


Bad Moon Rising

by mtac_archivist



Category: NCIS
Genre: Disturbing Themes, Drama, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Not Episode Related, Not a Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-06
Updated: 2010-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-02 06:44:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 57,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13312650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtac_archivist/pseuds/mtac_archivist
Summary: A dead naval officer leads to a reunion with a missing agent, but after living on the streets for over a year, can things ever be the same for Tony DiNozzo?





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Jessi, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [ MTAC](https://fanlore.org/wiki/MTAC), an archive of NCIS fanfiction which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after August 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator (and this work is still attached to the archivist account), please contact me using the e-mail address on [ the MTAC collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/mtac/profile)

  
Author's notes: This plot bunny had been nagging, so I had to oblige. Hope you enjoy it.  


* * *

Awareness came slowly to the inebriated man as he began to regain consciousness, shivering as the dampness of the ground seeped through his thin, ragged shirt. The stench of the stagnant water he was apparently lying in began to assault his senses, but at the moment, he wasn’t sure if he had the strength to move. His head was throbbing, but he wasn’t sure if he had hit his head on the ground or if the pain was self-induced by the copious amount of alcohol that he had consumed that day. 

Opening his eyes, he found himself looking at the darkening sky; the sound of the thunder was in the distance. It took several attempts before the man finally forced himself to sit up and take in his surroundings. Looking to his right, he saw the still form of another man lying next to him, dressed in what appeared to be some kind of uniform. He blinked his eyes several times in an effort to bring the details of the uniform into focus, but it was no use. The only thing he could tell was that it was white, so he assumed that the man was probably in the Navy. 

“Too much of a good thing, huh?” he mumbled to the figure lying on the ground. 

He rolled over onto his hands and knees and unable to fight the waves of nausea that had been plaguing him, he began to vomit. After he was sure that he was done, he took his sleeve and wiped his mouth. Sitting back on his knees, he swallowed hard, hoping that he wouldn’t start throwing up again. The man knew he needed to get to the shelter, but right now, he wasn’t even sure he could remember how to get there. Plus, there was the matter of the sleeping Naval officer; he couldn’t just leave him there with a storm coming.

The unkempt man shakily stood to his feet. He reached in his pocket for his flask only to discover that it was missing. That container and its contents were his lifeline. It was the only thing that took away his pain; actually, it was the only thing he could afford that took his pain away. “Where is it?” he slurred.

His eyes were drawn to the white uniform. He fell to his knees and began frantically searching the pockets of the uniformed man. “Where is it, you bastard?”

The drunken man felt something wet. Jerking his hand back, he mumbled, “What the…?” He stared at the sticky red substance now covering his hand.

A sense of panic began to overwhelm him; he had to get out of there. He started to stand up but dropped back to his knees when he heard, “Freeze! Baltimore P.D.!”

Despite his blurred vision, he saw two officers approaching him, their guns drawn, pointed directly at him. The man raised his hands, remaining perfectly still. He had learned the hard way that it was in his best interests not to piss off certain members of the Baltimore Police Department. 

“What’s this about?” he asked, knowing that it was useless to hide the fact that he was intoxicated. 

“We’ll ask the questions,” the first officer informed him.

“Okay, so ask.”

“Stand up and move away from the body, smart ass.”

His mind seemed as if it were in a fog. “Huh?” 

“You heard me,” the officer said. “Now, move away from the body.”

He tried to stand up but lost his balance. Two rough hands pulled him to his feet and shoved him against the nearest brick wall. He watched as the second officer knelt down to the still body and felt for a pulse. 

The second officer shook his head, silently informing his partner that the man was dead. “He’s a Navy Officer, Matt. Gunshot wound to the chest.”

“Better call NCIS, Gary,” Matt Wolford instructed his rookie partner. “You can also tell them that we have a suspect for them.”

“A suspect?” Gary asked.

“Yeah, a drunk by the name of…what’s your name, boy?”

The young man pinned against the wall suspiciously eyed the officer restraining him. “Todd,” he answered. 

“Last name, moron?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know your last name? You better be thinking of one by the time NCIS gets here.”

“NCIS?” 

“Yeah, we’ve had a few dealings with them. Like I said, if I were you, I’d be coming up with a good reason that you’ve got his blood on your hands.”

Todd looked down at his hands. The officer was right; there was blood on his hands. “I was looking for something that belonged to me.”

“What was that?” Wolford pressed.

“A flask. It was mine and I thought that he took it.”

Todd winced when the officer tightened his grip. “You killed a Naval officer over a flask of cheap whiskey?”

“No!” Todd shouted. “I didn’t kill anybody.” He began to struggle against Wolford’s iron grip. “He was there when I woke up,” he tried to explain. “I didn’t even know he was dead until your partner…”

Todd found himself facing the brick wall with his arms being jerked behind his back. He winced as the handcuffs cut into his wrists. “Save it for NCIS,” Wolford growled. “You can tell it to them.”

This couldn’t be happening. He was living his worst nightmare. Todd had always done his best to stay out of trouble, but trouble always seemed to find him. “Am I under arrest?” he managed to ask.

“Not yet. I’m just making sure you don’t go anywhere. Now, sit down,” the gruff officer ordered.

Todd slid down the brick wall, watching the two officers as they talked amongst themselve. Why was this happening to him? He had done a lot that he wasn’t proud of, but what he had done had been necessary for his survival on the streets; he didn’t believe that he could actually murder somebody. Drawing up his knees, he rested his aching head and silently wished for a drink.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Jethro Gibbs stared out the window that overlooked the Navy Yard, sipping his coffee as he watched the dark clouds roll in, announcing the arrival of a storm. The storm brewing outside was nothing compared to the tempest that had erupted in the Director’s office between him and Jenny Shepherd. 

 

***flashback***

“Jethro, it’s been over a year,” Jenny said. 

“I know how long it’s been. I can tell you how long it’s been to the second, Jen,” he growled.

“Then you know what I’m going to say.”

“I know exactly what you’re going to say and you already know my answer.”

“I’m sure that your answer is going to be the same as the last six times I’ve asked you, but I’ve got SecNav breathing down my neck to replace DiNozzo.”

Gibbs clenched his fist, crushing the empty coffee cup. “I don’t care if the President is breathing down your neck, Jen, I’m not replacing him. He’s still alive and…”

“How do you know that?” she demanded to know. 

“I know what losing a child feels like,” the team leader snapped. “Tony isn’t dead!”

“DiNozzo wasn’t your child, Jethro. He was a federal agent who…”

“He’s the closest thing I’ve ever had to a son!” he proudly declared. “Don’t talk about him like he’s dead.”

“Jethro, are you listening to yourself? It’s time for you to let go of your guilt and accept the fact that Tony is gone,” she tried to reason.

He could hear the exasperation in the Director’s voice, but her obvious frustration did nothing but fuel his anger. “My guilt?” he scowled. “My guilt? I’m not the one who sent him undercover so soon after the La Grenouille fiasco.”

“No, you’re the one who couldn’t even manage a thank you after he saved your life, and the life of Maddie Tyler,” she sharply countered.

He glared at his former lover. Gibbs knew that she was referring to DiNozzo’s recent heroics that had saved him and Maddie from drowning in the freezing Potomac river. After he had been released from the hospital, his main concern had been making sure that Maddie was all right; he shamefully realized that he hadn’t even asked about DiNozzo. The next day that they were both back at work, he had brought Tony a coffee and nodded his thanks. That was all he figured DiNozzo wanted or needed. The words ‘thank you’ did not find their way to his lips, but surely Tony had known how grateful he was.

“Don’t you dare throw that in my face, Jen,” the ex-Marine challenged.

“He went in without back up, Jethro,” she continued, “because he was worried about you. Did you bother to even check on him afterwards?” She shook her head. “I didn’t think so. If you had, you would have known that he had to spend the weekend in bed with a mild case of pneumonia.”

Gibbs refused to let Jen continue to bait him. He turned sharply and headed towards the door. “I think we’re done here. Until I get some kind of confirmation, I will continue to go on the assumption that Tony is alive and his space on my team will remain unfilled!”

He slammed the door behind him, ignoring the puzzled expression on Cynthia’s face. Gibbs bounded down the stairs and went to his desk where he grabbed the fresh cup of coffee that McGee had waiting on him.

“Everything okay, Boss?” Tim nervously asked.

Jethro’s gaze fell on DiNozzo’s empty desk. “Everything’s just fine, McGee. Just fine.”

 

***end flashback***

 

He fought to tamp down the rage that was still burning with him. Jenny had tried several times before to get him to replace DiNozzo, even going so far as to assign a temporary agent to his team without his consent. It had taken less than an hour for Gibbs to get rid of the agent and Jen hadn’t pressed the issue again. Until today.

The sound of his cell phone ringing interrupted his thoughts. “Yeah, Gibbs,” he gruffly answered. He listened for a moment and then snapped his phone shut.

He went to his desk and grabbed his gun and badge. “Gear up!” he barked. “McGee, gas the truck, we’ve got a dead navy lieutenant in Baltimore.”

“B…Baltimore?” McGee stammered.

“That’s what I said, now let’s move!”

Within ten minutes, they were on their way to Baltimore. Gibbs was glad they had a case to help redirect his focus, but he wished that he was going anywhere but Baltimore. Memories of his first meeting with Tony came flooding to his mind as he recalled the cocky police officer who worked with him on a joint investigation. Gibbs had pushed the young man hard, but DiNozzo never wavered or complained. Jethro Gibbs had admired the officer for being willing to sacrifice his career for Gibbs and that was when the NCIS agent had realized that DiNozzo would be a perfect fit for his team.

He heard McGee clear his throat in an effort to get his attention. “Something on your mind, McGee?” he asked.

“We were just wondering if you knew any more details about the case?”

“Just that we have a dead Navy officer and that Baltimore P.D. already has a suspect waiting for us.”

“Do we have a name on the lieutenant or the suspect?”

“Nope.”

The rest of the trip was made in silence. It was usually Tony who kept the conversation going in an effort to lighten the moods of his teammates, but that casual banter had ceased to exist the day that he disappeared. 

Gibbs saw the crime scene up ahead and pulled over next to the parked patrol car. He got out of the truck and began to shoulder his way past the onlookers. The team leader flashed his badge to the two uniformed officers standing guard at the crime scene tape. “Special Agent Gibbs. NCIS.”

“’Bout time you got here,” the first officer grunted. 

Ignoring the jibe, Gibbs asked, “What do you got, Officer…”

“Wolford. Matt Wolford and this is my partner Gary Sims and over there is your dead Navy lieutenant.”

Gibbs glanced around the officer to see the body. “All right. My people will take over,” he insisted. 

“We know how NCIS works. We were told to back off and let you guys handle it.”

“I see your Captain still remembers his last dealings with NCIS,” Gibbs retorted. He nodded towards the figure against the brick wall of the far building. “Is that our suspect?”

“Yeah,” Wolford replied. “He’s so drunk that he can’t even remember his last name. Apparently killed the guy over some stupid flask full of liquor. I figured that you’d want to interrogate him.”

“You figured right.” 

Calling back over his shoulder to McGee and Ziva, he gave them their specific assignments and began to make his way over to where the lone suspect was seated. He turned to ask Wolford one more question. “Wolford, what’s the suspect’s name?”

“Says his name is Todd,” Matt answered.

Gibbs dismissed Wolford and Sims with a nod and went and knelt down in front of the man. He didn’t miss the stench of cheap alcohol on the suspect’s clothes nor did he miss the fact that the man’s clothes were filthy. God only knew the last time he had a bath. He couldn’t see the young man’s face, but yet there was something achingly familiar about the way he sat hunched over, his head buried against his knees.

“Todd?”

There was no response. He reached out gently shook the man. “Todd?”

Jethro figured that if the man was as drunk as Wolford had implied, his reactions were going to be slower than normal. He waited patiently as the man slowly lifted his head. Gibbs heart began to beat faster as Todd’s face came in to full view. 

He stared in disbelief. It couldn’t be. Gibbs moved closer to the man called Todd and looked into his eyes. The individual sitting before him was unshaven and reeked of vomit; he had lost weight and the dark circles and the lines of fatigue etched in Todd’s face spoke volumes about the life that he had been leading. However, the eyes were the same; although they were no longer full of life, the eyes were those of his senior field agent. 

With a trembling hand, Gibbs reached out and pushed the hair out of the younger man’s eyes. 

“Tony…”


	2. 2

The young man could hear the bustle of activity going on around him. He kept his head cradled against his knees, trying to ignore the myriad of noises that only seemed to exacerbate the pounding in his skull. Why was this happening to him? He had always made a special effort to stay out of trouble, especially after his first couple of run-ins with the police. Now, he was sitting here, the only suspect in the apparent murder of a naval officer, waiting to be questioned by some agency he had never heard of before.

Todd heard the sound of footsteps approaching; his body tensed as someone knelt down in front of him. The scent of sawdust assaulted his nostrils and he surprisingly found the smell to be oddly comforting. He had to fight the urge to flee as he felt the stranger’s eyes upon him. Todd knew that whoever this was would more than likely be disgusted by his unkempt appearance, but it didn’t matter; he was used to being viewed as nothing more than a piece of trash.

“Todd?” 

A man’s voice called out to him, but he refused to move. Gently shaking him, the man said his name once again. “Todd?”

Slowly lifting his head, he blinked his eyes several times, trying to bring into focus the image of the person in front of him. He finally managed to meet the gaze of a man wearing a dark jacket and hat. It unnerved Todd that this man seemed to able to look right through him.

Todd flinched as the man reached up to brush his hair out of his eyes; his hand was shaking and his voice held a slight tremor when he finally spoke. “Tony?” 

Confused, Todd mumbled, “Huh?”

“Tony, it’s me. It’s Gibbs.”

He tried to scoot away but Todd quickly realized that he had nowhere to go. The inebriated man felt like a caged animal. His first instinct was to lash out at his captor, but there was something in the man’s voice that stopped him.

“Tony, do you know who I am?” Gibbs asked. 

“Todd,” he drunkenly stammered. “My name’s Todd. Not Tony.”

“Todd,” the older man repeated. “What’s your last name, Todd?”

“Don’t know.”

He wasn’t sure if Gibbs believed him. Ever since he had awakened in the alley that night, the only name that he could come up with was Todd. As far as he was concerned, he never needed a last name. It was easier to lose yourself in a crowd if you only had to worry about remembering one name. Of course, there were some days that he woke up with such a hangover that he could barely remember that.

“You don’t know, or you don’t want to tell me?” Gibbs challenged.

“Don’t know,” Todd forcibly repeated.

Gibbs nodded. “All right, just take it easy. My name is Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs and I work for NCiS.”

“They said they were…calling you,” he said.

“Who?”

“The cops.”

Todd noticed the visible lines of anger on the agent’s face and he suddenly felt afraid. Surely Gibbs wasn’t mad because he didn’t have a last name. He jumped when Gibbs patted his knee. “Just hang tight,” the agent instructed. “I’ll be right back.”

He watched with interest as Special Agent Gibbs ran over and grabbed a man and a woman by the arm and drug them behind the truck. When Todd could no longer see him, he laid his head back down on his knees and began to try and make sense of everything that had happened. He silently wished that if Gibbs was going to arrest him that the agent would go ahead and take him in, maybe he would be able to get a hot meal and ride out the storm. 

Despite his aching head, Todd couldn’t help but wonder why Agent Gibbs had called him Tony. Gibbs had seemed so sure that he was this Tony and part of him felt like he had disappointed the man when he had insisted that he wasn’t. He wasn’t anyone, or so he’d been told by several individuals. Todd decided that the NCIS agent had to be mistaken, but he had the nagging feeling that Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs didn’t make a lot of mistakes.

Todd made the decision that he had to get away from Agent Gibbs as quickly as possibly. It wasn’t going to be an easy task considering that he wasn’t steady on his feet and he was still handcuffed. Placing his back against the wall, he tried unsuccessfully to stand up. Panicking, he began to pull against his handcuffs, ignoring the biting pain as the metal dug into his flesh. 

He closed his eyes, hoping that the world around him would stop spinning long enough for him to get free. Once again, Todd found himself wanting a drink; maybe if he could just simply pass out again, he would wake up later to discover that this was all a bad dream.

“Todd?”

He opened his eyes to find Gibbs standing over him. Did the agent realize that he had been trying to escape? Todd waited for the blow to come, but it never did. Instead, the agent knelt down and removed his handcuffs. “Can you stand?” Gibbs asked.

“Haven’t tried in a while,” Todd lied.

“Let me help you.” 

Todd didn’t resist as Gibbs helped him to his feet. He immediately began to sway, but the agent was there steadying him so he didn’t sink back to the ground. Gibbs slowly led him over to an old crate and sat him down and removed his handcuffs. 

“Am…I…under…arrest?” Todd inquired, gritting his teeth against the nausea and pain that still threatened to overwhelm him.

The agent shook his head. “No, not at the moment. I do need to ask you some questions though.”

He could hear the agent speaking, but Gibbs’ words sounded garbled to his ears. Todd knew that the effects of his latest drinking binge were becoming more obvious and he wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to be able to even function. He nervously licked his lips, “The cops think that…I killed that guy.”

“Did you?”

Todd was taken aback by the agent’s abruptness. His eyes narrowed as he thought about the Gibbs’ question. “I don’t…think so,” he finally answered.

“Neither do I,” Gibbs declared.

“So, can I go?”

“Not yet. I…”

“You said I wasn’t under arrest.”

“You’re not, but I’ve got to take you into custody so I can get your statement.”

“Take it here,” Todd demanded.

Gibbs pointed to the sky. “Storm’s coming. We have to get finished up here pretty quickly, so I’m going to take you back to NCIS where we can talk.”

“Then what?”

“Then after we take your statement, we’ll just have to see what happens.”

Todd knew that he didn’t have a choice but to go with the agent. Gibbs seemed to believe in his innocence, but the man was also convinced that his name was Tony. He wrapped his arms around himself to ward off the chill that was racking his body. Todd nodded and allowed the agent to guide him towards the black sedan that had just arrived. 

He ignored the stares of the others as Gibbs opened the front passenger door for him. Todd thought it was odd that Gibbs didn’t put him in the back seat since he was in custody, but he couldn’t find it within himself to care where he sat. He laid his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes. Maybe he could convince Jethro Gibbs to stop somewhere for a drink; Todd didn’t want to be sober when the agent questioned him. Not that he was sober now, but that wasn’t the point. 

Once they got to wherever it is they were going, he had a feeling that Gibbs was going to try and convince him that he was Tony. He came to the realization that whoever this Tony was, he had to be important to Agent Gibbs. Was Tony his son? That would explain why the older man seemed so desperate. Todd sighed. How had his life suddenly become so complicated?

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Ziva and McGee stood around the truck and watched the car fade in the distance. They couldn’t help but wonder if the man that Gibbs had taken into custody was their colleague and friend, Tony DiNozzo. The team leader had seemed convinced as he had pulled them aside earlier and informed them of his discovery. Gibbs had given the two agents their assignments and had ordered Ziva to secure some kind of transportation for him and Tony back to NCIS. She had called in a favor and an officer from Baltimore PD had brought a car for Gibbs to use. 

The Mossad officer returned to shooting the crime scene while McGee continued to collect evidence. She took a picture of a tarnished looking flask lying under the Navy officer’s body. “There it is,” she muttered.

“What?” McGee asked.

“The two police officers said that Todd…I mean Tony, killed the lieutenant over a flask. There it is,” she pointed.

She watched as McGee picked it up with his gloved hand and slipped it into an evidence bag. Ziva could tell that her partner wanted to say something. “What is it, McGee?”

“Do you think it’s Tony?” Tim finally asked.

“I couldn’t get a good look at his face, but the man in question seemed to be about the same height and build, although he’s thinner than Tony was. I don’t know, but Gibbs is apparently convinced that it is Tony and I have learned to trust his gut,” she said.

“I don’t think he looked like Tony at all,” McGee whispered.

“Why not?”

McGee shook his head. “I don’t know. I just don’t think that Tony would allow himself to look like that. He’s filthy and his hair is all matted and dirty. And did you see his eyes? He’s smashed.”

“Smashed?” 

“Drunk,” McGee explained. 

“That may be, McGee, but it doesn’t change the fact that this man could be Tony.”

He shrugged. “I hope it is, for all our sakes. But we’ve also got to be realistic about this; what if Tony actually killed this man? Then what? We find him only to send him to prison?”

“You have a point, but I don’t think Tony killed him,” Ziva said. 

“Why do you say that?” 

“Because I…I just don’t.”

“That’s not going to hold up if this goes to court,” McGee stated.

Ziva knew McGee was right, but at the moment, the only thing they could do was work together to prove Tony’s innocence. “We won’t let it get that far,” she assured him. 

The two continued working in companionable silence for the next few minutes. “Todd,” she whispered. 

McGee looked up as he bagged the last item of evidence. “What did you say?”

“Tony’s alias when he went on his last undercover operation was Todd. Don’t you remember, McGee?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Todd Gibbs. That was the name he used. Todd Gibbs. Do you think the Boss remembers?”

Ziva smiled. “I’m sure he does, McGee. I’m sure he does.”

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Gibbs was still reeling from the events of the morning. Part of him couldn’t believe that he had found Tony and that he was alive. Although the man seated next to him insisted that his name was Todd, there was no doubt in the team leader’s mind that this was Anthony DiNozzo. His first instinct had been to start firing questions at his senior agent in order to find out what happened. But the confused expression on the younger man’s face made him think twice. He wasn’t sure he would get any answers until Tony sobered up.

After the initial shock of discovering that his missing agent was alive, he went over and briefly told Ziva and McGee what he had just learned. Gibbs knew that they wanted to see Tony for themselves, but he ordered them to keep their distance. He had instructed Ziva to find him a car so that he and Tony could return to NCIS headquarters and then she and McGee could finish working the crime scene. Truthfully, the last thing on Leroy Jethro Gibbs’ mind was the dead lieutenant, but he knew that he could count on his team to do their job. 

Now, they were on their way back to D.C. and Tony appeared to be sleeping. DiNozzo had managed to wake up and ask for a drink, but Gibbs had just smiled and said, “Not right now.” It was Gibbs’ intention to pump Tony full of coffee, his kind of coffee, when they got back to NCIS. He would also make sure that DiNozzo got a hot shower, clean clothes, and something to eat. 

Gibbs winced when he realized that Tony would need to be examined to make sure that he was all right physically. What was he thinking? All anyone had to do was look at Tony to know that he wasn’t well. He grabbed his phone and punched the speed dial number that would connect him with Ducky. 

“Duck, where are you?”

He grinned as he heard Ducky fussing at Palmer for his sudden stop. “We’re about ten miles away from the crime scene, Jethro. Mr. Palmer missed the detour sign and now we are stuck in construction traffic.”

Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m getting ready to meet you on the other side. I need you to come back to NCIS with me.”

“But I have to go and…”

“That’s what you got Palmer for,” the agent snapped. “Ziva and McGee will help Jimmy, I need you.

“What on earth is wrong, Jethro?” the ME anxiously inquired.

“I see the truck. Get out and meet me on the other side,” he ordered. “I’ll pull over and wait on you.”

Jethro closed his phone and tossed it on the seat. Ignoring the blaring horns, he swerved across the two lanes of traffic until he reached the emergency stopping lane. He smiled in amusement as he watched the ME carefully cut through the construction site and cross the road on foot, apologizing profusely to those who were swearing and gesturing obscenely at him. 

He glanced over to see his passenger looking around, dazed and confused. “I had to make a quick stop,” Gibbs explained. He unlocked the door behind him as Ducky slid into the back seat. 

Slightly out of breath, Ducky pitched his hat next to him on the seat. “I swear, Jethro, one of these days, you’re going to be the death of me. I’ve done some rather daring things in my time, but this is one I wouldn’t care to repeat again. It actually reminds me of the time…”

“Not now, Duck.” Gibbs pulled back out in traffic and sped down the highway. 

“Of course,” the ME agreed. 

Gibbs saw Ducky studying the young man sitting beside him. The team leader saw the glint of recognition in the older man’s eye. “Duck, I’d like to you to meet…Todd.”

“It’s a pleasure, Todd.”

The young man nodded and closed his eyes again. Within a few minutes, Gibbs could hear Tony’s soft snoring, indicating that the agent was sound asleep again. “It’s him, Duck. It’s Tony. I found him at the crime scene. He doesn’t even remember his last name. Just calls himself Todd.”

“He looks dreadful, Jethro,” the ME observed.

“Yeah.”

“Has he said anything at all?”

“Not really. He just asks for a drink every now and then.”

“A drink as in…a drink?” 

Gibbs nodded. “He had passed out next to our dead naval officer. Baltimore PD found him searching the guy for his flask and saw that he had blood on his hands. They cuffed him and handed him over to us.” 

He hit the steering wheel in frustration “I don’t know what I should do next. He’s a suspect, but at the same time…”

“He’s Tony,” Ducky finished.

“Yeah.”

“First thing we need to do is check him over.”

“Well, yeah, Duck. That’s why I called you.”

Nonplussed, the doctor continued. “Secondly, we need to see what he remembers and how far his memory goes back. If he has no memory of his past life and has created this new one, then we could have a new set of problems that is beyond our area of expertise.”

“We have to get Tony back, Duck. We have to.”

“We will, Jethro,” Ducky promised. “We just have to move slowly.”

“That’s just it, Duck,” Gibbs growled. “If the evidence comes back saying that he killed that officer, then we don’t have a lot of time. Time is not on our side right now.”

Gibbs pressed the accelerator, passing several cars until he could settle into an open stretch of road. Time was running out and he was not any closer to getting any answers to the questions that kept plaguing him. Where had Tony been this past year? What was he doing in Baltimore? Had Tony truly been living on the streets for the last year? DiNozzo looked as if he had aged ten years and it troubled the team leader when he realized that he had no idea how much Tony had been forced to endure, but he was determined to find out.


	3. Bad Moon Rising

Todd felt someone gently shake him, awakening him from his semi-peaceful slumber. He had faded in and out several times during their journey, occasionally catching snippets of the conversation between Agent Gibbs and another man with an accent. Todd was sure that Gibbs had introduced the odd man to him, but at the moment, he could barely remember his own name, much less the name of a total stranger. He figured that Gibbs and the other man were talking about him, trying to decide what to do with him. Their words ran together, becoming a jumbled mess in his mind; the only thing that he knew for certain was that Gibbs was still calling him Tony.

He opened his eyes as Gibbs softly said his name. “Ton…Todd, we’re here,” the older man announced. 

Todd squinted, trying to bring the agent’s face into focus. “Wh…Where?”

“Right now, we’re still in the parking garage at NCIS,” Gibbs replied. 

“NCIS?”

“Yeah.”

Todd closed his eyes again and laid his head back against the headrest. He just wanted to sleep and he found himself wondering if Gibbs would simply let him take a nap in the car. “Sleep in car?” he managed to ask.

“Nope, I’ve got some place better,” the agent insisted.

“This is pretty nice,” Todd slurred as he started to drift off once again.

“Don’t go back to sleep, Todd. I really don’t want to have to carry you.”

The drunken man opened his eyes again. “Then leave me alone.”

“Can’t do that,” Gibbs said. “You’re in custody, remember?”

The passenger side door opened and the unusual man with the strange accent stood over him. “Who are you?” Todd wanted to know. 

The elderly man smiled at him. “My friends call me Ducky.”

“Am I your friend?” 

The man called Ducky gently patted his shoulder. “I count you among my dearest friends, young man.”

“If you’re my friend, why don’t I know you?” Todd wondered aloud.

“Your memory is just a little fuzzy, Todd,” Ducky assured him. “Give it time; I’m sure that you’ll remember our friendship.”

Todd shrugged. He couldn’t even remember his own last name and here he was being told that he had an actual friend. With the exception of a couple people at the soup kitchen, most of his acquaintances were only interested in taking advantage of him. His so called friends on the streets had quickly learned that he would do almost anything for a drink of whiskey.

“Todd?” Ducky called to him. “Are you all right?”

“’Mm fine,” he mumbled. 

“Let’s get you out of this car then, shall we?” 

He didn’t resist as Ducky reached in and swung his legs out of the car, but the sudden movement made him feel like he was going to throw up again. Todd felt two sets of hands pull him out of the car. The unexpected movement found his stomach rebelling and he began to try and pull out of the firm grasp of the two men. He fell to his knees and quickly discovered that he had nothing left in his stomach to expel; dry heaves racked his body as he silently wished to die. 

After a few minutes, Todd was helped back up to a standing position as Gibbs and Ducky draped his arms across their shoulders. He looked at Gibbs and then turned his attention back to the elderly man with the kind face. What was his name again? Rooster? Goose? Duck? Ducky! That was it. He nodded his head towards Gibbs. “Am I…his friend…too?”

Ducky smiled at him again. “Yes, you are.”

He allowed the two agents to help him to an elevator. Where were they taking him? The doors opened to the small lift and the trio slowly entered. As soon as the doors closed, Todd closed his eyes. He hated small places ever since…No! He wouldn’t think about that. Todd pushed the memory to the back of his mind.

“Todd, you all right?” Gibbs asked.

The young man jumped as the agent forced him back to the reality of the moment. Why did these two men keep asking him if he was all right? “Uh…yeah…no…don’t like small places,” he stammered.

Todd didn’t see the silent exchange of concern between Gibbs and Ducky. It was all he could do to concentrate on remaining upright as the two men held onto him. 

“We’re here,” Gibbs whispered in his ear as the elevator came to a stop. 

Gibbs and Ducky slowly led him into a room that almost looked like the hospital clinic that he had gone to several times to get patched up. He let them to lead him over to what Todd assumed was a bed. As they helped him upon the bed, he began to secretly hope that Ducky was going to let him stay there and sleep at least for a little while. 

“Todd,” Ducky began. “I want to examine you and make sure that you’re not hurt.”

“’Mm fine,” he repeated. “Just sleepy. You’re a doctor?”

Ducky nodded. “Yes, I am and I would feel better if I could come to that conclusion myself, my dear fellow.”

Todd ran a trembling hand through his hair. “I should’ve known.”

“You should have known what, Todd?”

“Always a catch.”

“There’s no catch, Todd,” Ducky tried to reason. “Jethro and I are concerned about you. We just want to make sure that there’s nothing wrong with you aside from…well aside from…”

“Being drunk?” Todd finished. 

He saw a grin spread across Gibbs’ face. Todd wasn’t sure what the agent found so funny, but it didn’t matter; he was used to being laughed at by others. 

“I guess that’s one way of putting it, my dear boy,” Ducky conceded. “Now, do I have your permission?”

“Can I have a drink?”

“I’ll have Jethro fetch you something.”

“All right,” Todd reluctantly agreed, “but nothing funny.”

“I will fully explain everything that I do before I do it,” the older man promised. 

Todd nodded and watched as Ducky pulled Gibbs off to the side out of his earshot. He was still uneasy about this examination that the doctor seemed intent on doing and the fact that the two men were being so nice to him completely unnerved him. What kind of mess had he gotten himself into? When people were nice to him, they usually wanted something. So, what did these two men want? He couldn’t imagine either one of these men actually wanting anything that he had to offer. Todd figured that in time, Gibbs and Ducky would figure out that he wasn’t worth their time and then he could go back to his life on the streets. 

The images of the dead naval officer began to play in his mind. How could he be so stupid? Why did he keep forgetting that Gibbs had taken him into custody? They were looking for a scapegoat; someone to blame for the murder of a man that he didn’t even know. Todd knew that he had committed more crimes than he would care to admit, but he would never resort to killing someone. Although he had considered it at one time, there was something that always prevented him from crossing that line. Had something in him finally snapped? Had he killed that man? 

Todd sighed. “I guess I’ll find out soon enough.”

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Gibbs reluctantly left Tony in Ducky’s capable hands; his primary concern now was getting some coffee and some type of nourishment for the young man. They had agreed that before Gibbs could begin to piece together what had happened in Baltimore, it was imperative to get Tony sobered up enough that he could hopefully remember what had happened. He just hoped that the evidence that Ziva and McGee were gathering didn’t implicate Tony in the murder. Of course, knowing DiNozzo’s luck…Gibbs shook his head to force those memories out of his mind. He believed in Tony and he had to make sure that his faith remained strong.

He was now on his way to see Abby to tell her that Tony was alive. Next to him, Abby had taken Tony’s disappearance the hardest. She and Tony had always enjoyed a unique and special relationship and now a void had been created in the Goth’s life that she had attempted to replace by creating a shrine for DiNozzo in her lab. She had pictures of Tony covering one entire wall: but it was the episodes of Magnum, P.I. as well as the James Bond movies that DiNozzo loved that were downloaded on her personal lap top, which she would watch over and over, that spoke volumes of how much Abby missed Tony. 

Ducky was going to need her to run some blood tests and Gibbs wanted her to be prepared before she saw Tony. He knew that she had seen DiNozzo drunk before, but she had never seen him like this. His senior agent very seldom would drink until he was smashed unless he was with his frat buddies or after a particularly difficult case, but to see Tony craving alcohol like it was food was almost too much to bear. 

As he headed towards the lab, he dialed McGee’s number and instructed him to pick up several black coffees and some soup before they returned. He quickly hung up to avoid answering any of the younger man’s questions, mainly because he didn’t have any answers. Gibbs hadn’t missed how McGee and Ziva looked at Tony. Their expressions were a mix of disbelief, sadness, joy, and disgust; he hoped that he didn’t have to remind them to school their features around Tony. DiNozzo wasn’t going to need their pity; he was going to need their help.

Taking a deep breath, Gibbs walked into Abby’s lab to find her sipping on a Caf-Pow as she stood staring at Tony’s picture on the plasma. He moved to stand behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Abs?”

She whirled around and set her Caf-Pow down. “Gibbs!” she exclaimed. “Back so soon? Where’s my evidence?”

“Ziva and McGee are bringing it,” he answered. “I came back early.”

“Why?”

Gibbs took her by the shoulders and gently sat her down. “You should sit down for this.”

Abby licked her lips nervously. “Gibbs, you’re scaring me.”

“I’m sorry, Abby, but I need you to listen to me.”

He waited until he was sure that he had Abby’s undivided attention. “When we got to the crime scene, Baltimore PD had a suspect in custody. I went over to talk to him and discovered that it was Tony. I…”

Gibbs didn’t get to finish his sentence. Abby jumped up out of her seat. “Where is he?” she frantically asked. “Where’s he been? Oh, my god, is he all right? Of course, he’s all right; you just said you talked to him. Wait a minute; did you say he was a suspect in a murder? How’s that possible? Tony wouldn’t kill someone, I mean not unless he had to. I know that he’s killed people before, but he wouldn’t do it in cold blood.”

He held his hand up interrupting her tirade and then pointed to the chair. She started to protest, but he gave her a stern look and she fell silent and sat back down. “I told you that you need to listen to me.”

“Sorry,” she said. 

He smiled as she made the motion of zipping her lips. “Ducky and I have brought him back and he’s in autopsy now so Duck can check him over,” Gibbs continued. “Tony’s evidently been living on the streets for at least a few months; he’s doesn’t look like the same DiNozzo. He doesn’t know who he is and he doesn’t know who we are right now; he goes by the name of Todd.”

Gibbs took a calloused thumb and wiped the tears off of Abby’s cheeks. “I need you to be strong. Ducky will be sending you some blood work to analyze so we can find out if there’s anything physically wrong with Tony other than…”

She unzipped her lips. “Other than what, Gibbs?” Abby wanted to know.

“He’s apparently been drinking a lot lately. Right now, he’s so drunk, he can barely stay awake long enough to carry on a conversation.”

“He’s drunk?” 

The team leader nodded. “Yeah, I’m afraid so.”

“Unless he’s with his frat brothers, he usually…”

He gently squeezed her hand. “I know, Abs. What I need you to do is when you see him, don’t pressure him. Be his friend.”

“That’s easy to do.”

“He’s not too accepting of strangers right now.”

“He’ll get his memory back,” Abby declared.

“I hope so, Abs.”

“Positive thoughts, Gibbs,” she urged. “Positive thoughts.”

“I’m trying, Abby.”

“Even though we don’t know what happened, at least we know he’s alive,” Abby reminded him. “We can help him put the pieces back together again, Gibbs. I know we can.”

“Be sure to pass on your optimism to McGee and Ziva. We all need to be on the same page.”

“Yes, sir,” she saluted.

“Don’t call me sir, Abby.”

“Yes, ma’am.” 

He grinned at their longstanding joke. “I’m going to talk to the Director,” he informed her. “I’ll be back in a little while.”

“I’ll go and see if Ducky needs any help,” Abby cheerfully suggested. 

“Abby, I don’t…”

“No pressure,” she promised. 

Gibbs nodded his approval. He couldn’t blame Abby for wanting to see for herself that Tony was indeed alive. Personally, the last thing he had wanted to do was leave autopsy, but DiNozzo seemed more at ease with Ducky, at least for now, so he had left to take care of some other matters. 

The former Marine gave Abby a kiss on her forehead and headed towards the elevator. “Don’t overstay you’re welcome,” he warned.

“Maybe I should tell you the same thing.”

“What? I’m just going to tell Director Shepherd that Tony has been found.”

“Are you going to tell her that he’s a suspect in the murder of a naval officer?” 

He grinned and gave Abby a wink. “I don’t know if I’ll remember that part.”

The door opened and he stepped in, pushing the button that would take him to the Director’s office. He was going to enjoy making Jen eat her words. She was so convinced that Tony was dead and it was going to be a pleasure to prove her wrong. Their relationship had been strained after he had discovered that she had used Tony for her own personal vendetta. She had destroyed the first real love that DiNozzo had ever experienced, scarring the young man for life. Gibbs hadn’t forgiven her for exploiting Tony and the agent’s disappearance had only widened the rift between him and Jen. 

As the lift stopped, the door opened to reveal Director Jenny Shepherd in front of him. He met her icy stare as she crossed her arms. “I assume you were on your way to see me and inform me that you found someone who could be Agent DiNozzo.”

“No, I was on my way to inform you that I have found Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo and you can tell the replacement that you have lined up that his or her services will not be required after all,” the team leader growled.

“Really? How do you this, Jethro? How do I know that you’re not grasping at straws?” she argued.

“The man down in autopsy is Tony DiNozzo. I would bet my life on it.”

“I’m sure that Ducky or Abby is going to do a D.N.A. test to confirm his identity.”

His eyes narrowed as his anger and frustration began to fester. “I’m sure they will, Madame Director. However, I don’t need a scientific test to tell me that my senior field agent is alive and well. If you recall, I never accepted the fact that he was dead.”

“I’m well aware of that Agent Gibbs,” she retorted. “For your sake, Jethro, I hope that this man is Tony.”

“Really? I’m kind of surprised to hear you say that, Jen.”

He stood his ground as she entered the elevator and hit the button that would take her to autopsy. Gibbs reached out and hit the emergency stop button. “You’re not going down there, Director.”

“Why not?”

“He’s getting examined by Ducky. Tony doesn’t need an audience. How did you know about this anyway?”

“I received a sit rep from Ziva and McGee,” she admitted. “Now, since you don’t want me to see Tony, perhaps you would like to answer a few questions.”

“Such as?”

“I’m curious to know when you were going to tell me that the man downstairs doesn’t even know his name or that he even works for NCIS; or when were you going to tell me that this man is the only suspect in the murder of a Navy lieutenant.”

“He didn’t do it, Jen,” Gibbs seethed.

“How do you know? Where’s the evidence that says he didn’t do it? McGee and Ziva are just now getting back,” she pointed out. “You have no idea if our John Doe killed the lieutenant or not!”

“What do you want from me, Jen?” Gibbs shouted, not caring that his voice was echoing inside the elevator.

“I want you to get your head out of the clouds and think like an agent, Jethro. You have a job to do and you need to lay aside your personal feelings and do it. You can’t treat this man any different than you would any other suspect in a murder investigation.” She took a deep breath. “Jethro, I sincerely hope that you’re right and this is Tony and I hope that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, but if this man is DiNozzo, and the evidence convicts him, what are you going to do?”

Gibbs hit the switch that restarted the elevator. “Tony didn’t kill that man. You know it and I know it. Until you can prove otherwise, Director, you better stay the hell away from me and especially from Tony.”

The door opened on the floor that housed the Director’s office. “I suggest you go back to your office, Director. We will let you know when we have something; but if I were you, I’d go ahead and start working on that formal apology that you’ll be issuing to Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo once he recovers.

“An apology? This from the man that says apologizing is a sign of weakness.”

“Unless you’ve ruined somebody’s life,” he quickly added as the door shut, separating him from the Director. The team leader didn’t care that Jen was probably fuming by now; as far as he was concerned, she need to sit and stew for awhile. Maybe then she would actually start considering someone else’s feelings other than her own.

“That went well,” he mumbled. Turning his back to the door, he hit the wall with his fist. “Damn it!” How dare she? How dare she believe that, even with amnesia, Tony could kill somebody? 

He glanced at his watch. McGee and Ziva should be checking in evidence right about now. He would get Abby to work on it right away, knowing that the sooner that they cleared Tony’s name; the sooner they would be able to put this behind them and help DiNozzo focus on remembering the life that he left behind.


	4. Bad Moon Rising

Abby stood in the doorway, trying to gather the courage to enter autopsy. She had been so excited to learn that Tony was alive and had wanted to see him, but now she wasn’t sure that it was such a good idea. Gibbs had said that Tony didn’t remember anything or anybody and she had to admit that she was nervous. She and Tony had always been close and they had never had any problems coming up with things to talk about, but now she had no idea what to say to him.

She couldn’t really see his face thanks to his unruly hair obscuring his features. His shirt was ripped in several places and a blood stain covered the front of it; his pants were stained and in tatters as well. He wore a pair of worn out work boots that were at least two sizes too big for his feet. His attire was a far cry from his usual designer labels. 

Ducky was conversely quietly with the disheveled young man and Abby could tell that whatever the ME was saying was only agitating Tony. She saw his whole body tense and the frustration that he was feeling reverberated throughout the room. Abby took a couple of more steps forward, hoping that she could hear the discussion between Ducky and Tony. The older man was apparently trying to convince Tony to take off his clothes and wrap himself in a sheet so he could examine him better; of course, DiNozzo was protesting.

“They’re my clothes,” Tony growled.

“I promise you that we’ll take good care of them,” Ducky assured him. “In fact, I’ll get you some new ones…”

“Don’t want new ones.”

“Why not, Todd?” the ME asked.

“’Cause those are mine; besides, I can’t pay for new clothes.” Tony dropped his head and Abby heard him mumble, “Maybe a drunk, but…I…got a little…pride.”

She saw Ducky pat Tony on the shoulder. “It’s all right, my boy,” the doctor said. “We’ll work something out. Isn’t that right, Abigail?”

The Goth blinked in surprise. How had the ME known that she was lurking just inside the doorway? Ducky’s back had been to her and she had gone to great lengths to remain quiet. She briefly wondered if the doctor had been taking lessons from Gibbs.

Abby slowly walked towards the table where Tony was sitting. She could see his eyes peeking out from his matted bangs, nervously shifting his gaze between her and Ducky. Abby smiled as she approached him; she was now able to see his face and despite the smudges of grime and his sunken cheekbones, she couldn’t deny that this man was her friend. He reeked of vomit and alcohol, but this was Tony and it was taking all the self restraint she could muster not to throw her arms around his neck and pull him into one of her infamous hugs.

“I’m so glad you’ve joined us, Abby,” Ducky greeted, relief evident in his voice. 

“Thanks, Duckman,” she replied with forced cheerfulness. 

“Let me introduce you to my new friend,” the ME insisted. “Abby Scuito, this is Todd.”

Abby extended her hand, hoping that Tony didn’t pick up on her brief hesitation. “It’s nice to meet you, Ton…Todd.”

When Tony took her hand, she was immediately aware of how cold his hand was, as well as the fact that he was trembling. “Are you cold, Todd?” she gently asked.

“A little,” he confessed “It’s…kind…of chilly in…here.”

She nodded in agreement, never taking her eyes off of Tony. With her other hand, she soothingly rubbed his arm, trying not to notice that his shirt was nearly threadbare. “It might help to get out of these clothes and into some clean ones,” Abby suggested.

“These are mine,” he stated again. “It’s all I…have.”

Abby fought back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. “Well, how about we make a trade. We’ll get you some new ones for your old ones and then you’ll have a new outfit; not that there’s anything wrong with your old ones, except for the fact that they’ve got holes in them and they’re dirty. But, if that’s the way you like them, that’s fine because holes are in style and…”

“Do…you…always talk this much?” 

“Yes.”

“Thought so.”

“Todd, please,” she begged. “We just want to help you.”

“Why?”

She was taken back by Tony’s question. There was so much pain and despair in that one word that Abby could no longer hold back her tears. “Why what?” she finally managed to ask.

“Why do…you…want to…help me?”

Abby could easily think of a thousand reasons that she wanted to help Tony, but she knew that she had to answer carefully or he would pull back into his shell. He seemed to be willing to open up to her and she didn’t want to do anything to break that bond that was forming between them.

Glancing at Ducky, who with a slight nod, indicated that she was handling the situation well, Abby answered, “Because everybody needs help from time to time and friends are always there for each other.”

She waited with baited breath for Tony to respond. He looked away from her as if he were trying to process everything that she had said. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Tony squeezed her hand and nodded his consent. 

“Okay,” he mumbled.

“Thank you, Todd,” Abby said. “Thanks for letting us help you.”

Tony shrugged. “You’re welcome, I guess.”

Abby felt a twinge of sadness when Tony pulled his hand from her grasp. She watched her friend attempt to unbutton his shirt, his fingers unsuccessfully fumbling with buttons as he cursed under his breath.

“Damn fingers. Won’t…work…right,” Tony muttered.

“I can help you if you want me too,” Abby suggested.

Tony shyly grinned. “I…I’m all thumbs…can’t see the buttons.”

She returned his smile and slipped on a pair of gloves. Abby had known all along that she would have to take Tony’s clothes and examine them for evidence, especially since there was blood on his shirt. She was thankful that Tony didn’t question her motives for putting the gloves on; she would have hated to tell him what she was going to have to do with his clothes. 

Abby began to unbutton his shirt, silently hoping that he would spout off some classic DiNozzo response. She would give anything to hear Tony say, “Will you respect me in the morning, Abs?”  
Instead, he just sat there, his eyes glazed over, struggling to stay awake.

“You’ve had a pretty rough day,” she said.

“I…guess so. Don’t remember…much of it.”

She gasped when she slipped Tony’s shirt off. An assortment of bruises, both old and new, littered DiNozzo’s chest and by Ducky’s reaction, she knew that Tony’s back had similar markings. Abby didn’t want to think about what or who had caused those bruises; it was obvious that Tony’s life on the streets had not been easy.

Taking the shirt, she placed it in the evidence bag and sealed it. Noticing Tony’s flushed cheeks, she turned her back to Tony in order to give him some privacy as he took off his boots and pants with Ducky’s help. It was odd to imagine DiNozzo being so modest. Once Ducky had covered him with a sheet, she gathered his pants and put them in a bag as well. She felt like she was treating Tony like a criminal.

She picked up the boots and gathered the bags that contained Tony’s clothes. “I’ll go and get you some more clothes while Ducky checks you over,” Abby informed him. 

“You’re coming back?” Tony asked.

“Of course I will.”

“Could you bring me a drink? That Gibbs…fella was ‘posed to bring me something. Hadn’t seen ‘im yet.” 

Abby smiled. “I’ll see what I can do.”

She turned to leave when Tony called out to him. 

“Abby?”

She walked back over to him. “Yeah?”

“Nice tatts…”

“Thanks.”

“Always…wanted one.”

Abby set the boots down and took Tony’s hand, gently squeezing it. “You let Ducky check you over and make sure you’re all right. When you’re feeling better, we’ll see about getting you one.”

Tony nodded as he lay down on the table. “Nice to have a…friend.”

She brushed his hair out of his eyes. “Yes, it is. I’ll be back,” Abby promised. 

Abby swallowed hard when Tony whispered, “Reminds me of a movie.” 

“Which one?” Abby pressed.

She never received a response before Tony drifted off to sleep. “The Terminator with Arnold Schwarzenegger,” Abby answered. 

“Thank you, Abby,” Ducky said. “He seems to be much more at ease with you than he is with me or Jethro. It seems that he doesn’t feel as threatened by a woman.”

“Evidently he hasn’t seen Ziva yet,” Abby quipped.

“Good point.” 

She grabbed the boots again and headed towards her lab. Abby would drop the clothes off in her lab and then find Tony some clean clothes. She knew that he used to keep several shirts in his drawer and a complete change of clothing in his locker. Gibbs had been forced to clean DiNozzo’s locker out, but the team leader had stored Tony’s clothes in his own locker, stating that he didn’t want to hear his senior agent whining if something happened to his Armani suit. 

Abby needed to talk to Gibbs. So much was going through her mind that she was having a difficult time sorting it out. Ducky had said that Tony seemed more at ease around her. Was it the remnants of their long time friendship subconsciously implanting themselves in Tony’s mind or was it simply the fact that he needed a friend and he didn’t feel threatened by her? Right now, it didn’t matter. First thing she would do is help clear her friend’s name and then when he was stronger, she would keep her promise and take him to get a tattoo.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Gibbs stood behind McGee and Ziva as they checked in the last of the evidence. Like always, he managed to sneak up behind them without their knowledge and was able to capture a snippet of their conversation. 

“So, what do you think, Ziva?” McGee asked. 

“About what?” 

“About everything that’s happened today,” Tim answered. “I mean we find Tony after he’s been missing over a year and he’s the only suspect we have right now in the murder of a Naval officer. Not to mention, that his flask was found under the lieutenant and…”

“And I think we shouldn’t sink to conclusions,” Ziva said. 

“Jump,” McGee corrected.

Ziva rolled her eyes at her colleague. “Whatever. Although the evidence so far at least puts Tony at the crime scene, we should keep in mind that we don’t know the whole story yet.”

“An excellent point, Officer David,” Gibbs interjected.

Both agents whirled around to face the team leader. Still fuming from the discussion that he had just had with the Director, Gibbs was struggling to remain in control of his temper. The fact that the other members of his team apparently doubted Tony was almost more than he wanted to consider at the moment. 

“Agent McGee,” the former Marine began.

“Yes…sir,” the younger agent stammered.

“I have just come from talking with Director Shepherd and I’m not in the best of moods.”

“I can see that…”

“Good. So, I don’t have to tell you how pissed off I’m going to be if I ever hear you doubting DiNozzo’s innocence again,” Gibbs warned.

“No sir, but I was just…”

“He was just reviewing the events of the day,” Ziva spoke up.

“Did I ask you to speak, Officer David?”

“No, you did not,” she replied, not daring to look at him.

He moved closer to the two agents. “We are a team and one of our team is hurting. The last thing I expected to have to do is give you both a pep talk. Tony needs us and we’re going to be there for him. None of us have any idea what his life has been like this last year and we have no right to judge him. Now, I want you to start doing a background on our dead lieutenant and you better have something for me by the time I get back up there. Is that understood?”

Gibbs saw both agents nod their understanding. Turning his attention back to McGee, he asked, “Did you bring the coffee and soup?”

McGee nodded and handed Gibbs the drink tray containing three coffees and a cup of soup. “I’ll be in autopsy he barked, leaving the two agents alone.

“Gibbs,” Ziva called after him.

“What?” he snapped.

“We didn’t find the gun.”

His eyes narrowed at the Mossad officer. “Then, you get a team back out there and find it,” the ex-Marine ordered.

He didn’t wait for a reply and headed towards autopsy. Part of him didn’t want to admit that he was worried about what the evidence would reveal; he had to believe that despite whatever had happened to DiNozzo, Tony would still have the ability to distinguish right from wrong. Of course, the only factor that he hadn’t truly considered was the amount of alcohol Tony had been consuming. Had DiNozzo’s drinking clouded his judgment enough to where he could actually kill a man for stealing his flask?

No! If his hands were free, Gibbs would have head slapped himself for even having those thoughts. He had just lectured McGee and Ziva about their attitudes and here he was doubting the one person whom he trusted implicitly to have his back. 

Gibbs entered autopsy to discover Tony laying on one of the tables covered by a sheet. If it hadn’t been for the fact that he could see the rise and fall of his chest, he would have easily mistaken Tony for one a corpse. DiNozzo’s eyes were closed and he looked like he was asleep, but Gibbs knew that Tony could often give that appearance and be fully aware of everything that was going on around him. He cleared his throat to get the ME’s attention. 

“Is he really asleep, Duck?” Gibbs inquired.

“He’s been dozing on and off ever since Abby left,” Ducky replied. 

“How did she do?” 

“She was incredible, Jethro. He was very much at ease with Abby; she was able to convince him to take off those filthy clothes that he had on. She just left a while ago to get him some clean ones.”

“Have you checked him out?” the team leader wanted to know.

“I’ve drawn several vials of blood and I’m getting it ready to send to Abby’s lab. He had quite a mouthful for me when I stuck him with a needle. He made it quite clear that I wasn’t to touch him again until he got something else to drink.”

Gibbs smiled. “All right. I think I can fix that.” Setting the tray down on the nearby counter, he took one of the cups of coffee and walked back over to DiNozzo’s bedside. He gently shook the young man. “Todd. I got you something to drink.”

With Ducky’s assistance, he helped Tony to a sitting position. “Here, drink this,” Gibbs insisted.

Tony sniffed and turned his head. “What is it?”

“Coffee.”

“Coffee? I don’t want any…freakin’ coffee,” Tony grunted.

“Didn’t ask what you wanted. You can either drink this on your own or I’ll force it down your throat.”

Gibbs didn’t flinch as the cup of coffee sailed out of his hand and landed on the floor. Making sure that Ducky still had a hold of Tony, he got another cup and held it out to Tony. “We can do this the hard way or the easy way. If I have to knock you on your ass, pinch your nose close, and pour this coffee down your throat, I will. Now drink!”

“Don’t want it,” Tony snapped.

He felt Ducky’s hand on his shoulder. “Jethro, maybe you shouldn’t force the issue.”

“I need him sobered up, Duck,” Gibbs reasoned. 

“But can’t he just sleep it off?”

“It’ll take too long.” 

Gibbs took Tony’s hand and placed it around the warm cup. “Drink,” he demanded.

“Bastard,” Tony muttered as he took a sip. 

“So, I’ve been told,” Gibbs replied. 

“Must be what your…second b stands…for.”

“What do you think the first b stands for?”

Tony took another sip, wincing as the hot liquid burnt his tongue. “Big time,” he said.

Gibbs had to smile. “Big time bastard, huh?’

“Pretty much covers it.”

Only DiNozzo would have the gall to stand up to him like that. “Drink some more.”

Tony dropped the second cup on the floor, but Gibbs felt that he couldn’t help it. The team leader had noticed the tremors that seemed to plague his senior agent. “Don’t worry, there’s more.”

“No more,” Tony pleaded as he tried to lay back down. “Mm tired.”

“You need to get something in your stomach,” Gibbs explained as he pulled Tony back to a sitting position. 

He jerked free from the team leader’s grasp. “No! Leave me alone!”

“I’m not going to do that, Todd.”

“Why not?” 

“Because I can’t,” he softly replied. 

Gibbs wanted to wake up and discover that this had all been a bad dream. He wanted to go back in time and forbid DiNozzo to go undercover again; if he hadn’t been so preoccupied, maybe he would have done just that. Right now, he wanted his senior agent back, but unfortunately, Tony had no idea who he was or what he doing here. He wondered if Tony was just as scared as he was.


	5. Bad Moon Rising

Todd hated coffee and for someone who despised coffee, he was sure drinking a lot of it. Agent Gibbs had promised to bring him something to drink and what he had brought was the strongest brew that he had ever had the misfortune of tasting. Who in their right mind drank their coffee like that? 

He had purposefully knocked the first one out of Gibbs’ hand and the second cup had accidentally slipped out his own hand. Undeterred, the agent had produced a third cup and Todd had finally managed to drink most of it. Now, Gibbs was trying to force him to eat some soup, but food was the last thing that Todd wanted.

“You need to eat,” Gibbs tersely insisted.

Todd shook his head as he gathered the sheet around his waist. “I drank your stupid coffee, now leave me alone,” he growled.

“You need to get something on your stomach, it will make you feel better,” the doctor added.

Despite the physician’s kindness towards him, Todd still refused to eat. “Later. Just want some clothes and to go to sleep.”

“Nope,” Gibbs said, putting the cup of soup down on the counter. 

Todd stared at the agent, confused by the older man’s almost hostile attitude towards him. What had changed in the short time since Gibbs had first met him and now? 

“If you’re not going to eat, you’re going to let Duck finish checking you over,” Gibbs explained. 

“Mm tired,” Todd forcefully repeated. “Wanna sleep.”

“The quicker the doctor finishes looking you over, the sooner you can go to sleep,” the older man tried to reason.

He was getting frustrated with Special Agent Jethro Gibbs. He wished that Abby was still here; she seemed to be the only person who understood him. She wanted to be his friend and nothing more. It had been a long time since someone had reached out to him without demanding something in return and he had to admit that it was nice feeling. But unfortunately, Abby wasn’t here.

“Fine,” Todd grunted. “Get it over with.”

“I thought you’d see it my way,” Gibbs said. 

“I have a feeling that most people do, whether they want to or not.”

The agent smiled at him. “That’s how I earned that second ‘b’.”

Todd opened his mouth for a sharp retort, but a string of expletives escaped instead when the doctor probed his tender ribs. “Easy, doc,” he hissed

“I’m sorry, my boy,” the ME apologized. “Your ribs don’t seem to be broken, but at the very least, they’re bruised; the X-rays will tell us for sure.”

“They aren’t broken. Just sore.”

“How can you be sure?”

“I’ve had broken ribs before,” Todd informed the physician.

“I see,” Ducky said. “How did you break them?”

“Been in a few fights.”

“Recently?”

“Don’t know. Maybe,” Todd admitted. He truthfully couldn’t remember the details of the last brawl that he’d been involved in. Usually after an altercation, he would crawl into his bottle and drink away his aches and pains until the next time that he had to fight for what belonged to him. The one thing that he did know for certain was that the last fight had been over his precious flask.

He closed his eyes against the images of him struggling with a man in a white uniform assaulted his mind. Todd had been screaming at the man, demanding that the Navy officer give him his flask. He could see the other man laughing at him as he turned the flask up and took a drink. 

“You bastard, it’s mine!” Todd whispered.

He jumped when he felt a hand on his back. Opening his eyes, he saw Gibbs and Ducky standing over him, the doctor’s hand gently squeezing his shoulder. “Todd, are you all right?” the ME inquired.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You kind of zoned out there for a minute,” Gibbs said.

“I said I was fine.”

“Were you remembering something?” the agent continued to press.

“No, not really,”

He could tell that Gibbs was not satisfied with his answer, but it was the only one Todd was willing to give. What was it about Jethro Gibbs that made him feel like he was ten years old?

“Are you sure?” the team leader asked again.

“I said I didn’t remember anything!” Todd roared, surprising the two older men by his unexpected outburst. “Why can’t you just leave me alone? Take me back to the shelter and I’ll get out of your hair for good. I don’t know what you want from me!”

“Jethro, please,” the doctor interrupted. “Could you refrain from upsetting my patient? I need his cooperation if I’m to complete this examination.”

“Sorry, Duck. I’m just trying to get answers,” Gibbs replied.

“You won’t get them by agitating the lad to the point that he either walks out the door or simply stops talking to us altogether,” Ducky pointed out.

Todd was immensely enjoying the fact that the doctor was chastising the taciturn agent. The team leader obviously didn’t like his actions questioned, but it didn’t seem to bother Dr. Mallard to reign in Gibbs when necessary.

“I’m not going to get answers by coddling him either, Duck. He needs to remember,” Gibbs urged.

“But forcing him to do so will only create more problems,” the doctor said. 

Todd’s eyes narrowed as his gaze fixated on the NCIS agent. What did he need to remember? Did Gibbs want him to remember that his name was Tony instead of Todd? Why did this man keep insisting that Todd was someone else? He wondered if the agent treated this Tony any better than he was being treated at the moment.

“I’ve already told you that I’m not who you think I am!” Todd stated, frustration and weariness dripping from every word. “I don’t know what you want me to say! Why can’t you just leave me alone? I didn’t ask to come here and I didn’t ask to sit here and be interrogated by the likes of you, Agent Gibbs. I’ve seen your kind before. You bark and everyone around you cowers and obeys your every whim; I’m not one of your puppets and I’m certainly not this Tony!”

He continued to stare at the team leader, waiting for the agent to say something. His head was now pounding once again, thanks to his tirade, but at least he let Gibbs now knew what he was feeling. He needed a drink; he was starting to be able to think and that was never a good thing. If he was sober enough to think clearly, then he had to deal with the harsh realities of his life. Drinking had become an easy out, one that Todd had come to depend upon to maintain what little sanity that he had left. 

Todd knew that he was a drunk and that he wasn’t probably worth Jethro Gibbs’ time of day, but he was still human. He was used to people making uninformed opinions about him, but for some reason, he expected more from this man. 

“I’ll let Ducky finish examining you and then we’ll talk some more,” Gibbs vowed. “I’m going to go and talk to McGee and see what he’s come up with.

“Whatever,” Tony muttered. He didn’t even bother watching the team leader making a hasty retreat. Although he was aware of the fact that Gibbs would be back, he was glad that the agent had elected to leave him alone for now.. 

Tired from arguing, Todd sat on the table, allowing the doctor to continue his examination. The ME listened to heart and lungs for Todd deemed to be an extra long time. “Is something wrong?” he inquired.

“No, my boy, just being thorough,” the doctor cheerfully replied.

“Oh. Okay.”

“Have you had any colds or any illnesses similar in nature?”

“A few colds, but nothing lately.”

Ducky nodded as he put away his stethoscope. “I’m going to take a series of X-rays, just to be certain that I haven’t missed anything. Why don’t you just lie back and relax? This shouldn’t take long.”

Todd did as he was instructed, his eyes automatically closing as he lay down on the table. He had started to doze when his sleep was interrupted by an excitable young man entering the room pushing a gurney with what Todd knew to be a body bag on it. He had seen a number of acquaintances taken off the streets or out of the shelters in similar looking bags. The last one had been a young child who had gotten caught in the crossfire of a drug deal gone badly; the sight of her bleeding body would forever be etched in his memory.

Closing his eyes once again, Todd tried to push the vision of that young girl back into the recesses of his mind. For the second time within a short time span, he had been forced to relive two experiences that he would rather forget. If only he had a drink, then forgetting would be easy. He needed to get a way from this place and these people, but Todd doubted that he would be leaving any time soon.

He forced his thoughts to return to his present reality. He could hear Dr. Mallard fussing at the younger man. Maybe he was wrong; maybe Ducky and Gibbs had more in common that he originally thought.

“Really, Mr. Palmer,” Ducky said. “Can’t you see I’m in the middle of something?”

“Of course, Dr. Mallard,” Palmer answered. “I was just wondering where you want me to put the body”

“Put him in drawer 105 until I’m done with these X-rays and put your protective vest on, Mr. Palmer, so you can assist me.”

“Yes, Dr. Mallard.”

Todd opened his eyes to see Palmer scurrying about. He looked up at the ME. “You’ve got him jumping through hoops just like Gibbs has you all doing.”

He didn’t know what to make of Ducky’s saddened expression. The last thing Todd had wanted to do was upset the doctor. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s all right, my boy,” Ducky assured him. “You’re quite right. I just never realized that…” The ME patted him on the shoulder. “I’ll apologize to him after we’re done.”

“Why not now?” 

“You have an excellent point, my boy. I’ll…”

“Tony!” 

Todd and Ducky turned to see Palmer rushing over to the table where the young man was laying. “Ziva and McGee were right. Is it you? Where’ve you been? Are you all right? I bet Agent Gibbs was glad to see you; he’s been a bear ever since you disappeared. You look horrible, but I guess that’s to be expected.” 

He threw his arm over eyes, trying to block out Palmer’s incessant chatter. The last thing he needed was for someone else to think that he was Tony. Why didn’t anybody believe him? 

“I’ll be right back,” the ME promised. 

Todd smiled at the ME and nodded his thanks. “Hey Doc, remember what I said before about the apology?”

“Yes.”

“Just forget it. I understand now.”

Ducky’s laughter echoed throughout the room. “Thank you, Todd. Now, you stay right here and I’ll be right back.”

Todd could hear Palmer protesting as Ducky escorted him out of the room. Would this day ever be over? Slowly sitting up, Todd decided that clothes or no clothes, he was leaving this place and now was the perfect opportunity. Wrapping the sheet around his waist, he slowly stood to his feet, grabbing onto the edge of the table in order to steady himself. 

“Guess that coffee didn’t help as much as Agent Gibbs thought it would,” he muttered to himself. 

He stumbled over to a desk and fell into the chair. “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.”

Opening the drawers, he began searching them, hoping that he could find some money so he could at least get a cheap bottle of whiskey once he got back on the streets. His hands were beginning to shake and Todd knew that the tremors would only get worse if he didn’t have a drink soon. He pulled out the bottom drawer to discover a bottle. Could it really be that easy? 

He picked up the bottle and squinted at the label. Todd grinned as he realized that he was literally holding liquid gold in his hand. Dr. Mallard was a Scotsman and a Scotsman would always have scotch on hand. Taking off the lid, he brought the bottle to his lips and relished the taste of the fine liquor as he took a swig. 

“What on earth are you doing?”

Startled, Todd dropped the bottle and watched in dismay as it hit the floor and shattered. He looked up to see the ME standing in the doorway, an expression of disbelief on his face. “Look what you made me do,” Todd snarled. “You shouldn’t have snuck upon me! That bottle was…”

Ducky slowly approached him as he shakily rose to his feet. “Todd, I want you to listen to me,” the doctor pleaded.

“Look what you made me do,” Todd yelled. “He’s going to kill me and it’ll be your fault!”

“Why don’t you come back over here and lay down?” Ducky suggested.

“Why don’t you go to hell?”

His temper raging, Todd charged at the ME and knocked the elderly man off his feet. He straddled the ME and drew back his fist, “I can’t believe you made me break it. What is the matter with you? Do you want him to kill me, is that it?”

“Who, Todd? Who do you think is going to kill you?” Ducky wanted to know.

“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about,” Todd warned the elderly man.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Explain it to me.”

Todd shook his head. “You wouldn’t understand,” he whispered, his tone harsh and cold. “You don’t waste the good stuff. Do you know what I have to do to even get a glass of the good stuff?”

“No I don’t. Why don’t you tell me?” urged the ME.

“You don’t want to know.”

“Of course I do. Maybe it will help me understand what…”

“There’s nothing to understand, Dr. Mallard,” Tony argued. 

“In that case, why don’t you let me up off this floor and we’ll finish your X-rays?”

“No more X-rays. No more poking and prodding. I want out of here.”

“Don’t you think you should wait on your clothes? Abby should be here in just a few minutes.”

He liked Abby. Abby was his friend and he wanted to see her again. Before Todd could answer, two security officers rushed in and pulled him off the ME. He deduced that Palmer must have called security. He began to struggle, lashing out with all the strength he could muster. Despite his efforts, he found himself face down on the floor, his hands cuffed behind his back. 

“Release him,” Ducky instructed.

“Can’t do it, Dr. Mallard,” the first guard said, wiping a trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth. “Only an agent can authorize his release. Besides, it looks like he needs time to cool off.”

“You don’t understand, I startled him and…”

“It doesn’t matter, Dr. Mallard. I can’t release him.”

“We’ll see about that,” the ME said, picking up the phone. 

Todd figured that he was going to end up spending the night in a cell, especially if Agent Gibbs found out how he attacked Dr. Mallard. It wouldn’t be the first time, but Todd certainly wasn’t in a hurry to relieve the experience again. He had gone several months without upsetting the police, until today. 

As he was picked up off the floor, his sheet fell to the ground. Todd heard one of the guards snicker as the other guard picked up his sheet and draped it over him. He climbed on the table and lay on his side. The cuffs were biting into his wrists once again, but Todd didn’t complain. He welcomed the pain. Hopefully, the pain would keep him from thinking about the need he had to drown his problems in a bottle of whiskey. 

“Todd, are you all right?” Ducky asked.

He didn’t answer the ME’s inquiry. Instead, he clumsily turned on his other side so that he wouldn’t have to face the doctor, trying to ignore the Scotsman and the tremors that were beginning to wrack his body. His closed his eyes again and this time, he refused to open them, as he shut out the chaos around him and the turmoil that plagued his mind.


	6. Bad Moon Rising

Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs stormed into autopsy, his steps fueled by an anger that was nearly consuming him. He had been alerted to the fact that security had been summoned to autopsy, but it was the phone call from Ducky that had increased the urgency of his pace. The ME had briefly informed him of what had happened, but Gibbs had a feeling that his old friend wasn’t telling him everything.

As he entered the room, he found Palmer profusely apologizing to Ducky while the ME was pleading with the two security guards to take the handcuffs off of DiNozzo. The only person not saying anything was Tony; he was lying on his side with his hands cuffed behind him, his eyes closed tightly as if he were trying to block out the chaos around him.

“Hey!” the agent shouted in an effort to gain everyone’s attention. 

Silence ensued as Palmer, Ducky, and the two guards stopped talking and stared at the former Marine, their expressions a mixture of fear, apprehension, and in Ducky’s case, satisfaction.

Gibbs walked up to the guards. He could tell by their youthful faces that the two men hadn’t been working at the agency for very long, but in his eyes, that didn’t excuse their behavior towards his senior agent. He wasn’t sure what had happened to warrant Tony being placed in handcuffs, but it didn’t matter to the team leader; DiNozzo had been through enough without this added humiliation. The former Marine held out his hand. “Key,” he tersely ordered.

“But sir,” the first guard protested. “He’s apparently a danger to himself and others; he was attacking Dr. Mallard when we came in.”

He glanced over his shoulder at the ME; now he knew what Ducky had neglected to mention when he called. Gibbs made a mental note to deal with Ducky’s inability to deliver a fully detailed report at a later time. 

Turning his attention back to the two guards, he peered at their name tags. “Officers Miller and Tyler, tell me something. Did you ask this man to stand down?”

“Well, uh, no sir,” Tyler stammered. “We just saw that Dr. Mallard was in danger and we took him down; he resisted and we had no choice but to restrain him.”

Gibbs clenched his jaw, valiantly trying to keep his temper under control. Blowing out a frustrated breath, he held out his hand once again. “Key,” he demanded.

“He’s in our custody, sir,” Miller stated.

“He’s in my custody, Officer Miller,” Gibbs corrected the guard. “Now, if you want to remain employed at this agency, you’ll hand over the key. Now!” he bellowed.

Gibbs saw the two guards exchanged worried glances. Finally, Officer Miller held out the key prompting the team leader to snatch the key and push his way past the two guards. “You’re dismissed,” he growled at the two young men. “I expect a fully detailed report of this incident on my desk. Do you understand?”

“Yes sir,” the officers answered in unison, making a hasty retreat.

As soon as he unlocked the handcuffs, he noticed how Tony’s hands drifted to his face and head, covering them as if to ward off an attack. Gibbs swallowed hard. Placing his hand on Tony’s shoulder, he gently squeezed and called out to the hurting man. “Todd? It’s all right. You’re safe now,” Gibbs assured him.

Tony flinched at his touch, forcing Gibbs to jerk back his hand in fear of causing his agent even more distress. “I’m sorry,” he whispered into Tony’s ear.

He pulled up the sheet to cover Tony’s shivering form, amazed at how vulnerable the young man looked. DiNozzo had always managed to keep what he perceived to be his weaknesses hidden from everyone; now his soul was exposed for everyone to see. He turned to face Ducky and Palmer, the hardness in his eyes returning as he looked to the two men for an explanation.

Deciding that he would be better off talking to the ME alone, he took Ducky by the arm and led him to where they could have a private conversation out of Tony’s hearing. “Do you want to tell me what the hell is going on?” he barked.

“I only turned my back for a minute, Jethro,” the ME began to explain. “Tony managed to get up and make his way over to my desk. He discovered my bottle of scotch and was about to take a drink. I startled him and he dropped the bottle; it shattered when it hit the floor and Tony became enraged.”

“Is that when he attacked you?” the ex-Marine pressed.

“Attack is such a strong word, Jethro. I believe that it was just an automatic response to what Tony felt to be a threatening situation.”

“A threatening situation?” Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose. “He attacked you over a broken bottle of scotch. Do you realize that his reaction to this situation makes it look like he could have killed that lieutenant? When Baltimore PD found him, he was searching a dead man for a flask of cheap whiskey,” he snapped. “What does that tell you, Ducky?”

“That he’s desperate for a drink,” Ducky calmly replied. “Don’t lose your faith in him, Jethro. Not over this. Tony attacked me out of fear, not out of malice.”

“Out of fear? Fear of what?”

“I’m not sure,” the doctor admitted. “But, I do know that he was scared of something. You must remember that despite the fact that Tony appears to have no memory of his past, deep down inside, there are remnants of his former life that will manifest themselves in stressful situations. I would say that his attack on me stemmed from something that happened when he was young.”

“So, not only does he have to fight the fact that he has no memory of his past, but he has to fight the demons from his childhood as well,” Gibbs angrily deduced.

“It would appear so.”

Gibbs stared through the window at his senior agent. Tony used to joke that his life was like a poker game; sometimes he would get dealt a good hand, but most of the time, the deck was stacked against him. The team leader would then often deliver a good head slap, urging the younger agent to reexamine his way of thinking. Now, Gibbs was inclined to agree with Tony, the deck was stacked against him this time and it wasn’t fair. 

“How do we help him, Duck?” he quietly inquired.

“We’ll figure it out together, Jethro,” the ME vowed.

“I hope you’re right,” Gibbs sighed. 

“Tony’s a fighter.”

“But right now, he isn’t Tony. He’s Todd and Todd is a suspect in a murder investigation. I’m going to have to question him.”

“Are you sure that you should be the one to handle this?” Ducky asked. 

“No, but I don’t trust anyone else. I’m sure that Jenny will pull our team from this investigation, but until then, I’m going to find out what I can. I’m not going to let Tony go down for something that he didn’t do.”

Ducky smiled. “I knew that you hadn’t lost your faith in him.”

Gibbs returned the ME’s grin. “No, I guess not. So, are you through with him?”

“I just need to take a few more X-rays and…”

“Get them done and get him dressed. I want to talk to him in thirty minutes, Duck.”

“I’ll do my best, but I’m really not sure how much you’re going to get out of him,” Ducky tried to reason.

“Duck, I’ve got to clear him as a suspect before we can do anything else. Tony doesn’t need a murder charge hanging over his head while he’s trying to get his memory back.”

“I know that, but you’re forgetting one thing, Jethro,” the ME said.

“What?”

“Tony is clearly showing signs of alcohol addiction,” Ducky informed him. “In fact, I would dare say that he’s experiencing some early symptoms of withdrawal as we speak; I don’t know how clearly he’s going to be able to recall the day’s events.”

“I know, Duck” the team leader mumbled. “I know.”

Tony’s dependence on alcohol had become obvious to Gibbs when he had discovered Tony in the alley. DiNozzo had always had an underlying fear of becoming an alcoholic like his father, but Tony had always known his limits. With the exception of his yearly reunion with his frat buddies or the conclusion of a particularly difficult case, he usually kept his drinking to a minimum. Now, it was clear that DiNozzo’s worst fear had been realized during his time on the streets. Gibbs had to wonder what had happened to force Tony to seek solace in a bottle.

Gibbs felt the urgent need to go for some coffee. He needed to clear his head and convince himself to put aside his personal feelings for the time being. Right now, his priority was to prove Tony’s innocence. “Call me when he’s ready,” he instructed the ME.

He quickly left the ME to carry out his duties. Gibbs stepped into the elevator; he hit the emergency button, forcing the lift to come to an abrupt halt. He slammed his fist into the wall while muttering a string of expletives under his breath.

“God, Tony. I’m sorry.” Cradling his hand, Gibbs choked back a sob; the pain in his heart far outweighing the pain in his hand. “I’ll get your through this. I swear…”

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Abby had gathered up a change of clothes and was heading back to autopsy. She knew that Gibbs would want her processing the evidence, but at the moment, her main priority was making sure that Tony’s needs were being met and right now, Tony needed some clothes. 

She entered the room just in time to catch a glimpse of an unhappy Gibbs escorting Ducky to the foyer where the elevator was located at. The two men appeared to be having a heated discussion and Abby assumed that their conversation involved a certain dark haired agent who had been missing for a year. 

Taking a deep breath, she entered to find the ME’s assistant apologizing to Tony. Something was definitely hinky. Setting the clothes down on an empty table, she quietly stood behind Palmer in order to hear everything he was saying. 

“I hope that you can forgive me, Ton…um Todd,” Palmer pleaded. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I was just glad to see you and…”

“Any of what to happen, Jimmy?” Abby inquired.

She had to take a step back when Palmer whirled around to face her. It was obvious by his astonished expression that she had taken him by surprise. Abby smiled knowing that Gibbs would have been so proud.

“Abby, I didn’t hear you come in,” Palmer nervously replied. 

“You still didn’t answer my question,” she reminded him.

“Um, I didn’t know that Ton…Todd couldn’t…well, you know and when Dr. Mallard took me aside to explain the situation, Todd got up and found the Doctor’s scotch and…”

Abby crossed her arms. “And what?”

“Dr. Mallard caught him trying to take a drink and then…”

“I didn’t mean to break it,” Tony whispered. 

Abby pushed by Palmer and leaned over her ailing friend. “What did you say, Todd?” 

The Goth noticed the tremors that were racking Tony’s body and she knew that his body was craving alcohol. If it wouldn’t do him more harm than good, she would have been tempted to give in and let him have a drink. 

“I didn’t mean to break it,” he repeated. “I just…wanted…one…drink. That’s all.”

She absently began running her fingers through Tony’s hair as she tried to console him. “I’m sure it was an accident. Ducky can get another one.”

“Did I hurt him?” Tony wanted to know.

Confused, she asked, “Who?”

“Ducky. Did I hurt him?”

Abby glanced over her shoulder at Palmer who was shaking his head. “No, he’s fine,” she assured him. The Goth silently vowed to find out what had happened while she had been gone.

“I have to get out of here,” Tony cried. “I have…to leave.”

Abby wiped away the tears that were flowing freely down Tony’s cheeks. “No, you don’t. You’re safe here. Nobody’s going to hurt you.”

“Don’t care about myself…worried about you and…the others,” Tony mumbled. “Always…hurt…people.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do. Please…Abby…help me get out of…here,” he begged. 

She motioned for Jimmy to leave them alone, who willingly obliged. Turning her attention back to Tony, she leaned over and planted a kiss on his forehead. “I want you to listen to me, Todd.”

Abby had to choke back her own tears as Tony’s eyes met her gaze. His eyes were silently pleading for someone to reach out to him in kindness. How much pain had Tony endured during his time on the streets? Abby couldn’t bear to think about what his life must have been like, but she realized that one day, she would probably know every sordid detail. 

“Are you listening?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“Good. Now, the only way that you’re going to hurt any of us is if you disappear again. We’ve been looking a long time for you and now that we found you, we aren’t letting you go,” she promised.

“I don’t know you people,” he said. “I’m sorry. I know you want me to be this Tony guy and remember you all, but I can’t.”

“But you will,” she assured him.

“When?” 

“I don’t know, but you can’t rush it. It’ll take time.”

She studied Tony as he stared at the ceiling. Abby wondered if he was thinking about their conversation or if his mind was somewhere else completely. She used to be able to read Tony so well; his body language and moods often cluing her in as to what he was thinking. That wasn’t the case this time.

“Did you bring me some clothes?” Tony finally asked, breaking the silence.

“Yep, I sure did.”

“Can I put them on? I’m kind of cold.”

“Is Ducky through with his examination?”

Tony shook his head. “Don’t know, but I’m through.”

“Don’t you think…”

“No, I’m through down…here,” he declared.

“Not until I’ve finished with some X-rays, young man,” Ducky chimed in.

Neither of them had noticed the ME as he had quietly slipped back in the room. Abby wondered how much of their conversation Ducky had heard. She could sense Tony’s unease; he definitely needed a change of scenery. She winked at Tony and gently squeezed his hand. “Ducky, are the X-rays really necessary right now? Maybe we could do those later, when Todd’s feeling better.”

She was relieved when Ducky seemed to understand her underlying request. “I think they can wait a little while,” the ME agreed. “I have some other things I can do. I see that Abigail has brought you some clothes. Why don’t you let her help you get dressed?”

“Okay,” Tony conceded.

“I’ll see you later, Todd,” Ducky said. “If you need anything, let me know.”

“Thanks,” he muttered. “Doc?”

“Yes?’’

“I’m sorry.”

Abby smiled as Ducky patted Tony on the arm. “Don’t you fret, my boy,” the ME insisted. “All is forgiven.”

“Thank you, again,” the agent said.

“No problem, my friend. I’ll see you later.” As Ducky turned to leave, Abby thought he said something about Gibbs waiting for Tony, but the team leader would just have to wait. Tony needed time to pull himself together and she was determined to make sure that he got that time.

With a satisfied grin, Abby helped Tony sit up on the edge of the bed. “I told you that everything would be all right.”

“He’s a good man…better than me,” Tony said. 

“Don’t talk like that,” Abby warned. “You are a good man.”

“No, I’m not. I’m just a drunk who can’t make it…an hour…without a drink.” He held up his trembling hand. “See?”

“You can beat this,” the Goth declared. “Especially if we help you.”

She grabbed the clothes from the other table and held them out for Tony to inspect. Abby had managed to get DiNozzo’s clothes from Gibbs’ locker in hopes that seeing them would help Tony recall something about his past. 

Tony carefully fingered the shirt. “That’s nice,” he whispered under his breath. “Soft.”

“Only the finest.”

“Who do they belong to?”

Abby nervously licked her lips. “It doesn’t matter, they’re yours now.”

“Can’t wear them.”

“Why not?” Abby wanted to know.

“Clean clothes….need…a clean body. I‘m too dirty.”

“We can fix that. How about a nice hot shower before you get dressed?” she suggested. “It might make you feel a little better.”

Tony tiredly smiled. “I’d like that.”

“Come on, then. Let’s go.” 

Abby put one arm around Tony as he stood up. She wrapped the sheet around him, giving him time to steady himself. Making sure that she had grabbed the fresh clothes, the pair made their way towards the shower room. Abby purposefully took a route that would avoid an onslaught of curious onlookers; Tony didn’t need an audience as he staggered down the corridor. 

Once they got to the showers, she made sure that the area was clear. Sitting him down on the bench, she stepped in and turned on the water, adjusting it to the temperature that Tony had always preferred. “Do you need me to help you?”

Tony shook his head. “I can…manage.”

“Okay. The soap and shampoo are on the shelf and your washcloth is on the bar. I’ll just hang around close by in case you need anything.”

“Don’t look.”

She almost informed him that she had seen him naked a number of times, but right now, she had a feeling that he would be embarrassed at that thought. “I won’t,” she promised. 

Abby turned her back to him and listened as he slowly made his way to the shower. Every few seconds, she would ask him if he was all right and he would answer her with a frustrated grunt. “I get the hint,” she said. “I won’t ask again.”

“Thank you!” Tony mumbled.

Abby’s cell phone rang and she saw that it was Gibbs. “Abby Scuito, Forensic Scientist Extraordinaire at your service,” she answered, hoping that the team leader was no longer in a foul mood. 

“What is my forensic scientist extraordinaire doing in the men’s showers instead of in her lab processing evidence?” Gibbs wanted to know.

“Gibbs, I’m helping Tony, I mean Todd, I mean Tony.”

“Abby, you’re supposed to be helping him by proving his innocence.”

“Gibbs, he needs me right now. He’s opening up to me and he feels safe with me,” she explained. “As soon as he’s dressed, I’ll let him take a nap on my futon thingy and I’ll start…”

“Didn’t Ducky tell you? I want him in the interrogation room,” he informed her.

“He might have mentioned something about you wanting to see him, but you can’t interrogate him, Gibbs! He’s not ready.”

“It doesn’t matter, Abby. I’ve got to do it while I have the chance and I’ve got to handle this by the book or we’re going to be yanked off this case so fast it will make our heads spin. I’m surprised Jen hasn’t pulled us already,” Gibbs admitted.

“But…”

“No buts Abby! Get him up here now!”

She looked at her phone to see the words ‘call ended’ on the tiny screen. This was not good. Tony wasn’t ready to be questioned, but she also knew that Gibbs was doing what he thought was best. It was imperative to prove Tony’s innocence, but at what cost? Abby had no choice but to follow Gibbs’ instructions, but that didn’t mean that she had to like it.


	7. Bad Moon Rising

Todd sat at the table, his aching head cradled by his trembling hands. He vaguely recalled Abby escorting him here after she had informed him that Agent Gibbs wanted to talk to him. Todd didn’t want to talk to anybody, especially Leroy Jethro Gibbs. The man was too much of an enigma for Todd and he was too tired to try and piece together the puzzle that was Special Agent Jethro Gibbs. 

He could feel his heart pounding as he wiped the beads of perspiration from his forehead. “God, I need to get out of here,” he muttered to himself. 

Pushing back from the table, Todd stood up and began to pace, hugging himself in an effort to control the tremors. The last time he had gotten the shakes this badly, he had been forced to…No! He didn’t want to think about how he humiliated himself for a bottle of cheap liquor. After that particular incident, Todd had attempted to stop drinking several times, but he never could make it past the first few hours. 

Leaning against the wall, he closed his eyes as he fought a fresh wave of nausea. “I need a drink!” Todd shouted, hoping that someone was listening. “What’s taking so long? I’m leaving!”

Todd headed towards the door but stopped mid-stride, catching a glimpse of his reflection in the large mirror on the wall. He slowly approached the wall and studied the image staring back at him. Taking his hand over his scruffy beard, Todd shook his head in disgust. He noted how the new clothes that he was wearing hung off his frame and despite the fact that he had just showered, sweat was now clinging to his shirt. “Still a drunk,” he whispered. 

The sound of the door opening startled Todd. He watched as Agent Gibbs took a seat at the table and gestured for him to do the same. “Don’t want to sit,” Todd grunted.

“Suit yourself,” Gibbs replied.

“Can I have something to drink?” He hated the sound of his voice; it was weak, just like him.

“Water or coffee?” the team leader offered.

Todd scowled at the thought of having to drink anymore coffee, especially if it had been prepared by Gibbs. “Got anything stronger?”

“Caf-Pow?”

“What the hell’s…a Caf-Pow?” 

“Abby’s favorite drink.” Gibbs smiled at the young man. “Lots of caffeine to keep you going.”

“No thanks,” Todd said. “I’ll pass. I just want to get out of here.”

“I need you to answer some questions.”

“Then let’s get it over with.”

“All right,” Gibbs agreed. “Let’s start simple. What’s your name?”

Todd rolled his eyes; an action that only served to exacerbate his pounding headache. “You know my name.”

“Not your last name.”

“Don’t have one.”

“I think you do,” Gibbs countered. “I need to know what it is.”

Todd began pacing once again. What was it about this man that completely unnerved him? Why was it so damn important that he had a last name? The only time it had mattered was when he was checking into one of the shelters for the night and then he would just blurt out the first name that came to mind; he usually told the people who signed him in that his name was Todd Gibbs. 

He stopped and glanced back over his shoulder, his cool eyes fixated on the taciturn agent. “Todd Gibbs. That’s the name I usually gave the shelters.”

“Why did you choose that name?” the team leader inquired. 

Todd shrugged and leaned against the wall. “Don’t know. Just seemed to fit. First name that came to mind. Hope you don’t mind.” 

Gibbs smiled. “Good name. Can I show you something?”

“You’re the boss.”

Todd forced himself to start moving again; he didn’t like staying too long in one place.. His tremors were becoming worse and he didn’t know how much longer he was even going to be able to function. He just needed to get out here. Why couldn’t they just let him go? Couldn’t they see that he didn’t want their help? He had learned his lesson along time ago; when people offered to help you, they usually expected something in return and he had nothing left to give. 

“You need to sit down before you fall down,” Gibbs ordered.

“Can’t.”

He stumbled and had it not been for the former Marine’s quick actions, he would have ended up on the floor. Knowing that there was no use to protest, he allowed Gibbs to help him back to the chair. He wished that he could just pass out again, maybe this time he wouldn’t wake up and have to deal with the pain. “Just let me go,” Todd pleaded. 

“I can’t do that,” the team leader said. “Now, I want you to look at something for me.”

Todd watched as Gibbs opened up a folder and spread out some documents in front of him. He squinted at them in an effort to bring them into focus, but the only thing he could make out was a picture bearing his likeness. “What am I…looking at?” he panted.

“You’re looking at copies of Todd Gibbs’ records.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Todd Gibbs is the name that Anthony DiNozzo was using on his last undercover operation. Abby created his identity for the assignment,” Gibbs explained. 

“So that’s why you think that I’m Tony?” Todd asked. 

“I know you’re Tony and I’m going to help you get your memory back.”

Todd wiped the sweat from his forehead and then wiped his hands on his pants. “It’s hot in here.”

“I’ll have them turn up the air a little bit.” Gibbs leaned back in his chair. “Now, quit changing the subject.”

“I’m not changing the subject.”

“Okay then, tell me what you remember of your past as Todd Gibbs.”

Briefly forgetting about his headache, Todd began to shake his head vehemently. “There’s nothing to tell, Agent Gibbs. Nothing at all.”

“I think you’re lying to me, Tony.”

“Don’t call me that!” Todd warned. “I’m not Tony! I can’t be Tony!”

“Why not?” the agent demanded.

“I just can’t!” Todd growled.

“Why not?” Gibbs asked once again, his tone forceful and firm.

Todd closed his eyes and covered his ears with his hands as a collage of images began to flash through his mind. He was plagued by the sounds of gunshots and people screaming as they fell to the ground. Visions of blood and death began to assault his senses, making him violently ill. Falling out the chair onto his knees, he began to gag. “Make it stop!” he begged. “Make it stop!”

He could feel a pair of strong hands supporting him, but he couldn’t be sure if the hands of the stranger wanted to help him or hurt him. Todd pushed away from the man and scurried over to the corner of the room. Wiping the spittle from his mouth, he covered his head and waited for the blows to start. 

“Todd?” 

He recognized that voice. It belonged to Agent Gibbs. The older man called to him once more. “Todd?”

Slowly he lifted his head and looked around the room. His cheeks flushed as he realized what had just happened. He had made a fool of himself once again and now he would have to pay the consequences. Why couldn’t he do anything right? “I’m sorry,” he whispered to the man now sitting in front of him.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Todd,” Gibbs assured him. “Do you want to tell me what you saw?”

Todd shook his head. “No.”

He knew the agent was becoming increasingly frustrated with him, but truthfully he didn’t care. Todd didn’t want to relieve that terrors that he usually kept shoved in a box, locked up tight in the back of his mind.

“All right,” Gibbs reluctantly conceded. “But I still need to ask you some questions.”

“Whatever. Can I have a drink?” he asked, already know the answer.

“Water or coffee?” 

“Bastard,” Todd mumbled under his breath. “Water.”

He watched the agent walk over to the table and pour him a glass of water. Todd took the glass from Gibbs, but quickly discovered that his tremors would not allow him to hold the cup without spilling it. Without uttering a word, the team leader placed his hands over hiw onw to help him steady the glass. Todd could feel the calluses on the older man’s hand; it reminded him of something familiar, but he could remember what it was. 

Pushing that thought aside, Todd greedily drank the water until it was gone. He winced as his stomach churned and threatened to rebel, but he managed to tamp down the nausea. He looked into the steely gaze of the agent and nodded his thanks.

“You’re welcome. Now, about those questions,” Gibbs continued.

“What about them?”

“Tell me what happened today with the Navy lieutenant. Second Lieutenant Thomas H. Matthews.”

“I don’t know,” Tony quickly replied. 

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying! I don’t know what happened!”

“Think, Todd!” the team leader growled. “If you don’t come up with a good story that we can prove, you’re going to go prison for murder. I know that you couldn’t have killed him, but you’re going to have to help me prove that.”

“How?”

“By telling me the truth!”

“I don’t remember! Why don’t you believe me?” Todd angrily cried out.

“Because I think you remember more than you’re saying.”

“In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m not exactly a pillar of the community. All I remember is waking up next to him in the alley. I didn’t even know he was dead until the cops told me.”

“What happened before you passed out?” 

Todd clenched his jaw tightly. “I don’t know. Why don’t you leave me the hell alone?”

“Because I can’t, Tony,” Gibbs gently replied.

He bristled when Gibbs called him Tony. Todd was starting to hate Tony DiNozzo and he didn’t even know him. “Stop calling me that! I’m not going to ask you again!” 

Todd pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his head. He didn’t know how many more of Agent Gibbs’ questions he could take. The pounding inside his chest was matched by the throbbing in his head; his tremors were getting worse and Todd felt like he would almost welcome death if it meant relief. He could barely hear Gibbs calling out his name again.

“Todd? Are you all right?” Gibbs asked.

“No,” he gasped. “Hard to breathe, heart’s gonna explode…happens when I try and sober up…why I need a drink…makes everything better.”

“No it doesn’t, Todd. I want you to listen to me. I’m trying to help you, but…”

“I can’t breathe!” Todd clutched his chest with his hand. 

“Yes, you can,” the agent countered. “Look at me!”

Todd started to close his eyes but his respite was brief; Gibbs was shaking him and calling his name again. 

“Todd, look at me,” Gibbs tersely ordered. 

Opening his eyes, he saw Gibbs leaning over him, concern apparent in the ice blue orbs of the ex-Marine. “Todd, I’m going to help you,” he promised.

“No…just a drunk…end up in the…gutter.”

“No you’re not.”

Todd saw Gibbs look up towards the mirror and shout something about calling an ambulance. The young man began to panic again. “No ambulance…no hospital…no money.”

“You let me worry about that,” Gibbs said. “Right now, I need you to relax.”

Todd permitted Gibbs to lay him down on the floor. Why was this happening to him? Why couldn’t they just take him back to one of the shelters? Todd had always tried to stay out of trouble, but evidently his luck had run out. He kept telling himself that this was all a bad dream, but deep down, he knew that this hell was now his reality.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Ducky and Abby came bursting into the interrogation room. They had both been in the observation room watching as Gibbs kept pushing Tony to remember. Both the ME and the Goth wondered if the team leader had pushed Tony too hard and now that Tony had collapsed, it seemed that their concerns had been warranted. Jethro wanted Tony back, but he was going to have to realize that Todd wasn’t going to remember just because the agent wanted him to. 

The doctor had noticed the changes in Tony’s appearance and immediately began mentally checking off the signs of alcohol withdrawal. The sweating, the tremors, the irritability, the rapid emotional changes, all played a part in Tony’s physical deterioration. He had almost interrupted the interrogation when Tony began to have what appeared to be a flashback and became ill, but Gibbs had seemed to have everything under control.

The more DiNozzo and Gibbs argued, the worse Tony’s physical state became. The young man was having difficulty catching his breath and Ducky knew that Tony’s heart rate had to be skyrocketing. Thank goodness, Jethro had the good sense to call for help or Tony could be in serious trouble. 

Tony appeared to be calming down, but Ducky still thought it was a good idea for him to go to the hospital. When Gibbs had helped DiNozzo to lie down, Abby had fled the observation room and Ducky had been right on her heels. He knew that she was upset with Gibbs for pushing Tony, and although Ducky had tried to explain what Jethro was trying to accomplish, Abby didn’t want to hear it. 

She was already by Tony’s side, brushing his hair off his forehead while Ducky knelt on the other side and began checking DiNozzo’s vital signs. “His heart rate is still too fast, Jethro, but I have a feeling that it’s better than it was. His hands are clammy, he is sweating profusely, and the tremors are growing worse; if you add the irritability and the anxiety, it’s clear that he’s showing psychological and physical symptoms of alcohol withdrawal.”

“I know, Ducky,” Gibbs replied. “I know. I was hoping to get some answers before we had to deal with this.”

“You’re going to have to find those answers somewhere else,” the ME said.

“I know, Duck,” the team leader snapped. 

“I’m sorry, Jethro, I was just trying to…”

Ducky’s apology was interrupted by a knock on the door. The trio looked up to see Ziva standing there, her eyes fixed on Tony’s trembling form.

The ME stayed by Tony’s side as Gibbs made his way towards the Mossad officer. He quietly asked Abby to go and fetch a blanket and although she didn’t want to leave his side, she finally agreed, promising to return in a hurry. Ducky pressed his fingers on Tony’s neck to check his pulse again as he listened to the conversation between Ziva and Gibbs.

“Did you find the gun?” Gibbs asked.

“We combed the area as well as the dumpsters, the drains, and the other outlying areas and there was no gun,” Ziva reported.

“That’s not what I wanted to hear, Ziva.”

“I know, but I may have found something else.”

Gibbs’ eyes narrowed. “What?”

“Under a pile of the most disgusting refuse that I’ve ever seen, I discovered a rank insignia torn from a uniform. Now our dead lieutenant’s uniform was not torn, so there’s the possibility that…”

“Another person was involved,” Gibbs finished.

“Exactly.”

“All right,” he sighed. “That’s good work. Take that insignia and start developing a list of officers in the Baltimore and D.C. area who carry that rank and then see what McGee has come up with. I’ll be up there as soon as I can.”

Ducky glanced over his shoulder to see Ziva staring at Tony once again. “Is Tony all right?” she asked Gibbs.

“No Ziva, he’s not,” he honestly answered. “But he will be or he’ll answer to me.”

The ME nodded at the Mossad officer, trying to silently reassure her that Gibbs was correct. Tony would be okay…in time. After she left the room, Ducky saw Jethro studying the young man moaning on the floor.

Ducky had to smile. In the past, the thought of having to answer to Gibbs had kept Tony alive on more than one occasion. The ME wondered if it would be enough this time. This time there were so many obstacles to overcome and Jethro wasn’t known for his patience. 

He didn’t have anymore time for contemplations. The EMT’s had arrived and he stepped out of their way so they could do their job. Tony immediately began to struggle when the two men began to assess him. He placed his hand on the young man’s shoulder. “It’s all right, Todd. They just want to help.”

Tony cursed under his breath. “Don’t want their help. Leave me alone!”

“It’s all right, Todd,” Gibbs chimed in, trying to add his support. “They won’t hurt you.”

“Let me go!”

“No, Todd. Please just listen,” the ME pleaded. “They won’t hurt you.” 

“Can’t go!”

Ducky was relieved when Abby came back into the room. She threw the blanket aside and knelt back down beside Tony. 

“Todd, it’s Abby. Please listen to me,” she begged.

Todd stopped struggling. “Abby?”

“Yeah. Listen, you’re really sick and you need to be somewhere where you can get help, okay?”

“Scared.”

“I know. Me too.”

“Go with me?”

Ducky knew that this could be the deciding factor in gaining Tony’s cooperation. He looked to Gibbs for guidance. The team leader nodded and Ducky passed on the silent approval to Abby.

“Of course I will,” Abby said.

“Okay.”

The ME noticed how she held onto Tony’s hand while the EMT’s started an IV and then loaded him onto the gurney. As the medics were leaving with Tony, Ducky saw Gibbs whisper something in Abby’s ear, which she acknowledged with a mock salute. Yes, it was obvious that Abby was still not happy with Leroy Jethro Gibbs. The ex-Marine was going to have to work his way back into her graces.

After the EMT’s had taken Tony away, Ducky approached the team leader. “So what did you say to Abby?”

“I told her that I needed her back her as soon as possible. We’ve got a lot of work to do,” Gibbs stated.

“Jethro…”

Gibbs held up his hand, cutting the doctor short. “Ducky, please. It’s been a long day and it’s only just started. Now, go and finish your autopsy and let me know what you found. I’ll have McGee send you what we have on Lt. Matthews.”

“And where are you going?”

Ducky was left standing alone as Gibbs turned quickly and began to make his way down the corridor. “Jethro?” Ducky called out again.

As Gibbs rounded the corner, he heard the agent shout over his shoulder, “I’m going to see the Director.”

The ME shook his head. This development was not unexpected, but he had hoped that Director Shepard wouldn’t be in such a hurry to remove Jethro’s team from the investigation. A new sense of urgency came over Ducky and he quickly made his way back to autopsy. 

Sparing one final glance at the room, his thoughts turned back to Tony. “Don’t worry my boy; we’ll get you through this, one way or another.”


	8. 8

Jethro Gibbs didn’t bother knocking as he entered the Director’s office, he had too much on his mind to concern himself with formalities. He knew why Jenny had summoned him. She was going to pull him and his team off the Matthews case because she felt that it was a conflict of interest since DiNozzo was a suspect. Despite their history together, Gibbs knew that he wouldn’t be able to chance the Director’s mind, but he had to try.

He stood at her desk, impatiently waiting for her to acknowledge him. Gibbs realized that she was purposefully making him wait, making sure that he understood that she was in charge.

“I don’t even know why I have a door,” she mused, never taking her eyes off the file in front of her. “After all these years, you still don’t know how to use one.”

“You said you wanted to see me. Didn’t think I needed to announce myself,” Gibbs replied.

“It’s called etiquette, Agent Gibbs,” Jenny retorted. “Something that you seem to be lacking.”

“I must have missed that class,” the team leader grunted.

“Evidently. I’m sure that I can enroll you in a refresher course.”

Gibbs blew out a frustrated breath. “Why don’t you quit beating around the bush and say what you have to say, Director Shepard? I’ve got things to do.”

“Such as?” Jenny pressed.

“Such as getting to the hospital so I can check on DiNozzo.”

“I’m sure that he’s in capable hands for the moment; we have something of significant importance to discuss.”

The ex-Marine’s eyes narrowed at his former lover. “I don’t figure we have a damn thing to discuss. You’re just going to tell me that you’ve decided to pull us off the case.”

“You’re too close to this one, Jethro, and you know it.”

“Yeah, I’m close to it,” he agreed. “But that doesn’t keep me from doing my job!”

His steely gaze followed the Director as she rose from her desk and approached him. Gibbs crossed his arms, silently daring her to invade his personal space. He knew Jenny well enough to know that she was going to try and reason with him like he was some kind of wet behind the ears probie.

“Jethro,” she began. “I…”

“Save it, Jen,” he seethed, abruptly cutting her off. “I don’t want to hear how my judgment may be clouded by my emotions or how I can’t be objective about this case because it involves Tony. That’s a load of crap and you know it!”

“Have you even considered the possibility that Tony did kill Lt. Matthews?” Jenny wanted to know. “What are you going to do if it turns out DiNozzo is guilty?”

Gibbs clenched his jaw, trying to ignore the persistent throbbing in his temple. Sometimes he forgot how infuriating Jenny Shepard could be.

“That thought had briefly crossed my mind,” he finally admitted. “But despite the fact that Tony has no memory, he still couldn’t kill anyone in cold blood.”

“Jethro, he has no idea who he is and we have no idea what he’s capable of at the moment. The name Anthony DiNozzo means nothing to him.”

“It will,” Gibbs vowed.

“I hope you’re right, Jethro, I really do. But that doesn’t change the fact that we have a job to do.”

“I’m well aware of that, Director Shepard.”

“That’s why I’m…”

“Pulling me off the case,” he finished.

“Do you think you could let me finish a sentence?” she asked, the irritation in her voice was unmistakable. 

Not bothering to disguise his own annoyance, Gibbs tersely nodded. “Go ahead.”

“Thank you,” the Director answered. “I can give you 24 more hours before I have to pull you and your team off the case. If you can’t come up with a way to clear Tony by then, I’ll have no choice but to assign the case to another team.

“24 hours, huh? Feeling generous today?” Gibbs taunted.

“No,” she snapped. “Contrary to what you may believe, I do have a heart. I’m just as worried about Agent DiNozzo as you are.”

“I doubt that,” he shot back. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.”

“Agent Gibbs, I asked you a question.”

A faint smile escaped his lips. She still thought that she could get him to do her bidding by pulling rank on him. “You really want to know?”

“I asked, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did.”

“Well, I’m waiting.”

Gibbs sighed. “Well Director Shepard, it’s like this. I find it hard to believe that you have DiNozzo’s best interests in mind; I tend to believe that the extent of your concern for my agent doesn’t go beyond making sure that he’s able to pull off another undercover assignment.”

He could see Jenny visibly bristle. “Is that what you honestly think, Agent Gibbs?” she wanted to know.

“I call it like I see it, Jen.”

The team leader turned to leave. “I better go. Clock’s ticking.”

“Agent Gibbs…”

He shut the door behind him, ignoring the protests of the Director. The former Marine knew that he couldn’t afford to waste any more time arguing with Jenny; his determination to prove Tony’s innocence increased with every step. Twenty four hours wasn’t a lot of time, but it was more than he expected. He suspected that Jenny gave him the time to help ease her guilty conscience. 

The team leader was anxious to find out what Ziva and McGee had discovered. His team would pull together in an effort to clear Tony’s name, that much was for certain. Gibbs entered the bullpen and sat down in his chair. “We have 24 hours before we’re pulled from this case,” he announced. “I’ll be damned if we’re going to let Tony take the rap for this, so you better have something for me.”

His request was met with silence. “Well?”

Both McGee and Ziva began to spout off their reports, each one contributing another piece to the puzzle that they were trying to put together. Gibbs listened intently to the members of his team. Ziva was still running down possibilities on that rank insignia that she had found and McGee was going through Lt. Matthews’ personal records. Ordering them to continue with their specific tasks, Gibbs rose up from his desk and headed towards the elevator.

Gibbs was dreading going to the hospital but knew that he really didn’t have a choice. He needed Abby back at her lab, so he was going to have to stay with Tony. Hopefully Abby wouldn’t protest too much. She was the only one that Tony seemed to trust and he didn’t want to jeopardize that relationship, but he wasn’t convinced that Abby was going to be able to handle the next few days. The team leader had seen the affects of alcohol withdrawal and knew that DiNozzo was going to have a difficult road ahead of him, but he would make sure that Tony didn’t have to travel it alone. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Todd licked his lips. He was so thirsty that he would have settled for a drink of water, but for some reason, he was unable to form the words to ask for it. Todd could feel his stomach churning and knew that he was going to be sick. He tried to roll over and quickly discovered that he couldn’t move. A sense of panic came over him as he began to retch. Hands undid his restraints and swiftly turned him on his side where he proceeded to vomit once again. God, he hated throwing up! 

After a few minutes, he rolled over on his back and the paramedic raised the head of the gurney to a sitting position and the restraints were replaced. Todd closed his eyes against the dizziness and the headache that was plaguing him. He startled when someone brushed his matted hair from his sweat soaked forehead. 

Opening his eyes, he saw a familiar face staring at him. It was Abby. How did she get here? Why couldn’t he remember anything? “Abby,” he managed to whisper. 

“It’s me,” she assured him.

Todd was having a difficult time speaking as the tremors continued to rack his body. He whimpered slightly as the restraints holding him on the gurney began to bite into his skin. The walls of the ambulance were closing in on him, smothering him. He couldn’t take it any longer; Todd had to get out of here. 

He began to violently struggle despite the protests of Abby and the paramedic. “Let… me…go!” Todd demanded. 

“We’re almost at the hospital, Todd. They’ll make you feel better,” Abby tried to reason.

“I’m…gonna…die.”

“You’re not going to die. You know that Gibbs will kick your ass if you do.”

“Hurts…so…bad. Why…I…drink…no…pain.”

He didn’t know if he was making any sense and at the moment, he didn’t care. 

Todd felt Abby grasp his hand. “You drink so you don’t have to feel any pain?” she asked.

Maybe Abby did understand. “Yeah,” he mumbled.

“You don’t have to do that anymore. You’ve got friends who are going to help you get through this,” she promised.

“Won’t matter…gonna die.”

“Stop talking like that. We’re here at the hospital. Now, you just do what the doctors say and you’ll be back on your feet in no time.”

He squeezed her hand. “Don’t leave me,” he begged.

“I won’t.”

Todd refused to let go of Abby’s hand as they wheeled him into the emergency room. He heard the paramedic talking to someone but the only words he could make out was something about his vital signs being unstable. The nurses released his restraints and he felt himself being lifted from the gurney to a bed, but he was shaking so bad that they could barely hold onto him. Once again, He flinched when the doctor shouted something but it wasn’t until he felt a prick in his arm, did he realize what the physician had ordered. 

The doctor told him to relax, but Todd still couldn’t stop trembling. A sense of terror overwhelmed him when he felt another stick in his arm. What were these people doing to him? He called out for the one person that he could trust. “Abby?”

He felt her gently squeeze his hand. “I’m right here. I told you that I wasn’t going anywhere.”

“What’s…happening?”

“The nurse put an IV in your arm, that’s all,” she replied. 

Todd couldn’t sense any sign of deception in her voice. He knew that he should believe Abby; she had yet to lie to him, but that level of trust did not come easy for him. Todd attempted to sit up, but was firmly pushed back down on the bed by the nurse who had just finished putting his IV in his arm. 

“It’s okay, Todd. You just need to lie still,” she softly instructed. Don’t try and sit up.”

“Gotta get out of here.”

“No, you don’t. You’re safe and these people are going to help you.”

“No!” he yelled.

“Listen to me, Todd. You know I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“I know.”

“Then believe me when I tell you that no one wants to hurt you.”

He nodded as he closed his eyes. Todd willed the tremors to stop, but his body refused to obey him. “Can…I…have…something….to help…calm me down?” Todd pleaded. “Anything…just to stop me from…shaking.”

Within a couple of minutes, the nurse injected something else into his IV. Todd didn’t care what it was as long as it worked. He closed his eyes, not paying attention to the doctor who was listening to his heart; the only thing that he made sure of was the fact that Abby was still holding his hand. 

He heard the doctor call out his name. “Todd? Can you hear me?”

Todd opened his eyes and lazily nodded. “Good. My name is Doctor Cole. How are you feeling now?”

“Thirsty.”

“I’ll see about getting you some water. Other than that, can you tell me how you’re feeling?”

“Tired.”

“I can imagine. Listen to me, Todd,” the doctor said. “Now that you’re a little calmer, I’m going to order some tests including an EKG. It won’t hurt and it won’t take long if you cooperate. Do you understand me?”

“Drunk…not freakin’ stupid,” Todd growled.

He saw Doctor Cole smile at Abby, who simply shrugged. “My sincerest apologies, Todd. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“It’s okay,” he slurred. 

It was getting harder for Todd to focus and he figured that whatever the nurse had given him was finally working. He didn’t resist when his shirt was unbuttoned and sticky pads connected to wires were placed on his chest. Todd didn’t know what she was doing, but then again, he really didn’t care. 

Within a few minutes, the nurse removed the wires from his chest and took the machine away. Another nurse hooked him up to a monitor that would allow them to keep a check on his vital signs, or at least that’s what she had told him. Todd couldn’t remember a time when he felt this tired. 

He needed to sleep, but he couldn’t bring himself to close his eyes again. Todd had a feeling that if he shut his eyes, the dreams would start and he wouldn’t be able to stop them; not without drinking himself into a stupor. Looking up, he saw Abby standing over him, stroking his hair back out of his face once again. 

“Don’t leave,” he whispered.

“I’m going to step right outside your room so I can talk to the doctor,” she explained. “If you need me, all you have to do is yell. I won’t be gone long.”

Todd nodded. “Still going…to get me…that tattoo?”

Abby smiled. “As soon as you’re better,” the Goth promised.

“’Kay.”

Although his vision was blurred, he was able to watch her leave the room. His arms and legs felt as if they were lead, but he figured that anything had to be better than shaking uncontrollably. Todd glanced around the room. He felt like he was in a fog of some kind; he could see and hear what was going on, but he was powerless to act. Todd hated that feeling, but he couldn’t muster the strength to do anything about it. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Abby glanced back over her shoulder to be sure that Tony was still in bed. She was glad that he seemed to be doing better, although she wasn’t convinced that was entirely true. The Goth had been terrified in the ambulance and in the emergency room as she watched the doctor and the nurses feverishly work to stabilize her friend. 

Dr. Cole had asked her to join him outside so they could talk in private and that had frightened her even more. What if she had to make a decision for Tony? What if she decided the wrong thing? She was glad that Gibbs was listed as Tony’s next of kin, but of course, the only problem with that was that Gibbs wasn’t there.

“How’s he doing?” she nervously asked the doctor.

“I’ll know more when his blood work comes back, but for right now, he’s doing as well as can be expected,” Dr. Cole replied. “I’ve given him Valium to help take the edge off for right now, but we’ve got to decide on a course of treatment and we need to do that soon.”

“Well, um…I’m not his next of kin,” Abby informed him.

“Who is?”

“That would be me.”

Abby breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the ex-Marine coming down the corridor. Now, she could go and stay with Tony and let Gibbs make the decisions. “Dr. Cole, this is Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs,” she stated. “He’s listed as Tony’s next of kin.”

“Tony? I thought his name was Todd,” the physician said.

“Long story,” Gibbs insisted. 

She nodded in agreement and turned to go, eager to get back to Tony’s side. Abby almost made it to the door before Gibbs called out to her.

“Abs?”

Abby slowly turned around. “Yes, Gibbs?”

“I need you to get back to the lab. Jenny’s given us 24 hours to prove Tony’s innocence.”

“But Gibbs, I can’t leave him. I promised him that I would stay with him.”

“Abby, I’m sorry. As soon as you’re done, you can come back,” Gibbs reasoned. 

Abby knew that he was right; they needed to clear Tony’s name. She reluctantly nodded and headed back into DiNozzo’s room to tell him goodbye. Making her way over to Tony’s bed, she sat down on the edge of the mattress. She shuddered at the blank expression on her friend’s face. His eyes were open, but it was as if he wasn’t seeing her. Tony almost looked like one of Ducky’s corpses.

Taking a deep breath, she cupped his cheek with her hand and softly said his name. 

“Todd? It’s me, Abby.”

She smiled as he blinked and turned his head towards her. “I told you that I’d be right back.”

“Knew you would,” he mumbled.

“Yeah.” Tony looked at her, his eyes silently pleading with her to help him. Abby choked back a sob; she was not looking forward to telling Tony that she was going to have to leave him for a while. “Listen, I have to go back to work for a few hours, but Gibbs is going to stay here with you until I get back.”

Tony began to moan and thrash about. “No, can’t…deal…with…him.”

She took Tony’s hand. “Gibbs is more bark than bite. He’s just worried about you. I promise I’ll work super fast and I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Don’t leave,” he begged. “I’ll…be…good.”

“I’ll be back, I promise.” Abby took off her necklace and placed it around Tony’s neck. She happened to be wearing the one DiNozzo had bought her several years ago. “A very special friend got this for me and it’s one of my favorites. You keep this for me until I get back. I love this necklace; it reminds me of my friend and all our special times together.”

She brushed away a tear as Tony clenched the cross in his fist. “Who…gave it…to you?”

“Uh…you did,” she whispered.

“I…don’t remember.”

“I know.”

She leaned over and kissed his forehead. “It’ll be all right. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Okay.”

“Gibbs is just right outside.”

“Thanks…for…the…warning.”

Abby laughed as she gathered her belongings. She went up to Gibbs, who was still talking to Dr. Cole. Her eyes narrowed and she pointed her finger at the team leader. “Be nice,” she instructed.

Gibbs sighed. “Abs…”

“I mean it, Gibbs. You better be nice to him. He’s not had a good day.”

“I’m aware of that, Abs.”

“Well, don’t make it any worse. Be nice to him. That means no questions, no talking about a past he can’t remember and…”

“Abby, go,” Gibbs ordered. “We’ll be fine.” 

“Call me with updates.”

“I will,” he promised.

“You better.”

“Abby…”

She headed towards the exit. “I’m going,” she muttered under her breath. Abby hoped that Gibbs would keep his word and not push Tony too hard. She knew that the team leader meant well and was doing what he thought was best for DiNozzo, but if he wasn’t careful, they were going to lose Tony forever. She had decided that she would rather have Tony DiNozzo in her life as Todd Gibbs than not to have him at all; but she had a feeling that Gibbs wouldn’t be willing to accept that arrangement. He was determined to get Anthony DiNozzo back, but Abby wasn’t sure that Gibbs was prepared to face the horrors of Tony’s time on the streets.


	9. Bad Moon Rising

While Dr. Cole was talking to one of the nurses, Jethro Gibbs found himself vividly remembering the day that Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo had nervously asked him if he could list the former Marine as his next of kin. Every year the agents were supposed to update their personal information sheet and DiNozzo would intentionally leave the line blank that requested the information of his next of kin. Tony had evidently been ignoring the repeated requests of the human resources department to complete the form and they had in turn called Gibbs leaving him no choice but to confront the younger man.

 

***flashback***

 

The team leader hung up the phone and glared at the young agent seated diagonally across from him. He had just received another call from personnel regarding Tony’s file. He stood up and in two strides found himself in front of DiNozzo’s desk.

Tony looked up from the file he had been studying. “Something wrong, Boss?” he asked. “Do we have a case?”

“How long have you worked for me, DiNozzo?”

“Uh, about a year and a half, I guess.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Why do you ask?” Tony wanted to know.

Gibbs walked around and sat down on the edge of DiNozzo’s desk. “I would like to think that after a year and a half, you would learn not to leave blanks when filling out your information sheet that goes in your personnel file!”

Tony winced. “They called again, huh?’

“Yep. They call me again, DiNozzo.”

“Sorry, Boss.”

“I don’t want an apology; I just want to know why you haven’t been to human resources to finish filling out that damn form!” Gibbs barked.

“I just haven’t had time,” Tony attempted to reason.

“Go now,” the team leader ordered.

“Now?”

Gibbs blew out a frustrated breath. Sometimes he wondered if DiNozzo stayed awake at nights trying to think of ways to push his buttons. “Now, DiNozzo!”

“Boss, I…uh…you see… I have this problem.”

“Just one, DiNozzo?”

“Well, it’s like this,” Tony began. 

The ex-Marine held his hand up, abruptly cutting off DiNozzo in mid sentence. He stood and headed towards the elevator, motioning for Tony to join him. Gibbs could tell by the young man’s hesitancy that he wasn’t comfortable having this conversation in the bullpen, so the team leader decided to finish their discussion in the confines of his private conference room. As soon as the two men had entered and the door closed, Gibbs flipped the emergency stop button, bringing the elevator to a halt.

“Now talk,” Gibbs instructed.

It concerned him that his normally animated field agent was now still and contemplative. Tony was obviously having a difficult time taking his thoughts and putting them into words.

“Tony?” he called out again, his tone lacking the harshness of before.

“Yeah?” DiNozzo mumbled.

“Talk to me.”

Tony nodded as he leaned against the wall. “I um…the information sheet asks for the name of your next of kin and I…don’t have anyone to list. I left it blank, hoping that no one would notice; I guess that didn’t work too well. It seems that the new director of human resources is immune to the DiNozzo charm. I didn’t mean for them to call you, Boss.”

“Well they did. Three times,” Gibbs reminded him. “I take it that you ignored the previous two notes that I left on your desk.”

“Those were from you?”

The team leader pinched the bridged of his nose while shaking his head in disbelief. “DiNozzo,” he sighed. 

“I know, Boss. I’m sorry. I’ll just call human resources and tell them that I don’t have a next of kin,” Tony said. “Maybe they’ll believe me. I don’t know why it’s so important anyway.”

“I know your mother’s dead; what about your father?” Gibbs inquired.

“He might as well be dead. I haven’t had any contact with him for a long time and I don’t plan to talk to him anytime soon. Hell, he probably thinks I’m still in Peroria.”

Gibbs knew that there was a lot more that Tony wasn’t saying. It hadn’t taken the former Marine long to figure out that the real Anthony DiNozzo often hid behind a mask that he expertly wore to disguise what Tony perceived to be his vulnerabilities. The younger man didn’t talk much about his childhood, except in little snippets that would surface at the strangest of times. 

“Are you telling me that your dad wouldn’t care if something happened to you?” the team leader pressed.

“My father would probably be elated at the fact that I wasn’t around anymore to tarnish the DiNozzo name.”

The team leader noticed how Tony only referred to the senior DiNozzo as father; he never called him dad or anything containing a hint of endearment. Gibbs knew that now was not the time to sort out the details of his agent’s apparently difficult childhood. 

“Why don’t you pick someone else?” he suggested. “There must be someone else around that you trust and respect enough to…”

“You,” Tony blurted out.

Gibbs was taken by surprise. “What?”

“Can I list you as my next of kin?” Tony repeated.

“Me?” 

“You’re right, it’s a bad idea,” DiNozzo said. “I mean you’re my Boss, not my keeper. I shouldn’t have even brought it up, but you know how I sometimes speak without thinking and…I’m shutting up, Boss. I’ll take care of it.”

It wasn’t that he minded being listed as Tony’s next of kin; he just couldn’t fathom why DiNozzo would pick him. “Tony, are you sure that you want me to serve as your next of kin?”

“Well, I don’t know who I’d rather ask. You said that I should pick someone that I trusted and respected and well…there’s no one else that I…” Tony closed his eyes. “I’m making this sound alike a Hallmark commercial. Look, if you don’t want to, it’s fine. I’ll ask Ducky since he’s listed as my primary physician anyway.”

“I’ll do it,” Gibbs agreed. “But if you make me exercise my rights as your next of kin, I’ll kick your ass.”

DiNozzo grinned. “Got it, Boss…”

 

***end flashback***

 

“Agent Gibbs?” 

The team leader was forced back to reality by the concerned tone of Dr. Cole. He silently chastised himself for allowing his mind to wander. Maybe Tony would have been better off choosing someone else to serve as his next of kin because right now, he was not doing a very good job of making sure that Tony’s needs were being addressed. 

“Yes?” Gibbs answered.

“I’m sorry for the interruption. Perhaps we could go somewhere a little more private and I’ll explain to you what our options are,” Dr. Cole suggested.

“Sounds good.” 

He followed the physician down the hall to a doctor’s lounge. He took a seat as the doctor poured them both a cup of coffee. Gibbs nodded his thanks as Dr. Cole sat down across from him. 

“Before I begin, Agent Gibbs…”

“Jethro.”

“Jethro, you can call me Tom. Now as I was saying, I would appreciate any information that you can give me on Todd,” the doctor requested. “It would help me decide which course of action to take in treating him.”

“His name is Anthony DiNozzo,” the ex-sniper corrected. “He’s a NCIS agent and he disappeared about a year ago. He has no memory and we assume that he’s been living on the streets for a while. I’m not sure how long he’s been drinking.”

“Well, I have to say that this is one the most unusual cases that I’ve had. So, why does he call himself Todd?” Tom wanted to know.

“Todd Gibbs was the name that he was using on the assignment. I guess something happened and now the only life he remembers is his life as a homeless man.”

“Well, my first priority is getting Tony through the next few days. He’s already showing some moderate to severe symptoms of withdrawal. I’m sure you’ve seen a lot of them including nausea, vomiting, tremors, rapid heart rate, increased agitation, just to name a few.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed them. It’s hard not to.”

“Then you know that things will get worse before they get better.”

“Yeah.”

“When Tony first arrived, I gave him some Valium to help take the edge off, so to speak. I’ve also started an IV to help keep him hydrated and I’ll be ordering Diazepam to be…”

Their conversation was interrupted by the doctor’s pager. Gibbs had a sinking feeling that the page that Tom was receiving pertained to Tony. 

“Come with me,” the doctor insisted. 

Gibbs rose up from his seat and followed Dr. Cole down the hallway to the room that Tony was currently occupying. He could hear his agent screaming, his agonizing pleas echoed down the corridor. The two men entered the room to find several orderlies and nurses trying to restrain Tony as he valiantly fought them. 

“Get them off!” Tony roared. “God, please, get them off!”

“What’s going on here?” Dr. Cole demanded to know.

“He’s hallucinating,” the nurse informed the doctor. “He began screaming about roaches crawling all over him and started hitting himself like he was trying to get them off. He pulled out his IV and was trying to get out of bed. We tried to get him back into bed and he started fighting us; a couple of times he called out for someone named Abby.”

Gibbs listened as the nurse described the horror that Tony was experiencing. He had not been scared in a long time, but seeing DiNozzo like this truly frightened him. The team leader could only begin to imagine what the young man was going through. He heard the doctor order restraints and another medication, but Gibbs couldn’t be sure what it was. All he knew for sure was that Tony was hurting and that he was helpless to stop his pain. 

“Talk to him, Agent Gibbs,” Tom instructed. “See if you can calm him down.”

He nodded as the doctor continued spouting off orders at the nurses. As he approached Tony’s bedside, the agent was pulling against his restraints, cursing and begging for someone to help. Gibbs placed his hand on Tony’s arm and called out his name. “Todd?”

“Help me, please…”Tony shouted. “Get them off of me! Crawling on me! Can’t stand it!”

“The doctor is trying to help you, Todd. You have to calm down.”

“No…make him get them off…I can’t take it…I’ll be good…promise.”

“Todd, you haven’t been bad. Listen to me, you haven’t been bad. You’re sick and we’re trying to help you.”

“Gibbs! Where are you, Gibbs?” Tony shouted. 

“I’m here,” he assured the ailing man.

“Gibbs? Help me…don’t leave me here…”

“I won’t,” Gibbs vowed.

“Left me…you…left me.”

Confused, Gibbs replied. “No, I’m still here.” 

“Left me.”

He cupped Tony’s face with his calloused hands. “Look at me. You’re not alone. I promise you will not go through this alone. You have my word.”

Gibbs released DiNozzo’s face and took his hand. Whatever medication Dr. Cole had ordered seemed to be working; Tony was finally settling down and wasn’t struggling against his restraints as much. “That’s it, Todd; you’re doing fine,” he softly whispered. 

The former Marine wished that Tony would fall asleep, but every time DiNozzo closed his eyes, within a few seconds, he would snap them open and look around the room. His gaze still had a panicked look as if he were seeing something that frightened him to the core of his being. 

After a few minutes, Tony did finally manage to drift off to sleep, much to the team leader’s relief. Dr. Cole motioned for him to step outside Tony’s room. 

“I’m going to admit Tony to ICU for the next little bit,” Tom said. “I need him monitored very closely; his heart rate is still not where it needs to be. Anymore episodes like that, he could very well be headed for a cardiac arrest. There’s also the possibility of seizures, but I’ve got him on medication to hopefully prevent that from happening.”

Gibbs nodded his understanding. “What about the DT’s?”

“Those usually start two or three days after the last drink. We’ll be able to manage those better as well if he’s in ICU.”

“Tony hates hospitals,” Gibbs muttered, not meaning for anyone to hear him. 

“Trust me. He probably won’t remember the next few days.”

“Is there anything else you can do? What about rapid detoxification?”

Dr. Cole sighed. “I can give you some information on it, but personally, I don’t think it’s a good idea. Yes, it’s supposed to get someone through the worse of the withdrawal quicker, but I’m not sure that it’s necessarily the best solution. I’ll go and get you that information and then you can decide. I’ll respect your decision.”

“That sounds fair,” Gibbs agreed. “Now, about the restraints…”

“They stay for right now. Trust me. It’s for the best.”

The team leader nodded. “For now.”

“They’ll be coming to move him up to ICU in a few minutes. I’ll meet you all up there.”

“Thanks.”

Gibbs stepped back inside the room to find Tony’s eyes still closed. He doubted that DiNozzo was truly sleeping; the agent was in constant motion indicating that he was restless. The tea, leader dreaded the decisions that he would have to make for Tony in the near future. When DiNozzo recovered, he would have to keep his promise and kick his ass, or at least deliver one or tow old fashioned head slaps. “You’re going to get through this, Tony,” he whispered.

The sound of his phone ringing shattered the near silence. It was Abby. She was probably calling to fuss at him for not giving her an update although she had only been gone a little over two hours. “Gibbs,” he answered.

“Gibbs!” she excitedly exclaimed. “I think we have something to help clear Tony!”

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Not for the first time, Todd wished that he was dead. He could no longer move, he could no longer think, and he no longer cared. There had been many times on the streets when he could have simply given up, but something had spurred him on. Right now, he was cursing that inner voice who was refusing to let him quit. 

The pain was becoming unbearable. His body was being denied the one thing that it desperately craved. Opening his eyes, he saw Agent Gibbs standing across the room talking on the phone. Gibbs. The man scared him and he didn’t know why. Abby had promised him that the agent was a good man, but Todd had seen too many so called good men turn bad. 

Gibbs had been in here holding his hand and telling him that everything would be all right. He felt like telling the agent that he was a liar. Everything would not be all right; things hadn’t been all right for a long time. Todd couldn’t find the energy to form the words that he needed, so he simply lay there, hoping for his death.

The feeling of insects crawling on him was still present, but he could do nothing about it. His arms and legs felt like lead and his movements were limited, so he settled for staring at the ceiling. Maybe if he didn’t think about the roaches, they would go away. 

He heard footsteps approaching him. Despite his blurred vision, he recognized Gibbs standing over him putting away his phone. “Hey, you’re awake,” the agent said.

Todd couldn’t do anything by moan.

“That was Abby,” Gibbs continued. “She found something that may help us.”

Todd truly didn’t care. All he could think about was the pain racking his body. “What?” he finally managed to whisper.

“Don’t worry about it right now. Just rest.”

Todd nodded and closed his eyes again. If he was lucky, maybe he would never wake up again.


	10. Bad Moon Rising

Abby was ecstatic. She had been processing evidence ever since she had returned from the hospital and fortunately, it didn’t take long for her to discover something that could help prove Tony’s innocence. Ziva had given her a torn rank insignia and the forensic scientist had been able to lift two sets of prints; one belonging to Lt. Matthews and the other set belonging to Captain Joseph Wells. McGee had quickly tracked down the Captain and he and Ziva had left to bring Wells in for questioning. She had volunteered to call Gibbs with a sitrep.

She waited impatiently for the ex-Marine to answer; Abby knew that he could use some good news right about now. If they could clear Tony’s name, then they all could focus on helping their friend regain his memory and his life.

“Yeah, Gibbs,” the team leader answered.

“Gibbs! I think we have something to help clear Tony!” she exclaimed.

For the first time since this ordeal began, she could detect a glimmer of hope in his voice when he asked, “What is it, Abs?”

Knowing Gibbs’ penchant for wanting her to get directly to the point, Abby began to explain her findings to him. When she finished, she had expected some form of praise from the team leader, but her expectation was met with silence. The hint of hope was now gone, replaced by a growing sense of uncertainty.

“Gibbs, did you hear what I said?” she inquired.

“Yeah, I heard you,” he replied.

“Well, isn’t it great?”

“Yeah. Be sure to call me when Ziva and McGee get back with Captain Matthews,” he instructed. “I want to talk to him.”

“All right.” Something was wrong. He had almost sounded excited just a few minutes ago, but now he sounded tired. She could sense the fatigue that seemed to be plaguing Gibbs and suddenly Abby was afraid. The Goth was scared that in the former Marine’s determination to find Tony DiNozzo, that she would end up losing Jethro Gibbs. 

“Gibbs, are you okay?” she finally managed to ask.

“I’m fine, Abs,” the team leader assured her. “I just have a lot on my mind.”

Abby took a sip of her Caf-Pow, silently wishing she was there with Gibbs to bestow upon him one of her infamous hugs. She realized that he would have to make some tough decisions regarding Tony and she knew that he would try and bear that burden alone. “Gibbs?”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t have to do this alone. We’re here for you and for Tony,” she reminded him.

“I know and I’m sure that somewhere buried deep in Tony’s mind, he knows that as well. But right now, I’m responsible for making the decision regarding his treatment and for the first time in a long time, I’m not sure what to do. I’m not sure I can help him through this.”

To hear Gibbs doubt his abilities tore at Abby’s heart. Even when Tony had been missing, he had been focused; his sole purpose was to find his missing agent. The events of the past year were now catching up with him, shattering the usual confidence of the normally stoic team leader. Gibbs had always known what Tony had needed and now he was at a loss to decide what was best for the younger agent. A simple head slap or a night in Gibbs’ basement watching him work on the boat was not going to help DiNozzo this time.

“Gibbs, if there’s anybody that can help Tony, it’s you.”

“He’s scared of me, Abby. Every time he looks at me, I can see the fear in his eyes.”

“How do you know that he’s afraid of you? Twenty four hours ago, he was living on the streets and whether we like it or not, it was his home. He’s been ripped away from that life and now, he’s being restrained in a hospital bed going through alcohol withdrawal with no memory of his past,” she pointed out. “I would be scared. You would be scared. Why don’t you expect Tony to be scared? It doesn’t mean that he’s scared of you.”

Gibbs sighed. “I guess you’re right. How did you get so smart?”

Abby smiled. “I learned from the best. Do you want me to come back to the hospital?” she asked.

“No. We need to be sure that we have everything we need to clear Tony. He’s got enough to deal with; he doesn’t need a murder charge hanging over his head.”

“Okay,” she agreed, not bothering to disguise the disappointment in his voice.

“Believe me, Abs. I don’t think Tony would want you to see him like this.”

“No, Tony wouldn’t,” she conceded. “But you have to remember that right now, he doesn’t know who Tony is; he’s Todd and Todd trusts me.”

“I know and when you’re done and we have the real murderer locked behind bars, then you can come see him.”

“But if you need me before then…”

“I’ll call you,” he promised.

“Okay, but tell Tony that I called to check on him.”

“I will.”

Before she could utter another word, Gibbs hung up. She sat down on her stool and finished the last of her Caf-Pow. “Empty,” she muttered. Gibbs would have known that she needed a refill and would have been in her lab with Caf-Pow in hand before she had taken the final sip. Abby longed for the day when things would be back to normal at NCIS. Gibbs would be head slapping Tony for some smart aleck comment, Tony would be torturing McGee and flirting with Ziva, and she would be surrounded by her family. She was beginning to wonder if that day would ever come.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Ducky had just finished the autopsy on Lt. Matthews, determining that the cause of death was a gun shot wound to the chest. There had also been some bruising noted on the officer’s arms as if he had been involved in a struggle of some kind, but the rest of the body had been in pristine condition. Palmer had just left to take the bullet to Abby for testing and now he was awaiting the blood analysis results. He sat down at his desk and began to peruse the initial findings that Palmer had completed at the crime scene, hoping that he could find something that would help in proving Tony’s innocence. 

His thoughts turned to Tony. The ME was aware that the young man was headed down a difficult road and his heart ached for his friend. Alcohol withdrawal was not a pleasant experience but the true challenge would be for Tony to overcome the psychological dependence that was created by the alcohol. Ducky shook his head and sighed. “Oh my dear boy, you have a hard journey ahead of you, but you’ll have us to help you along.”

The doctor thought back to his last conversation with Tony DiNozzo. It was the morning before he was going on his last undercover assignment. Despite Gibbs’ orders from the previous night to go home and rest, Tony had come back to work around midnight and had finished up some paperwork that he claimed needed to be done. Ducky had come to work about 6:30 the next morning to find DiNozzo curled up on one of the autopsy tables.

 

***flashback***

 

The elderly doctor turned on the lights as he entered the room. He had intended on coming in and finishing the autopsy that he had started yesterday, but instead, Ducky found himself staring at the sleeping form of Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. Hanging up his coat, he made his way to the table and gently called out to the young man. He had learned the hard way that it was best not to startle Tony from a deep sleep; the last time he had made that mistake, he had ended up with a broken nose, for which DiNozzo was still apologizing for several years later.

“Tony?”

The agent stirred slightly as Ducky called out to him again. “Tony? It’s Ducky.”

Tony opened his eyes and smiled at the ME. “Hey, Ducky,” he sleepily greeted. “What time is it?”

“It’s a little after 6:30 in the morning. Have you been here all night?”

Ducky helped Tony sit up on the edge of the table. He immediately noticed how tired the senior field agent looked and he wondered if it this upcoming undercover operation was a good idea. It hadn’t been that long ago that DiNozzo had jumped into freezing water to save Jethro and Maddie Tyler; Tony had been sick for several weeks after that, claiming that he just had a cold. No one, including the stubborn agent, seemed to understand how damaged his lungs had been from the plague and that Tony could only subject his body to so much mistreatment before he began to suffer the irreparable consequences. 

“Is Gibbs here yet?” Tony asked.

“I don’t think so.”

“Good.”

“So, tell me why you’re here, Anthony. I explicitly remember Gibbs instructing you to go home and get some rest and yet you’re here.”

Tony shrugged. “I went home for a while. Watched some Magnum, but I couldn’t sleep. So I figured I’d come in and catch up on some work and…”

“And you never went back home,” Ducky finished. 

“No. I went to Abby’s lab to leave her something and then I came here and it was so…peaceful. I decided to lay down for a minute but I guess I went to sleep. II really didn’t mean to, but you know how it is. Do me a favor and don’t tell Gibbs,” Tony pleaded.

“On one condition,” the ME said.

“What’s that?”

“You tell me what’s really bothering you.”

Tony looked down at the floor. “What makes you think anything is bothering me?”

“Because I know you, Anthony.”

Ducky waited patiently for DiNozzo to organize his thoughts. He had learned over the years that when it came to personal matters, Tony preferred to keep them buried under his frat boy persona. Most of the time it didn’t bother him that people didn’t attempt to look under the mask that the young man wore so efficiently, but every once in a while, Ducky could see something in Tony’s eyes that betrayed the senior agent’s true feelings. 

“I’m not sure I can explain it.”

“Try,” the doctor urged.

“I guess I’m a little nervous,” DiNozzo finally admitted.

“What on earth for? This isn’t your first undercover assignment.”

“No it’s not; but it’s the first one since I blew the La Grenouille op all to hell.

“I don’t believe the blame solely lies on your shoulders.”

“Yeah well, that’s a matter of opinion. Anyway, I guess I just feel like I’ve got to prove myself all over again, especially to Gibbs.”

“Anthony, you have nothing to prove to anyone. You are one of the best agents I’ve ever worked with, your instincts and abilities parallel Jethro’s. Don’t start doubting yourself now; your mind needs to be focused on the task at hand.”

“I know. I can’t help it. I guess going undercover as a homeless person is dredging up some bad memories and maybe I’m a little sensitive,” Tony attempted to reason. “My father always said I’d end up in the gutter and it looks like he’s right.”

Ducky placed his hand on Tony’s shoulder. “And since when did you start listening to anything that bastard ever said? You wouldn’t be doing this if Jethro didn’t think you could do it.”

“I know and I keep telling myself that,” Tony said. “I just…”

“Then tell me what you’re really worried about, Tony. You know you can trust me.”

The ME knew that this was the pivotal moment in their conversation, the moment where Tony would either trust him or slip his mask back on. “Tony, please,” he gently pressed. 

The elderly man smiled when DiNozzo nodded. “I just have the feeling like I’m never going to see you guys again,” Tony stated. I feel like once I go undercover as Todd Gibbs, Tony DiNozzo won’t be coming back.”

“Nonsense, my boy. You’ll come back to us and in one piece I might add, because if you don’t…”

“Gibbs will kick my ass,” Tony finished.

“Precisely.”

Ducky took a step back as Tony hopped down off the table. “I better go and get ready. I appreciate the ear, Ducky.”

“Any time, my boy and remember what I said.”

“I will, Ducky. Thanks.”

He watched as the younger man headed towards the elevator. “Tony?” he called out. 

DiNozzo stopped glanced back over his shoulder at him. “Yeah?”

“If you have any doubts about carrying out the assignment, maybe you should talk to Jethro,” Ducky suggested.

“No, I’m good,” Tony quickly replied. Too quickly in the ME’s opinion.

“Tony, please just consider…”

“Ducky, I’m fine. Don’t worry and please don’t say a word about any of this to Gibbs.”

“I already told you that I wouldn’t. I would never betray your confidence.”

“I know, Ducky. Thanks.”

“Take care of yourself, Anthony.”

“You too, Ducky.”

Ducky patted Tony on the shoulder. “There’s one more thing I want to ask you, Tony.”

“What’s that?” the agent inquired.

“You said you had to leave Abby something. What was it?”

The agent tiredly grinned. “Nothing of any importance. See you later, Ducky.”

The doors closed leaving the medical examiner alone with his thoughts. There were still some secrets that DiNozzo would never disclose and he had to accept that the box he left with Abby every time he went on a long term undercover operation would remain a secret. He had thought that maybe since Tony was in such a reflective mood, that he would divulge the contents of the box, but obviously today was not going to be the day of revelation.

 

***end flashback***

 

He wished that he had gone to Jethro that day and told him about Tony’s hesitancy regarding the undercover operation, but Tony had trusted him to keep his secret and he could not break a promise to a friend. Looking back, he often wondered if he had made the right decision that morning. Could he have spared Tony’s suffering? If he had only come forth with his doubts and concerns, maybe Tony wouldn’t be lying in a hospital bed fighting for his life? 

Ducky reached in his drawer, pulled out a bottle of scotch and poured himself a drink. As he raised the glass to his lips, he stopped short of taking a sip. What was he doing? Is this how Tony started? Was one drink all it took to push DiNozzo over the edge? He set the glass down; suddenly the thought of taking a drink wasn’t so appeasing. 

The ME sighed in frustration. “Oh Tony, I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I hope that one day you can forgive me for not being a better friend.”

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Gibbs sat in the chair next to Tony’s bed, afraid to move for fear of waking the younger man. It seemed that every noise or movement startled DiNozzo out of his restless slumber and it would take quite a while before Tony would allow his eyes to close again. Even when he was supposedly asleep, Tony’s movements were constant, preventing his senior agent from truly resting. The young man was constantly pulling against his restraints and the team leader could only imagine the bruises that Tony would have when the restraints finally came off. 

Earlier when Tony had come around, he had informed him that Abby had discovered something that would hopefully clear his name, but he doubted that DiNozzo even remembered the conversation. Although he was being sedated, Tony was still experiencing the side effects of alcohol withdrawal. Gibbs studied the man before him, silently wondering how much more Anthony DiNozzo could withstand. 

The ex-Marine vowed that when Tony was better, he would hunt those responsible for DiNozzo’s pain. He would make them suffer and no one would be able to stop him. Gibbs not only made that promise to himself, but to Tony as well. 

Gibbs stood up as Tony began to stir, his soft moans quickly transforming into shouts of desperation. 

“Make them stop!” Tony begged. “God, it hurts! Make them stop!”

Gibbs began to smooth back DiNozzo’s sweat-soaked hair. “Todd, I need you to listen to me. I know it hurts, but…”

“You don’t know anything!” Tony screamed. “Make them go away! They’re biting me.”

“What’s biting you?” 

“They’re crawling on me and biting me,” Tony gasped.

Gibbs glanced up at the monitor as Tony’s heart rate began to increase. “What is it, Tony? What do you see?”

“Snakes! God, I hate snakes! Get them off of me! I’m gonna die!”

“No you’re not Todd. You’re not going to die. Now listen to me!” Gibbs demanded. 

“Go to hell!” Tony let out a blood curdling yell as Gibbs held down his shoulders to prevent DiNozzo from inflicting further damage to himself. 

The nurse and the doctor came running in. “What happened?” Dr. Cole wanted to know.

“He’s hallucinating again,” Gibbs explained. “Only this time it’s snakes instead of roaches.”

“Get them off!” Tony cried..

“Just hang tight, Todd and you’ll feel better in a few minutes,” the physician stated with confidence.. 

Gibbs watched as the nurse injected what he assumed to be another sedative into the IV port. Just as Dr. Cole predicted, within a few minutes, Tony had started to settle down and his heart rate was almost normal. 

“How long is this one going to last?” Gibbs asked, bitterness dripping from every word.

“It’s hard to say,” Dr. Cole replied, nonplussed by the team leader’s sarcasm. 

“No matter what you give him, he’s not resting,” Gibbs pointed out. “It’s like he’s fighting the urge to go to sleep and when he does finally go to sleep, he doesn’t stay that way for very long. He’s exhausted. How can he still be fighting the sedatives you’ve given him?”

“I don’t know,” Cole admitted. “Each individual is different in how they react to treatment.”

Gibbs clenched his jaw. “Treatment? You call restraining him to a bed and shooting sedatives in him treatment?”

“We…”

The ringing of the team leader’s cell phone interrupted the doctor’s explanation. He glanced at the caller ID and answered it. “Gibbs.”

“Uh Boss, it’s McGee.”

“I know.”

“Uh yeah, how’s Tony?” the junior agent inquired.

“He’s resting. What do you got, McGee?”

“We’ve got Captain Wells in the interrogation room. Do you want…?”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Gibbs said.

“When will that be?”

“When one of you gets to the hospital and relieves me, McGee.”

Gibbs closed his phone and glared at the doctor. “I want to hear more about this rapid detoxification.”

“I already gave you the information to study and you know my opinion on it.”

“I want a second opinion then.”

“Very well. I can call in another…”

Gibbs shook his head. “I have my own. Expect Dr. Donald Mallard in your office within the hour. When I get back, I want some answers.” He pointed towards DiNozzo, who was mumbling something under his breath. “He’s been through enough and if there’s a way I can take some of his pain away, I want to know what it is. Do we have an understanding, Dr. Cole?”

The physician nodded. “I think you’ve made yourself perfectly clear, Agent Gibbs. Now, I have something to say.”

“What?”

“You can ask any nurse or any other physician in this hospital and they will all tell you the same thing,” Cole began. “They will tell you that my patients are my priority. Todd or Tony, whatever you want to call him is my priority and I’m not sure if it is your grief or guilt talking, but you have to realize that this isn’t about you. This is about Tony and he is my main concern. I want what’s best for him, just like you do, but maybe you should consider the fact that I may be a little more objective than you are at the moment. You’re more than welcome to have this Dr. Mallard come and give his opinion, but I have a feeling that he’ll agree with me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some other patients to check on.”

His gaze followed Dr. Cole as he left the room and then Gibbs turned his focus back to Tony. DiNozzo’s lips were still moving, but his words were random and confused.. 

“Todd? Can you hear me?”

“End…up…gutter,” Tony whispered. “Told you…end up…gutter. Yes sir…yes sir.”

Gibbs brow furrowed as Tony kept repeating the words ‘yes sir.’ It was almost like he was receiving orders from some one. “Todd?” he called out again.

“Didn’t mean…to…yes sir…yes sir…don’t…like…dark…no…drink…stop…yes sir…”

The team leader shook his head. “Todd, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Prove…to…you…”

“Prove what, Todd?” Gibbs pressed.

Tears started streaming from Tony’s cheeks. Gibbs took his calloused thumb and wiped them away. “Todd? What’s wrong?”

“Can’t do this…don’t tell…Boss,” Tony cried. “Don’t tell.”

Gibbs cupped Tony’s face and forced the ailing man to look at him. “Open your eyes Todd and look at me.” If DiNozzo was remembering something, he wanted to know what it was. 

Tony opened his eyes and Gibbs saw the usual fear emitting from them. Maybe Abby was right, maybe DiNozzo wasn’t afraid of him, but was afraid of what was locked in the recesses of his mind. 

“Please…don’t…hurt…me,” Tony rasped.

“I would never hurt you,” Gibbs said. “Do you know who I am?”

“Don’t…hurt…me…tired…”

“No one will hurt you. I promise.”

Tony shook his head and closed his eyes again. “Liar,” he whispered. 

Gibbs felt as if he had been gut shot. In that one word, Tony had managed to sum up what the former Marine was feeling; he was a liar. The team leader had always prided himself in looking out for his own team, but his intentions in keeping them safe had not been enough to keep Tony out of harm’s way and now he was suffering the consequences. He had lied and even though DiNozzo couldn’t remember his own name, he knew enough to know that Gibbs was responsible for his pain.


	11. Bad Moon Rising

As Ziva made her way down the corridor to the Intensive Care Unit, she found herself wondering if volunteering to stay with DiNozzo was a good idea. McGee had told her that Gibbs had wanted one of them to stay with Tony while he interrogated Captain Wells and she had volunteered, much to McGee’s obvious relief. Now, she wasn’t sure that she was ready to see Tony after all, but she knew that she had to face him sometime. 

Ziva would never admit it to either Gibbs or McGee, but she was nervous. The fact that Tony had no memory of her or any of the team concerned her, but what bothered her the most were the scars created by his time on the streets that he would be forced to live with the rest of life. It was hard to accept the fact that if Tony didn’t regain the memories of his past life, then he would be forced to live with the ones that were created during the past year. 

She took a deep breath and lightly rapped on the door frame, quietly announcing her presence. The team leader looked up at her and motioned her to enter. She immediately noticed the fine lines of exhaustion around Gibbs’ eyes indicative of the constant stress that he had subjected his body to the past couple of days. Her attention then turned to Tony. His eyes were closed as if he was asleep, but she could tell that his slumber was restless. DiNozzo was in constant motion, pulling against the restraints that were in place for his safety.

“How is he doing?” she softly inquired.

“He’s restless, but at least he’s quiet,” Gibbs informed her. “You should have been a here about an hour ago; it wasn’t a pretty sight.”

“I can only imagine what he must be going through.” She slowly reached up and brushed a strand of sweat soaked hair from Tony’s forehead. “He must be terrified.”

“Yeah.”

“Has he said anything to indicate that he has remembered something from his past?” 

Gibbs shrugged. “I don’t know. He could be remembering something from his childhood, but his words are slurred and jumbled, so I can’t be sure. I’m hoping that once he’s through the withdrawal, he’ll be a little more coherent.”

“How long will that take?” she asked.

“I’m not sure. Ducky is supposed to consult with Dr. Cole and then hopefully, we’ll have a better idea of what to expect.”

Ziva could sense the hesitancy in Gibbs’ voice. He was evidently keeping something from her, but she decided that she would not push him for the information just yet. “I am prepared to stay with Tony while you go talk with Captain Wells,” she said. 

“Thanks. Just keep him as quiet as you can and see if you can get some water in him when he wakes up,” the ex-Marine instructed. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Take your time. Get some rest; you look like you need it.”

“I’ll get some rest when I know Tony’s doing better,” he stated. “If anything happens, call me.”

“We will be fine,” she assured him.

She took Gibbs’ seat as he stood up and walked towards the door. Ziva saw the team leader glance back over his shoulder at her. “I know you’ll be fine,” he sighed. “Hell, you helped me get my memory back; maybe you can jar DiNozzo’s memory as well.”

“Maybe, but I would not hold my breasts.”

Ziva noticed the smile that crept over the ex-Marine’s face. “Is something wrong?” she wanted to know.

“I think you meant breath,” he explained. “I wouldn’t hold my breath.”

The Mossad officer could feel her cheeks flush. She was grateful that this latest faux pas had happened in front of Gibbs; Tony would not have let her live that one down for a long time. “Of course,” she mumbled. 

“Call me if you need me,” he reminded her once again.

“I will,” Ziva promised. 

She watched Gibbs as he walked out the door and stopped at the nurse’s station. Ziva guessed that he was making sure that the nurses knew where to reach him in case something happened. Once Gibbs was out of sight, she sat back in the chair and studied the man lying before her. She could not believe how much Tony had changed in a year. 

Ziva was astounded how much weight Tony had lost. The gown he was wearing now hung off his frame; his face was pale and gaunt, a testament of how difficult his life had been this past year. There were scars on his arms that told of his daily struggle just to survive, forcing Ziva to consider the horrors that he was forced to face.

Taking a wash cloth, she gently took it over his face in an effort to cool him down. The withdrawal was taking its toll both physically and emotionally on Tony and Ziva was unsure of what to do to help her friend. She felt powerless to stop his pain and that was a feeling that she did not cherish. 

“How are you feeling?” she tenderly inquired.

“Like…crap,” Tony rasped.

“I am sure that you do.”

She hoped that Tony couldn’t sense her nervousness. She had never been anxious around Tony and Ziva knew that although Tony had been missing for a year, she believed that it really shouldn’t make a difference in how comfortable she was around him. After all, she was a Mossad officer trained to deal with unexpected change, but this was her partner, her friend, the man that she trusted with her life. 

“Can I get you anything?” 

Tony glared at her. “A drink.”

“You can have some water.”

“Better than nothing…throats…dry.”

Ziva picked up the glass and placed her hand under his head for support as he sipped the water. “Not too much,” she said. “You do not want to make yourself sick.”

Tony winced as he swallowed and then he shook his head, indicating that he didn’t want anymore. “Hurts…to…swallow.”

“I am sure it does, but you need to try and drink and eat something to keep your strength up.”

“Too tired.”

“I know you are, but you can beat this.”

“Don’t have much worth fighting for,” he whispered. “Just an old box…in an alley.”

“Is that where you live?” she gently pressed.

Tony shrugged. “Sometimes,” he answered. “Sometimes I go to the shelter.” 

“The shelter? Tell me about this shelter. Where is it at?”

She placed a calming hand on his arm as he tried to pull against the restraints again. “It is all right. You are safe.”

“No, I’m not,” he growled. 

“Yes, you are. I want you to listen to me.”

Ziva cupped his face and forced him to look at her. “You are very sick, but you have plenty of people who want to help you get through this. No one or nothing is going to harm you, you have my word.”

“Untie me,” he begged. “Please untie me. I can’t handle…this.”

“You are in restraints to keep you from hurting yourself,” Ziva attempted to explain. “When you are feeling better, the doctor will take them off.”

“I want them off now! Please just for a little…while. I’ll be good,” Tony tried to bargain. “I won’t…do anything.”

“I can not take them off. I wish I could.”

Tears began to stream down Tony’s face. With every tear drop that he shed, she could feel her heart breaking. She had never known Tony to cry; even when he had just cause, he had always managed to hold his emotions in check. Now, the floodgates were open. She could barely understand his pleas through the choked sobs. 

“Please…please…help me,” he cried. 

She cradled his head against her chest as she listened to him cry out in pain and confusion. He had no idea what was happening to him and truthfully, neither did she. “It is all right,” she consoled. “I promise you that everything will be all right.”

“God, it hurts!” he groaned. 

She kissed the top of his head and began running her fingers through his sweat soaked hair. “It is all right,” she repeated over and over. “It is going to be all right.” 

Ziva wiped his tears away as he looked up at her. She could tell that he was searching in his mind for a memory, but was obviously coming up blank. “Do you know who I am?” she asked.

A smile escaped her lips as Tony shook his head in response to her question. Did he really know her name? “What is my name?” she urged, silently hoping to hear him speak her name.

“Kate…you’re Kate.”

Disappointed, she shook her head. “No. No, I am not Kate.”

“She’s my…angel…”

“Your angel? I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“My angel,” he whispered. “My…angel. She helps me…do…right.”

“What do you mean she helps you do right?”

Tony closed his eyes and started drifting back to sleep. Ziva laid his head back down on his pillow and sat back down in her chair. He had called her Kate. That was something that he had never done before, even when she had been new to the team. Was he actually thinking of Kate Todd, his partner of two years or was he talking about someone else entirely? Maybe the next time he came around, she could ask him again who Kate was and maybe he would remember a little bit more of his past. Then maybe, there would be a beginning to the ending of this nightmare.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Leroy Jethro Gibbs entered the interrogation room to find Captain Joseph Wells sitting in the customary chair, appearing to be waiting patiently, but Gibbs could easily sense the man’s uneasiness. The team leader sat down and opened the folder and pulled out pictures of Lt. Matthews and of Tony.

“Do you recognize either of these two men?” Gibbs began.

“No, I don’t,” the Captain replied.

“Maybe you should look at the pictures this time, Captain.”

Matthews glanced down at the pictures and studied them for a few seconds. “He pointed to Tony’s picture. “This guy looks a little familiar. I may have seen him hanging around the ship yard, bumming money from sailors.”

“Really?” Gibbs sat back in his chair. “And what about the other one?”

“I…uh…saw him talking to the bum, it looked like the two of them were arguing.”

“What were they arguing about?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t close enough to hear. Look, I only have three days of leave left and I’d like to spend it with my family. I don’t have time to be questioned about some sailor being shot, so I’d appreciate it if you would speed things along,” the Captain challenged. 

“How did you know Lt. Matthews had been shot?” the team leader wanted to know.

“I…guess….I overhead one of your officers talking about it when they drug me away from my family.”

Gibbs shook his head. “Now, why don’t I believe you?” He produced the evidence bag containing the torn rank insignia. “Recognize this? It belongs to you and it was discovered at the crime scene. Care to explain how it got there?”

“How do you know it’s mine?”

“Your fingerprints are all over it. In fact, I had one of my people check the local dry cleaners and you know what they discovered?” Gibbs didn’t wait for the Captain to answer. “There was a Navy uniform dropped off with a blood stain on it and a missing rank insignia. The owner identified you as the one who brought it in. Now, do you want to rethink your story?”

The Captain sat back and folded his hands in his lap. “I think I want a lawyer.”

“I’m sure you do and I’d be happy to oblige.”

“What’s the catch?”

“No catch.”

“For some reason, I don’t believe you.”

Gibbs picked up Tony’s picture. “Did this man shoot Lt. Matthews?”

“No.”

“Did you shoot Lt. Matthews?”

“I want my lawyer,” Wells demanded. 

Gibbs looked behind him at the mirror and motioned McGee to join him in the interrogation room. In just a few seconds, the door swung open and the junior agent rushed in. 

“Yes, Boss?”

“McGee, Captain Wells needs to make a phone call.”

“Right,” McGee said.

Gibbs watched as McGee escorted the Captain out of the room. Hopefully when Wells returned with his lawyer, then he would be interested in cutting some kind of deal. As long as he could prove Tony innocence, he really didn’t care what happened to Captain Wells. Glancing at the clock on the wall, he was well within Jenny’s time frame and as soon as he finished extracting a confession, he could head back to the hospital and concentrate his attention on helping DiNozzo put his life back together.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Ducky decided to look in on Tony before he went to meet with Dr. Cole. Jethro had insisted that he consult with Dr. Cole regarding the best treatment for the ailing man. He had tried to explain to Gibbs that treating alcoholism was not his area of expertise, but the team leader had been insistent stating that he wanted an opinion that he could trust. 

He introduced himself to the nurses and inquired as to which room Anthony DiNozzo was in. Ducky nodded his thanks and in two strides was standing outside Tony’s room peering in at the thrashing form of the young agent. He softly knocked on the door and then entered the room. His gaze remained fixed on the young agent as he slowly approached Tony’s bed.

The ME nodded towards the Mossad officer. “Hello, my dear. How’s our boy doing?”

“He is having a difficult time,” Ziva quietly replied. “Tony drifts off for a few minutes and then he starts fighting the restraints. Most of the time he mumbles incoherently, but sometimes he will wake up screaming. It is very exhausting to watch him; I can not imagine what it must be like to…” Ziva paused as if trying to organize her thoughts. Ducky waited patiently for her to continue. 

“I heard the nurses talking,” she said. “They are very worried about Tony’s vital signs. They expect me to keep him calm, but when he wakes up, it is like he has forgotten everything from the last time he was awake and he begins to panic.”

“That’s not unexpected. Amnesia can be very tricky; hopefully once the alcohol has been flushed out of his system, he’ll become more coherent.”

“I hope so.”

“Well, if you’ll excuse me, my dear, I have to…”

“He called me Kate,” Ziva blurted out. “I asked him if he knew who I was and he called me Kate.”

“Do you believe that he was talking about Caitlyn Todd?” 

“I do not know, but it certainly was a dreary feeling.”

“Eerie.”

Ducky and Ziva looked down to see Tony open his eyes again. DiNozzo had no idea that he had automatically corrected another one of Ziva’s grammatical mistakes just like he always did. The ME smiled at Tony. “What did you say?”

“Eerie…feeling…not dreary.”

“You’re quite right, my boy. Quite right!” the doctor praised. “It’s good to see you awake.”

“Can’t sleep…skin’s crawling.”

“I can see if the nurses can get you something.”

“No! Only thing I need is out of here!” Tony growled.

“You have to get better before you go,” Ducky tried to rationalize. Unfortunately, Tony was not listening to the voice of reason.

“I can’t do this…again…I can’t stay…here!”

“Why not?”

“Hurt me,” Tony cried. 

“Who’s going to hurt you?”

Tony jerked against the restraints, screaming in agony. “God, please!” the young man begged.

“What’s wrong, Tony?” Ducky pressed.

“Name is Todd…not Tony…I don’t know…Tony. Not exist…not exist…danger…make it stop! I’ll be good…give me a drink…won’t ask…for anything…else. Kate!”

“Where’s Kate, Anthony?” The ME continued to attempt to make sense out of Tony’s sporadic ramblings. He realized that it was a long shot but something in his gut told him had to try. “Anthony, where’s Kate?”

Ducky watched as Tony closed his eyes against the tears that wanted to fall. He put his hand on Tony’s shoulder. “Where’s Kate?”

“She’s dead…She’s dead, but she’s my…angel.”

“How did she die?” Ducky asked, knowing Tony’s answer would hopefully clear up the confusion about which Kate he was referring to. “Can you tell me how she died?”

Tony shook his head. “She’s dead,” he repeated.

“I know that, but how did she die?”

Ducky watched as Tony’s eyes glazed over as if he were struggling to process the ME’s question. Could his memories be trying to resurface? He didn’t want to overwhelm Tony. Considering that that he was still having to withstand the effects of the withdrawal, Ducky wasn’t sure that the young man could handle trying to straighten out the conflicting images in his mind.

“Shot…Kate…was shot…but…I can…hear her…I tried to go…to her…but I can’t,” Tony sobbed.

“That’s because it’s not your time, my boy,” Ducky assured him. “It’s not your time.” 

“That’s what…she…says…”

“Kate was always very smart.”

Ducky saw Tony’s body visibly tense. “You knew Kate?” the agent asked, his voice hoarse from screaming. 

“Yes, I did.”

Tony nodded and closed his eyes again. The ME smiled as he watched Ziva take the wash cloth over DiNozzo’s face and arms. He walked over and patted Ziva on the shoulder. “I’ll be back to check on him before I leave. I have to meet with Dr. Cole right now.”

“We will be here,” Ziva answered. 

“I know and I know that you’re going to take excellent care of him.”

Ducky walked out of the room without a backward glance. He thought that he was prepared to support Dr. Cole’s decision, despite Jethro’s wishes, but now he wasn’t so sure. There was a desperation in DiNozzo’s eyes that he had not seen in a long time and it scared the physician. He knew that he had to do what was best for Tony and that was what he had to base his decision upon. Ducky just prayed that once the decision was made, that Jethro Gibbs would understand.


	12. Bad Moon Rising

Todd wasn’t sure how much more he could take. If he could only have a drink, then everything would be all right. The pain would stop and so would the dreams. He could stay in a drunken stupor and not have to think about the daily torments that faced him in his life. When he was drunk, he didn’t have a care in the world. He didn’t need food, warmth or comfort from anybody, he got everything he needed from a bottle and he didn’t have to face the demons that haunted him. 

He uselessly tugged at the restraints again, knowing that his efforts to escape his bonds would be in vain. How much longer were they going to keep him tied down? Todd couldn’t understand why these people who said that they cared for him would subject him to something that literally terrified him. 

Todd jumped as someone touched his face. He opened his eyes to see the woman with the strange accent taking a damp washcloth over his face. The coolness was refreshing and her touch was gentle, but he had learned that people’s intentions could be deceiving. Although he had to admit that he did like her smile, he would not permit himself to become too complacent. There was an air of mystery about this woman that confused and frightened him. How could he have mistaken her for Kate? Kate never scared him.

“Can I get you anything?” she asked him, her voice having an almost hypnotic affect on him. 

“Stupid…question,” he mumbled.

“Besides a drink,” she added. 

“No.”

“I would be happy to see if you can have some broth. You need to get something on your stomach.” 

“I’m fine,” he slurred. “Just need out of here.”

“As soon as you are better, I am sure that you will be released.”

“Can’t wait that long. I just want to go home.”

He flinched as she brushed his hair out of his face. Todd saw a flicker of sadness spread across her beautiful features. “Too pretty to be sad,” he said.

“I am just worried about you, Ton…I mean Todd.”

“So, you think I’m this Tony, too?”

“Yes.”

Todd moaned as a wave of agony assaulted him. “God!” he cried out. “Make it stop!”

He began to writhe in pain, pleading for someone to take away his torment. “Please, make it stop. Give me something!” he begged.

“I have buzzed the nurse and she is on her way. Just hang up, Todd.”

“On,” he corrected, gritting his teeth against the anguish that was consuming him.

“It’s hang on…Ziva…not hang…up,” he panted. “You…were…getting…better.”

Todd felt her grasp his hand. He tightened his own grip, unaware of how just how hard he was squeezing. He heard her gasp but he was afraid to let go; she was his lifeline in the sea of pain that he was drowning in. 

He heard her say something to the nurse and in just a few minutes, the pain began to subside into a dull ache. Through bleary eyes, he looked at the woman who was still by his side, holding his hand. 

“You’re name…is…Ziva,” he rasped.

“Yes.”

“Not Kate?”

“No. I am not Kate. Kate is dead.”

“I know. I still see…her…sometimes.”

“You’re Ziva,” he repeated.

“Yes. How do you remember my name?” she wanted to know.

“I don’t know.” Todd swallowed hard, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill. “I don’t know how I know your name. You think…I’m Tony. Were you and…Tony…close?”

“Close? I am not sure what you mean,” she quietly answered.

Todd could feel his cheeks flush. “Never mind. Forget I said anything.”

Ziva smiled at him; again he was captivated by her beautiful smile. “We are close,” she replied. “We are very good friends.”

“Oh.”

“Do you remember anything else besides my name?” she pressed.

“Where’s Abby?” He wasn’t sure why he suddenly felt so uncomfortable around Ziva. Was she lying about her relationship with this Tony? He knew that Abby would be honest with him. There was no sense of duplicity in her or Ducky for that matter, but he still preferred the Goth’s company. 

“She is at NCIS processing evidence,” Ziva replied. “You need to get some sleep. She will be here as soon as she can.”

Todd nodded. He didn’t want to sleep, but he didn’t want to stay awake. He wanted to go home, even if that home was just a box or a shelter. What right did these people have in interfering in his life? A myriad of emotions began to wash over him; sadness, confusion, anger and without his bottle of liquor, he had no idea how to handle these feelings.

He closed his eyes and allowed himself to slip into the darkness of slumber. The last thing that he thought of was the fact that even with all these people that were caring for him, in the end it wasn’t going to matter. Todd Gibbs had stopped caring about himself a long time ago.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Ducky listened intently as Dr. Cole described Tony’s condition and what course of treatment that he preferred to pursue. The Scotsman considered the doctor knowledgeable and truly seemed to have Tony’s best interests in mind. He couldn’t blame Jethro for wanting a second opinion, but he knew that the team leader was not going to be pleased that the ME was agreeing with Dr. Cole.

“I know that Agent Gibbs believes that Tony will suffer less if he undergoes rapid detoxification, but given Agent DiNozzo’s condition, I believe that it will create more problems than solutions. Rapid detox is not a cure all, especially for alcoholics. I know that the withdrawal has been painful for Tony, but we are easing the effects with medication. He should be through the worst of the physical withdrawal within the next couple of days and then we can start concentrating on getting him back on his feet,” Dr. Cole explained. 

The ME sighed. “I don’t doubt what you’re saying Dr. Cole, and from what I’ve read about rapid detoxification, I have to agree. I also understand where Jethro is coming from. Tony has been missing for a year and has no memory of who he is. Every day we see signs that Anthony is still with us, but Jethro doesn’t want small victories, he wants to win the war.”

“I’m afraid I’m not following you, Doctor Mallard.”

“Tony is like a son to Jethro and Jethro is the father that Tony never had. There has always been that connection from the first day they met; of course, they would never admit to having those feelings, but it is in their actions. When Tony disappeared, it was like Jethro was losing his family all over again. You see, his first wife and daughter were murdered many years ago and he’s truly never gotten over that and losing Tony only added to his pain.

“When we found young Anthony the other day, a spark returned to Jethro’s eyes that had been missing for quite some time. He doesn’t want to see his son suffer and I’m sure that if you were in his shoes, you would want to put an end to your son’s suffering as quickly as possible. So, instead of fighting so many small battles, the Marine in Jethro concentrates on winning the war.”

Ducky watched as Dr. Cole sat back in his chair, absorbing all of what the ME had shared with him. “I do understand what Agent Gibbs is going through,” he said. 

“You do?” Ducky inquired.

“Yes. My own son was an alcoholic.”

“I see. May ask what happened to your son? Is he still sober?”

Dr. Cole shook his head. “No, he’s dead. He checked into a clinic and tried the rapid detox against my advice. He wouldn’t check in the hospital because he was afraid of tarnishing my name. Michael‘s body couldn’t handle the stress and he went into cardiac arrest. It turns out the clinic was less than reputable and…” 

Ducky found it difficult to swallow past the lump that had formed in his throat. “I am so sorry, Dr. Cole.”

“It happened about three years ago and I guess that I vowed that I wouldn’t lose another person to alcoholism. That’s why I have devoted my time to research and I know what works. I hope that Agent Gibbs can trust my judgment.”

He smiled at Dr. Cole. “By the time I get through with him, he will. I can promise you that.”

“Thank you, Dr. Mallard.”

“My pleasure Dr. Cole,” he assured the other man. “My pleasure. Now, I’m going to check on Anthony one more time before I leave and find Jethro.”

“Good luck, Doctor.”

“Thank you.”

The two men shook hands and Ducky left the office, satisfied that Tony was in good hands. His heart went out to Dr. Cole, knowing that this case was reopening old wounds for the man. Hopefully helping Tony would enable the doctor to put some of his ghosts to rest; the burden of a child’s death was not an easy thing to live with. 

He peeked in Tony’s room to discover that the young man was still asleep and Ziva was still by his side. The Mossad officer looked up and Ducky quietly acknowledged her by tipping his hat. The ME smiled and turned to leave. He reached in his pocket for his cell phone and called Gibbs. 

“Gibbs,” the team leader tersely answered.

“Jethro, I’ve talked with Dr. Cole,” he informed the ex-Marine.

“And?”

“And I think we need to talk…”

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

He watched and listened as Captain Wells and his attorney talked with Gibbs. Knowing that his Boss would settle for nothing less than a full confession in order to clear Tony’s name, McGee realized that it could be a very long night. Maybe he should have volunteered to go the hospital, but the junior agent had been glad that Ziva had volunteered to go to the hospital and stay with Tony. 

McGee wasn’t sure that he was ready to see his friend in such a dismal condition. It was still hard for him to believe that the man that they had discovered on the streets was actually Tony. Much to the displeasure of his colleagues, he had almost come to accept the fact that DiNozzo was gone. Abby had been mad at him for days for even hinting that Tony could be dead. Gibbs had clenched his jaw and glared at him, not speaking to him unless it was absolutely necessary and Ziva had simply shrugged and said for him not to give up hope. 

But how he was he supposed to maintain a modicum of hope when the agent had been missing for a year? Tony had proved time and time again to be one of the most resourceful men that he had known, but even the most capable man had his faults and DiNozzo had many. He was arrogant, brash, annoying, sometime childish and goofy, but somehow his good qualities outweighed his bad. 

Tony was someone who he could count on to always watch his six whether in the field or in the office. How many times did he owe Tony for deflecting Gibbs’ wrath and taking it upon himself? How many times did he owe Tony his life? It had taken him a while to discover that there were many layers to Anthony DiNozzo and with every layer that was revealed, a new aspect of Tony’s true character came shining through.

Now, Tony was alive and in the hospital going through withdrawal with no memory of his past. McGee knew that if Tony truly remembered his former life that he wouldn’t have turned to alcohol to help cope with his situation. McGee recalled a conversation they had during a stake out a few months before Tony went undercover.

 

***flashback***

“How much longer before Gibbs and Ziva relieve us?” Tony asked.

McGee glanced at his watch. “Three.”

“Three hours? Oh, man. It feels like we’ve been here for three days,” the senior agent complained.

“Time will go a lot faster if you stop whining,” Tim replied. 

“I’m not whining. I was merely stating a fact, Probie.”

“You were whining.”

“Nope. DiNozzo’s don’t whine. It was never allowed.”

McGee took a sip of coffee. “What do you mean?”

“Whining was not allowed in the DiNozzo household.”

“Really? Why not?”

McGee wasn’t sure if Tony heard him. DiNozzo had become quiet, almost immediately withdrawing from the conversation. “Tony? Did you hear me?” he asked.

“Yeah, McGoo, I heard you.”

“So, why wasn’t whining allowed?” Tim asked again.

“My father felt that whining was a sign of ungratefulness.”

“I don’t understand why your father would think that.”

“You don’t know my father, McGee. In his eyes, the fact that I was breathing was a sign of weakness.”

“Come on, Tony. You talk like your dad didn’t want you.” 

Tony laid his head against the head rest of the car. “Well McBeaver, not everyone had parents like June and Ward Cleaver,” DiNozzo retorted. 

McGee rolled his eyes at the barb. “My family wasn’t perfect either, Tony.”

“Never said they were, McGee.”

“Yes, you did. You just said…”

“Forget it,” Tony snapped.

The two men sat in silence for a few minutes until McGee summoned the courage to shatter the stillness. “I’m sorry, Tony. I shouldn’t have…”

“Don’t worry about it, McGee. The past is the past and you can’t change it. You have to accept it and move on.”

“If you could change the past, what would you change?”

He could sense that Tony was sincerely considering his question. After a few seconds, DiNozzo answered, “I don’t know. I don’t guess I’ve really ever thought about it until now.”

“There must be something that you would do different,” McGee pressed.

“I guess so. If I had it to do all over again, I would have taken every bottle of liquor in the house and poured it out.”

McGee stared at Tony in amazement. That was not the answer that he was expecting. “What do you mean?”

“Just what I said.”

“I take it your dad drank a lot,” Tim deduced.

“Guess you could say that. It turned him into a monster and every day I would stand there in his study and watch it happen before my eyes. One day, I grabbed the bottle from his desk and threw it on the floor.”

“What happened?”

DiNozzo sighed. “Don’t remember much after that. I was unconscious for a few days and then after I woke up, I was disinherited and on my way to a boarding school.”

“You were in a coma?” Tim asked, not bothering to hide the disbelief that he was feeling. 

“Yeah. Anyway, I told myself that I would never become like my father.”

“But I’ve seen you hung over. Are you sure that your not…” Tony’s icy glare prohibited McGee from finishing his question.

“No, McGee, I’m not an alcoholic. Yeah, I’ve been hung over a few times in my life, but unlike my father, I know when to stop.”

Tony grabbed the binoculars from McGee and stared out the window at the house they were watching. “Now, stay focused on the case, Probie.”

“Tony?”

“What?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, McGee. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I know, but…”

“McGee, don’t make me head slap you,” DiNozzo warned.

Tim grinned at the senior agent. “Got it.”

***end flashback***

 

“McGee!” 

The young man startled at the sound of Gibbs’ voice. He cut on the microphone and answered, “Yes, Boss?”

“Get in here!” the team leader ordered.

He quickly left the observation room and entered the interrogation room. “Yes, Boss?”

“We have a confession. I need you to review the statement and be sure that everything is in order with the autopsy and the evidence. I don’t want this coming back and biting us in the ass.”

“Understood.”

“I’ll be back in a little while, I…” the team leader was interrupted by his ringing phone.

McGee followed him outside into the corridor and waited patiently as Gibbs answered his cell. 

“Gibbs,” the ex-Marine barked.

He watched Gibbs listen for a second before replying, “And?” Another brief pause. “I’ll be waiting on you, Duck.”

McGee waited until Gibbs had put his phone in his pocket. “Anything wrong, Boss? Was that about Tony?”

“Finish up here and then go home and get some rest,” Gibbs instructed. “I expect you at the hospital tomorrow morning.”

“The…uh…hospital?” Tim stammered.

“Yeah. You’re the only one that hasn’t seen Tony yet,” the older agent pointed out. “If DiNozzo’s going to pull through this, he’s going to need all our support.”

“But I…uh…”

He swallowed nervously as Gibbs stared at him. “Is there a problem?”

“He doesn’t remember me, Boss.”

“He doesn’t remember me either, but that still doesn’t stop me from wanting to help him.”

“It’s not that. It’s just that…”

“What McGee?”

Taking a deep breath, the young man exhaled in an effort to organize his thoughts. “I’m just having a hard time accepting that it’s really Tony.”

“He’s having a hard time too, McGee.”

“I know. I guess I’m just nervous.”

“Nervous or scared?” Gibbs challenged. 

“I don’t know.”

McGee forced himself to stand still as Gibbs stood just a few centimeters from his face. He would never forget the ex-sniper’s cool tone nor his words as Gibbs forced him to acknowledge his own weaknesses.

“Tony has been through hell this last year and it doesn’t matter what he’s become, deep down he is still Anthony DiNozzo. Your image of him may have been tarnished, but he is still the same man. If you’re choosing to give up on him, then you can find yourself another team. You and I both know that if this had happened to you or me or to Ziva, Tony would be right there for us, trying to help us. We owe him that and so much more. Have I made myself clear, Agent McGee?” Gibbs challenged.

“Yes sir,” McGee said. 

“Good. Now, I expect you at the hospital first thing in the morning and don’t forget the coffee!”

As Gibbs stormed off, presumably heading towards autopsy, McGee leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. Was Gibbs right? Was he unintentionally punishing Tony for something that he had no control over? Why was he scared to face Tony? Was it own shortcomings that he was afraid to face? At the moment, he wasn’t sure that it truly mattered; the only thing that mattered right now was pushing his own fears aside and helping his friend.


	13. Bad Moon Rising

Gibbs had just finished debriefing Jenny, taking great pleasure in informing her that his team had managed to clear Tony’s name and catch the real murderer. He wasn’t in the mood to stay and hear her platitudes of reassurances of how she always had the utmost faith in him and his team and how she was glad that he could now focus on helping Tony. The team leader simply acknowledged her with a curt nod and turned to leave.

“In a hurry, Agent Gibbs?” she inquired.

“As a matter of fact, I am.”

“Are you headed back to the hospital?” Jenny wanted to know.

“In a few minutes. I have a couple other things I need to do.”

“Maybe I could ride with you. I haven’t had a chance to stop by and see Tony.”

“It’s probably not a good idea, Jen,” Gibbs said.

He could see her visibly bristle at his response. Gibbs knew that she hadn’t expected him to say no, but he had taught her long ago that she should expect the unexpected; evidently that lesson must have slipped her mind.

“Why not?” the director asked. “Everyone else has seen him.”

“Just the team.”

“I’m part of that team.”

A small grin danced on his lips as he opened the door of her office. “You just keep believing that, Jen.” 

He walked into the reception area, past Cynthia, and headed towards the stairs that would take him to the bullpen. The team leader knew that Jenny would be right behind him, demanding an explanation, and of course, he was right. He knew her well. 

The ex-Marine sat down at his desk and picked up the phone to see if Ducky had returned yet. Gibbs didn’t look up as she stood over him, hands on her hips, defiance in her eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean, Agent Gibbs?” she tersely demanded.

“You’re an intelligent woman, you figure it out,” he replied. 

“I am part of every team here including yours, Agent Gibbs; that’s one of the benefits of being the Director.”

“I’m sure it is. I guess another benefit is being able to use your position of power to settle your own personal vendettas, isn’t it?”

“Is that what you think I’ve done?”

He slammed down the receiver and stood up. “No! It’s what I know you’ve done!”

There was so much that he wanted to say to her, but in the bullpen, in front of her subordinates, was not the time or place. The events of the past few days were beginning to take a toll on him and his temper was closer to the surface than usual. Concern over Tony had consumed him and until DiNozzo was back sitting at his desk annoying McGee and Ziva, his control would be tenuous at best. 

“I’ll be in autopsy,” he grunted. 

He headed towards the elevator, leaving an outraged Jenny Shepherd staring after him. As he turned the corner, he met McGee who was escorting a woman and a child sporting visitor badges. His eyes met those of the younger agent, silently waiting for an explanation as to why he was still here and why these visitors were here this late at night. 

McGee cleared his throat. “Uh, Boss. This is Ms. Olivia Carter and her daughter Megan; I met them on my way out. They were looking for information on Todd Gibbs,” he quickly added.

Gibbs studied the woman and child for a few seconds before dismissing McGee with a nod. “I’ll take it from here McGee. Go on home and get some rest.”

“Right, Boss.”

“I’ll see you in the morning at the hospital.”

“I’ll be there,” the younger man promised.

The team leader extended his hand to the woman, whose appearance led him to believe that she had led a difficult life. The fine lines of exhaustion around Ms. Carter’s face were familiar to him; Tony had the same lines of fatigue, especially around his eyes. Her clothes were clean, but faded and bore several patches indicating that she had been forced to repair the holes several times. Her daughter did not appear to be as world weary as her mother, but given time, she would bear the marks of someone older than their actual years.

“I’m Special Agent Jethro Gibbs,” he introduced. 

“Gibbs,” Olivia repeated. “Are you related to Todd?”

“Uh…no, not really,” the ex-Marine answered. “So, how do you know Todd?”

“We know him from the shelter,” she replied, her cheeks flushing slightly with embarrassment.

“The shelter?”

“The Angels of Mercy Shelter. He comes there a couple times a week for a hot meal,” Olivia explained. “Sometimes he’ll stay over night, but usually it’s so crowded that he just eats and leaves; he doesn’t like staying in one place for too long.”

“How long has he been coming to this shelter?”

“Almost a year.”

“I see.” 

Gibbs knew that he had the opportunity to discover some of what had happened to Tony during the year that he had been missing, but now he wasn’t so sure that he wanted to know. Whatever had happened to DiNozzo during that time had obviously turned the young man’s world upside down. “Let’s go somewhere where we can have some privacy,” he suggested. 

“All right. But first can you tell me if Todd is okay? Will we be able to see him?”

“He’s at the hospital right now.”

“Is he sick again?” the young girl shyly asked. 

The team leader knelt down so that he was eye level with Megan. “What do you mean?”

“Todd is sick a lot, especially when he drinks.”

“Megan!” Olivia chastised. 

“It’s all right,” Gibbs assured her. “I know.” 

Reaching out with his hand, he tucked a stray piece of hair behind the girl’s ear. “Yeah, he’s pretty sick, but he’s going to get better.”

“That’s good. Todd’s a lot of fun to be around when he’s not sick.”

“Yeah.”

Standing up he gently took Olivia by the elbow and escorted her and Megan to one of the conference rooms. “Make yourselves comfortable,” he insisted. “Can I get you something to eat or drink?”

“I’d like some hot chocolate,” Megan said, with an enthusiasm that reminded him of Kelly.

“I think we can manage that,” Gibbs said with a smile. “Anything for you, Ms. Carter?”

“Some coffee would be nice,” she softly replied.

The team leader nodded. He picked up the phone and dialed Abby’s number in the lab. “Abs, I have a favor.” Gibbs placed the order and asked her to join him in the conference room. Abby was the one person that Tony seemed to trust implicitly; she should hear what Olivia and her daughter had to say.

Hanging up the phone, he smiled at the woman and the girl. “It shouldn’t take too long.”

“We don’t want to be any trouble.”

“Believe me, you aren’t.” Gibbs sat down across from them, momentarily debating whether he should reveal the truth to them. Trusting his gut, he blew out a pent up breath and began; after all, they had come to NCIS, looking for their friend. 

“The man you know as Todd Gibbs is actually Anthony DiNozzo. He’s my senior field agent and he was sent undercover about a year ago and he simply vanished. We found him again a couple of days ago at the scene of a murder and discovered that he has no memory of his former life.”

“That’s horrible,” Olivia exclaimed. 

“Yeah, it is. We don’t know anything about what happened during this past year other than he’s been living on the streets and is an alcoholic. Right now, he’s in no shape to tell us much of anything.”

“I don’t know how much help we can be, but we’ll certainly try. Todd, I mean Tony, would always seek us out at the shelter to make sure we were all right. For some reason, he thought that he needed to watch out for us.”

“You must be very special to him.”

“He’s a good man to have on your side.”

Gibbs nodded in agreement. “Yes, he is.”

“What do you want to know, Agent Gibbs?”

The team leader wasn’t sure how to answer her. He wanted to know everything that she could tell him, but yet, he was afraid to find out the truth. What had happened to Tony to make him forget who he was? Was there something that happened to DiNozzo that was so agonizingly painful that he had to resort to his undercover identity to help him cope? There were so many questions that needed to be answered and those answers could very well lie with this mother and her little girl.

“Why don’t you start with the first time you saw Tony…”

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

The broken man cried out as he felt someone grab his arm. He knew what was coming and he didn’t think that he had the strength to endure the agony that was about to be inflicted on him once again. How long had he been here? Wasn’t someone looking for him? Surely someone was missing him by now.

“Please…don’t,” he whimpered.

“Don’t what?” a deep voice resonated in his head.

“No more…no more.”

A rough calloused hand stroked his head and he jerked away. “Leave…me…alone.”

He gasped as his head was pulled back until he was staring at the hidden face of one of his captors. “I’ve got something here that will help you feel better,” he snarled.

“Don’t want…it!”

“Yes, you do. You know you do.”

“No…can’t want it.”

“Tell me your name,” the dark figure demanded.

“Told you…my name,” the wounded man gasped. 

“I don’t believe you.”

“Todd…Gibbs…my name is…Todd…Gibbs.”

“That’s not the right answer, my friend.”

Todd screamed when he felt the needle plunge in his arm. The familiar feeling of dread came over him as he curled up on his side, sobbing as the images of his darkest dreams began to assault him. The cries of the dead mixed with the demons of his mind forced him into the pits of despair that he could not begin to describe. 

He winced when he felt a boot make contact with his back. “You stubborn bastard,” the man seethed. “I’m going to break you and you’ll tell me what I want to know.”

Todd ignored the threats of his tormentor. “Go…to…hell,” he spat.

“You first.”

“Already there,” Todd rasped. 

“Get used to it.”

Todd closed his eyes as he watched his fears become reality in his mind. He felt as if his skin was on fire and he tried to roll from side to side, attempting to extinguish the flames. The younger man couldn’t hear the conversation between his captors as his pain filled screams grew with intensity. He didn’t realize that he was about to be set free, all that he could think about was the burning sensation that was consuming him from the inside out. When Todd finally succumbed to the darkness, he had no idea that when he woke up the next time, he would no longer be held captive by people, he would be held captive by his mind.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Ziva was abruptly awakened by a blood curdling scream. She bolted upright in her chair to discover Tony thrashing about on the bed, begging someone to help him. Standing over him, she cupped his face and called out to him. “Todd! Wake up!” 

Tony began to struggle even more. “Burning…I’m…on…fire...help me!”

The Mossad officer was used to seeing pain and suffering, but this was different. This was her partner and her friend and she could not block Tony’s agonizing cries out of her mind. She shuddered to think how disappointed her father would be to discover that she was allowing herself to be controlled by her emotions. 

Ziva grabbed a washcloth and wrung it out in some cool water and began sponging Tony’s face and arms. “Just relax, this should help.”

“God, it hurts!” he moaned.

“I know, Todd. I know,” she whispered. 

“Make…it…stop…just…kill…me.”

Ziva shook her head. “That is not the answer. Believe it or not, you are almost through the worst of it.”

She began to hum as she continued to sponge off his sweat soaked body. “You are doing fine,” she softly muttered. “Just relax.”

“I can’t.”

“Please Todd, just try.”

“Don’t want…to sleep. Scared.”

Being afraid was not something that Tony easily admitted. “It is all right to be scared, Todd.”

“No, it’s not. Not according to…”

Ziva stopped her ministrations and studied the ailing man. “According to who, Todd?”

Her heart almost stopped when he looked at her, his normally vibrant eyes hidden by confusion and pain. Was he remembering something? 

“Todd? Who told you that it was not acceptable to be afraid?” she asked again.

He closed his eyes as a single tear escaped down his cheek. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled over and over. “I’m sorry. I messed up.”

“Todd? Answer me,” she demanded, her tone gentle but firm.

DiNozzo turned his face away from her. She had to lean over him to hear his answer. Once again, Ziva received a surprise when Tony whispered the one name that she would have never expected. 

“Gibbs…”


	14. Bad Moon Rising

“Why don’t you start with the first time you saw Tony?” the team leader suggested.

Gibbs had finally prepared himself to hear what Tony’s life had been like this past year and Olivia and Megan Carter were going to provide those details. He just hoped that what he discovered could help DiNozzo regain his memory and his life.

Before Olivia could begin, his cell phone rang. “Gibbs,” he impatiently answered. 

“Jethro,” Ducky greeted. “Where are you? I wanted to talk to you about Anthony.”

“I’m in the conference room,” he replied. “Abby’s on her way up here. Why don’t you join us? You probably need to hear this.”

“Hear what?” the ME inquired.

Ignoring the ME’s question, Gibbs said, “See you in a minute, Duck.”

Gibbs shut his phone and slipped it back in his pocket; turning his attention back to the mother. “Do you mind waiting a couple of minutes? I’ve asked a couple of friends to join us.”

“Of course,” Olivia agreed.

He nodded his thanks to the woman, noticing out of the corner of his eye that Olivia’s daughter, Megan, was staring at him. Gibbs smiled at the young girl. “Something wrong, sweetheart?”

Megan sat up in her chair, placing her hands in her lap. “You really shouldn’t hang up on people,” she stated. “It’s very rude.”

The former Marine was speechless as he tried to remember the last time that he had been reprimanded by a child. This girl had a spirit that had yet to be tainted by living on the streets. “Well, uh yeah, I guess it is,” he finally managed to reply.

“Megan!” Olivia admonished. “I’m sorry Agent Gibbs; she has a tendency to be rather blunt at times.”

“It’s quite all right,” he assured the mother. “I like a girl who speaks her mind.”

“You should also try saying hello,” Megan whispered. 

Gibbs winked at the girl, her persistence reminding him so much of Kelly. “I’ll try and remember that.”

“Do or do not, there is no try.”

“What?”

“That’s from ‘Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back’,” Megan explained. “Yoda says it to Luke.”

“She loves movies,” Olivia added. “Before we lost our home, she used to have quite a collection.”

His heart went out to the mother and daughter; he could see why Tony was drawn to them. They were people who having lost everything, still managed to care about the well being of others. “Do you mind me asking what happened? How did you lose your home?”

“It’s a rather long story, but the short version is that…”

“My dad ran off with another woman after draining us dry,” Megan blurted out.

Gibbs saw Olivia’s cheeks flush with embarrassment. “Megan also has a way of getting right to the point in a conversation,” she said.

“I told you I like a girl with spunk,” Gibbs reminded her. “I am sorry, though. You’re husband is a fool.”

“Todd, I mean Tony, said the same thing, although I think that he used some slightly more colorful words.”

Megan eagerly agreed. “Yeah, he called him a pompous son of a….”

“Megan Renee Carter! Do I need to take you to the restroom and wash your mouth out with soap again?”

The team leader grinned. “You better listen to your mom,” he warned. “She used all three names.”

“I know,” Megan muttered, rolling her eyes simultaneously.

The door opened and Ducky and Abby entered the room. The Goth was carrying a tray of drinks with a bag setting on top. She handed a coffee to Gibbs and then picked up another cup.

“Did someone here order hot chocolate?” she asked.

“I did!” the young girl excitedly proclaimed. 

Gibbs took the other coffee and gave it to Olivia as he introduced Abby and Ducky to their guests. “This is Olivia Carter and her daughter Megan. They came here looking for Todd Gibbs, but I’ve explained to them who Todd really is. They’re going to try and fill us in on some of DiNozzo’s life this past year.” He turned to the mother and daughter. “Olivia and Megan, this is Abby Scuito and Dr. Donald Mallard; they’re some of Tony’s friends as well.”

The small group quickly exchanged pleasantries waited for Ducky and Abby to sit down at the table. “Mrs. Carter, you can begin when you’re ready,” Gibbs urged. 

“Well, the first time I saw Tony was in the alley out behind the shelter. He was huddled in a corner, sitting in his own filth and vomit. The clothes he had on were torn and dirty and he didn’t have any shoes. I tried to approach him, but anytime I got near him, he would start cursing and fighting.. I remember thinking that he looked so scared.

“I started leaving him a plate of food and a cup of coffee where he could get it, but he wouldn’t touch it. He kept mumbling something about his name being Todd Gibbs and that he had never heard of NCIS. Tony stayed in that alley for about two days before he finally passed out.”

“Then what happened?” Gibbs wanted to know.

“I got several men from the shelter and they carried him inside. He woke up as soon as we laid him on the cot. He started fighting them and they finally just left him alone. I tried to tell him who I was, but I’m not sure he could even understand what I was saying.” 

Gibbs swallowed hard. He couldn’t start having second thoughts now; the team leader had to know what happened. How else could he help Tony?

“Are you all right, Agent Gibbs?” Olivia asked, concern evident in her weary features. 

“Yeah. Please continue,” he insisted. 

“Tony stayed in the corner of the room talking to himself, always watching his surroundings. I’m not sure what or whom he was looking for, but he always had this cautious air about him as if he were guarding something precious. He was very sick, I could see needle tracks on his arms, but I’m not sure if he was shooting up or…”

“Tony would never shoot up!” Abby declared. 

The team leader placed a calming hand on Abby’s shoulder. “Abby, let her finish.”

“Gibbs, you know that Tony would never do drugs,” she argued.

“Not intentionally, Abs. Let Olivia finish.”

Abby nodded and sat back in her chair and listened. Gibbs knew that he should have expected the outburst; Abby would defend Tony with her dying breath. “Go on, Ms. Carter.”

“He finally passed out again, but this time he slept for three days. The first two days, he tossed and turned and would scream out in the night. I guess he was dreaming,” Olivia surmised. “The third day, he just slept. One of the doctors from the free clinic came by and looked him over. He found some bruises and burns on his body as well as the needle marks on his arms.”

Gibbs clenched his jaw. Someone had tortured Tony, that much was for certain, but the ex-Marine had yet to figure out why.

“Did the doctor say anything about a head injury?” Ducky asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t think so,” Olivia replied. 

“Did he do a tox screen to see what kind of drugs was in Tony’s system?”

“I don’t know. Probably not. Some of these doctors at the free clinic, let’s just say, they aren’t there because they want to be.”

“What was the doctor’s name and what clinic was he from?” Gibbs knew that he would need the name for future reference.

“Dr. Philip Samuels and he works out of the Harbor Missionary Free Clinic.”

The team leader jotted the name down on his notepad and then nodded for Olivia to continue.

“When Tony woke up, he was still very confused but he wasn’t trying to fight us. He ate some soup, cleaned up, and put some fresh clothes on. He could barely stand, but he was determined to leave. He kept saying that he didn’t want them to find him.”

“Them?” Gibbs wondered who Tony would be referring to; was he talking about the ones who tortured him? 

“Again, I don’t know. We didn’t see him for about week after that. Then he came in one day for something to eat and ended up staying for a few hours.”

“How was he?” 

“He looked tired. He sat and down and ate with us and he thanked me for taking care of him,” she recalled. “I told him that he needed to rest, but he didn’t want to stay. He was still afraid of something, but he never would say what had him so terrified. It was almost a month before he would even stay the night and that only happened when he had been drinking too much.”

“Do you have any idea when he started drinking?” Gibbs pressed.

“I really don’t know,” she admitted. “I just know that his drinking became worse as time went on. There were a couple of times when he passed out, I wasn’t sure that he was ever going to wake up again.”

Knowing Tony’s penchant for talking about his past whenever he drank, prompted Gibbs to ask, “Did he say ever say anything that you found odd?”

“Yes. He kept saying that he didn’t mean to tell. Whenever I questioned him, he would become very guarded and defensive, and angry. Very angry.”

“He told me that some bad men were after him,” Megan chimed in. 

“He did?” Gibbs questioned. 

Megan nodded. “He told me that the bad men had hurt him and he didn’t know why. He was scared of them. Todd, I mean Tony, didn’t like to talk about it. He’d get this strange look in his eyes like he was seeing something, and then he’d just go off somewhere by himself. Sometimes he’d just start crying.”

Gibbs realized that he was only being provided a glimpse of the hell that Tony went through, but he had learned enough to know that something terrible had happened to his senior agent and whatever it was, had forced Tony to hide behind the false persona that he had created for this undercover case. 

“Is there anything else that you think we should know?” team leader asked.

“He was afraid of cops,” Megan said. “He told me one night when we were playing checkers. I had asked him if he had told the police about the bad men that were after him and he got really quiet and just said that he couldn’t.”

The ex-Marine glanced over at Ducky and Abby. Another piece of the puzzle seemed to be falling into place. “He saw something he shouldn’t have,” he deduced.

“A plausible theory, Jethro,” Ducky conceded. “A difficult one to prove, especially since Anthony has no memory of what happened to him.”

“There has to be a way,” Gibbs muttered to himself.

“And we’ll find it,” the ME stated with confidence. 

Gibbs stood up and motioned for Ducky to follow him. “Abby, make sure that Olivia and Megan are treated well,” he instructed. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

The two men stepped outside the conference room. “Well, the information that Ms. Carter and her daughter provided was quite illuminating,” the older man said.

“Yes it was. But, we still have a lot of questions that need answers, Duck.”

“And we shall find them, but first we have to help Anthony get through the next couple of days.”

Gibbs nodded. “I know. I take it you talked to his doctor,” the team leader assumed. 

“I did and I have to say that I feel very confident that Dr. Cole has Tony’s best interests in mind. He knows what he’s talking about and I agree that we should not subject Tony to rapid detox. Dr. Cole has a great deal of experience in this area, both professionally and personally.”

He stared at his the ME. “Dr. Cole is an alcoholic?”

“No, but his son was.”

“Was?”

“He died as a result of complications from the rapid detoxification process and…”

Gibbs held his hand up, interrupting the doctor in mid-sentence. “You don’t have to say anymore. Tony’s been through enough and I won’t fight you on this. I just want what’s best for him. I want him to get better and I want him back on my team. I want to see him at his desk, shooting spit wads at Ziva or super gluing McGee’s fingers to his keyboard. I just want him to…”  
The team leader paused, taking a few seconds to compose himself. “I trust your judgment, Duck.”

“I’ll call Dr. Cole and talk to him and you need to go home and rest.”

“I will in a little bit. I’m going to swing by the hospital and check on Ziva and Tony before I head home.”

“Just don’t stay too long,” Ducky cautioned.

“I won’t,” he promised. “Hey Duck, do me a favor?”

“Of course, Jethro.”

“Check out this doctor that treated DiNozzo and this clinic.”

“I intend to do so first thing in the morning.”

The former Marine grinned. “Thanks.”

“Any time.”

He watched the Scotsman make his way down the corridor. Sometimes Gibbs wondered what he had done to deserve such loyalty from his team. After Shannon and Kelly died, he assumed that he had lost his chance of having a family, especially after three failed marriages, but since then, his team had become his family. Gibbs would do anything to protect his family and especially his son. 

“Don’t worry, Tony,” he whispered. “Everything’s going to be all right. I swear it.”

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Todd opened his eyes and blinked several times in an effort to bring the room into focus. He ached all over and he couldn’t remember why. His gaze came to rest on the dark haired woman dozing in the chair beside him. Ziva. Ziva was her name; at least that’s what she told him. 

He licked his parched lips in an effort to moisten them, but it didn’t seem to help any. Todd was thirsty, but he couldn’t seem to form the words to ask for something. A moan escaped his lips as he attempted to sit up. “Damn,” he gasped.

“Do you need something?” 

“Should have known,” he panted, absently struggling against his restraints.

“What?” Ziva asked.

“That you wouldn’t…be asleep.”

“You snore,” she deadpanned.

“At least I…don’t sound…like…a drunken sailor with…emphysema,” he retorted, unable to disguise the fatigue in his voice.

His eyes met hers, an image of two people making love flashed through his mind. There was no doubt that the woman was Ziva, but who was the man? It couldn’t be him, could it? What would someone as beautiful as Ziva be doing with someone like him? He was a drunk; his home was a cardboard box and he ate his meals at a homeless shelter. 

He didn’t flinch when she reached out to him and called his name. “Todd?”

“Are we…are we…um…you know, um…”

“What?” Ziva pressed.

“Are we together?”

Ziva smiled and shook her head. “No, we’re not. Why do you ask?”

“Must be…a dream.”

“No, you weren’t dreaming. I think you are remembering,” Ziva reasoned.

“What do you mean?”

Despite his pain and discomfort, he could sense Ziva’s reluctance to answer his question. What if they had been lovers and it ended badly? Maybe she was trying to spare his feelings because he was sick. “Ziva?” he whispered. “What was…I remembering?”

She took his hand. “We were working undercover as married assassins. We didn’t know who was watching us and so we had to act married. You told me that I snored like a drunken sailor with emphysema.”

He stared at her, searching her eyes for a hint of deceit. Todd always knew when people were lying to him, but Ziva was difficult for him to read. He believed that she was telling him the truth, but his confusion only grew as did his doubts.

“Todd? Are you all right?” she gently inquired.

“No,” he whispered. “I’m not.”

“You can talk to me,” Ziva reminded him.

He swallowed hard, hoping that he wouldn’t be sick to his stomach again. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Gibbs wasn’t lying, was he? My name isn’t Todd, is it?”

Ziva shook her head. “No, it’s not.”

Closing his eyes again, he studied the images playing in his mind. He shuddered as his memories started to become jumbled once again, which didn’t help his throbbing head. Squeezing Ziva’s hand, he opened his eyes and met her gaze. “You can call me Tony.”


	15. 15

Gibbs entered the conference room to find Abby and Megan coloring as Olivia looked on, smiling proudly as she watched the Goth and the little girl work together on what obviously was a special project. The former Marine found himself wondering how long it had been since Olivia or Megan had a reason to smile. As the sound of the young girl’s laughter echoed throughout the room, he silently vowed that he would help the mother and child get back on their feet. They truly deserved a chance at a new life; no child should have to grow up in a shelter.

“Agent Gibbs!” Megan excitedly called out to him. “We’re making a card for Tony! I’m drawing a rainbow and Abby’s drawing the sun, but it kind of looks like a skull.”

“I’m sure he’ll love it,” he assured her.

“I hope so. We’ve worked really hard on it.”

Kneeling down beside the young girl, he reached up and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “I can tell. You and Abby have done a great job.”

He placed a kiss on top of Megan’s head and stood up. “I’m going to arrange a place for you and Megan to stay,” the team leader announced.

“That isn’t necessary, Agent Gibbs,” Olivia protested. ‘You don’t owe us anything.”

“Yes, I do. You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know.”

“Agent Gibbs, I…”

“It’s best not to argue with him,” Abby informed the mother. “He doesn’t handle it too well.”

Grinning, the ex-Marine replied. “She has a point.”

“All right,” Olivia finally agreed. “But just for the night.”

“We’ll see about that.”

“Thank you, Agent Gibbs.”

“It’s my pleasure.”

Gibbs turned to leave to make the necessary arrangements when Abby jumped up out her chair and blocked his path. “Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs!” she cried out. “I have an idea.”

“What is it, Abs?”

“Olivia and Megan can stay with me.”

“Are you sure?”

Abby nodded eagerly. “Of course. It’ll be fun and maybe I can learn something else that can help us figure out what happened to Tony.”

Gibbs pulled the Goth into a hug. “Thanks, Abs,” he whispered in her ear.

“We’re going to get him back, Gibbs,” Abby vowed. “You’ve got to believe that.”

“I hope so, Abby. I hope so.”

Placing a kiss on Abby’s cheek, he left her to attend to Olivia and Megan. The mother and daughter were in good hands; he could rest a bit easier knowing that they were taken care of. Not that he was going to rest anytime soon. Not until Tony was better.

Gibbs got in his car and headed towards the hospital. He had intended on letting Ziva stay the night, but he was now considering sending her home. He had searched a year for DiNozzo, for his son, and now that he had found Tony, it still seemed surreal. The team leader was constantly struggling with the fear that he would wake up and discover that everything had been a dream.

He had failed Tony once and he would be damned if he would fail him again. DiNozzo had always had trust issues and it had taken a long time before Tony had let his guard down around the ex-Marine. Gibbs wondered how long it would take to regain the trust that had been destroyed by the cruelty of an unknown assailant. 

The team leader cursed as he hit the steering wheel with the palm of his hand. It wasn’t fair that Tony was in the hospital drying out with no memory of his former life; he deserved better than that. Sometimes it felt like his senior agent wore a target on his back and that there were an endless stream of people standing in line to take a shot.

“Tony, what am I going to do with you?” he mumbled to himself.

“A few well placed head slaps are probably in order.”

Slamming his brakes on, Gibbs looked around for the source of the voice; if he didn’t know better, he would swear DiNozzo was in the car with him. But that was impossible; Tony barely remembered his name. Ignoring the blaring car horns as several cars swerved to miss him, he pulled the car over and shut the engine off. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he considered the possibility that he was losing his mind.

“You’re not going crazy, Boss. You wanted to talk to me, so here I am.”

Gibbs laid his head against the headrest. The voice he was hearing belonged to Tony, but the former Marine knew that he was alone. He had to admit that he was tempted to carry out the conversation that was trying to take place in his mind.

“Ah, the hell with it,” he growled. The team leader decided that he just wouldn’t mention to anyone that he was having a conversation with his imaginary senior field agent. “Glad you’re here, DiNozzo.”

“Where else would I be, Boss?”

“Right now, you’re drying out in the hospital.”

“Yeah. Taking that first drink wasn’t the best decision I’ve ever made. Sad thing about life is that there are no do overs; maybe if there were, I wouldn’t be in this mess.”

Gibbs shook his head. “This isn’t your fault, Tony.”

“Sure feels like it.”

“Why are you always so quick to accept the blame?”

“Years of conditioning.”

That comment would have normally earned a head slap, but Gibbs knew that he was right. It was drummed into DiNozzo at a young age that he was responsible for everything that went wrong in his father’s life. Now, he was accepting the blame for something that he had no control over. 

“It’s not your fault,” he forcibly repeated. 

“Then whose is it?”

“The bastards who did this to you” the team leader snapped. “The blame lies with them.”

“Whatever you say. I just wish I could remember.”

“You will, DiNozzo.”

“When?”

He shrugged, unsure of how to answer Tony’s question. “I don’t know, Tony. I guess you’ll remember when you’re ready.”

“I want to remember, but…”

“But what, Tony?” Gibbs pressed.

“Every time I think I’m getting close to remembering something, it’s like my mind completely shuts down.”

“Don’t push it. Just remember that you’re not alone in this.”

“I know, Boss.”

“Tony?”

“Yeah?”

“You did good.”

Gibbs could picture the surprised expression on imaginary Tony’s face. He was well aware of the fact that DiNozzo was constantly trying to please him and when he was rewarded with genuine praise, the younger man would always seem amazed that he had actually earned a kind word.

“How can you say that, Boss? I screwed up.”

“No Tony. You survived.”

“Thanks, Boss.”

Tony’s image began to fade from the Marine’s mind. “You’re welcome, DiNozzo.”

If only reality could be so simple, but the fact remained that Tony had a long road to travel before he could even begin to expect some semblance of normalcy. But now Gibbs knew that locked within the mind of Todd Gibbs, Tony DiNozzo still existed. He started the engine and continued his journey to the hospital, with a new sense of hope that one day his senior agent would be back by his side.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Ziva sat quietly by Tony’s side, watching his every movement as he continued to battle his demons. Although he was fighting with less intensity, she knew that Tony was still struggling against an unseen force that would haunt his dreams. His attempts to fight against the restraints had lessened in severity and he was experiencing more periods of lucidity, but she knew that Tony still had a hard recovery ahead of him. 

She was hoping that the worst of the withdrawal was almost over. Their last conversation had ended with him insisting that she call him Tony instead of Todd. For the first time since this ordeal began, Ziva could actually believe that Tony DiNozzo was still with them and that things would eventually return to normal.

Ziva smiled at Tony when he opened his eyes. Although he was sleeping more, he never slept for long periods of time. “Can I get you anything?” she softly inquired.

“Some water.”

His voice was still hoarse; she knew that the cold liquid would provide welcome relief. She poured some water in the cup and bent the straw towards him so he could take a sip.

“Thank you,” he said, his voice a little stronger.

“You are welcome.”

She leaned over him and began to stroke his beard with the back of her hand. He looked at her, his eyes clouded with confusion and doubt, emotions that she wished she could replace with happiness and assurance.

“Are you sure…we aren’t together?” he asked again.

“I am sure. We like to tease and flirt, but that is as far as it goes. We are partners at work, not in a…personal sense,” she tried to explain.

“I must be…an…idiot.”

“Why’s that?”

Tony licked his lips, prompting her to give him another sip of water. “Never mind,” he mumbled. 

“It would never work. Gibbs would kill us if we broke rule number eleven.”

“Twelve,” he corrected. “Eleven is…”

“What?” she pressed, hoping and praying that he would be able to recover another memory. 

He shook his head. “I don’t know what I was going to say. What is it with…these rules?”

“They are Gibbs’ rules,” she patiently explained. “I am not sure how many there are, but you seem to know most of them. I mean, you used to know most of them.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Do not apologize,” she gently chastised him. “Your memory will return; of that, I have no doubt.”

“And if…it doesn’t? What if I never…remember being Tony…DiNozzo?”

“You are already remembering bits and pieces; the rest will come.”

“Maybe I’m…a better Todd Gibbs…than Tony DiNozzo.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe as Tony, I wasn’t such a good person,” he rationalized. “But of course, Todd’s not too good of…a person either.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“You don’t know me.”

Ziva smiled at the ailing man. “Yes, I do.”

Tony shook his head. “No, you don’t.”

“Then you should tell me about yourself,” she suggested. 

“Nothing to tell; I’m just…a…drunk…homeless guy.”

“I do not believe that.”

“It’s the truth. I didn’t mean to…be bad…or do…bad things. Always been more…trouble…than I’m worth.” 

“Who told you that?”

She watched as Tony clenched his eyes shut as if trying to ward off an unwanted image. Ziva placed her hand on his shoulder and called out to him. “Tony? Tony, what’s wrong?”

He didn’t answer her. Ziva took his hand and squeezed it. “Tony? What do you see?” she wanted to know. “Tell me and I can help you.”

“Leave me alone!” he growled. “Don’t you know…you’ll…get hurt? Leave me alone!”

“Tony, I am fine.”

“I always…hurt…and disappoint…those who care…about me. I let…him down…I told them…what…they wanted to know.”

Ziva took her thumb and wiped away the tears that were now streaming down Tony’s cheeks. “I do not understand, Tony. Who did you let down? Who are they?”

“Go…away!” he cried out. “Please, just…leave.”

“I can’t do that, Tony. Gibbs would have my ass.”

“Please…leave…before…you’re hurt,” he begged.

“No, Tony.”

“Ziva.”

She turned to find Jethro Gibbs standing in the doorway. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough,” the team leader solemnly replied.

“I think he is remembering something, but the memory is evidently a painful one.”

“Go on home, Ziva,” he instructed.

Uncertain if she had heard him correctly, she stared at him for a moment until he repeated the order. “Ziva, go home and get some rest.” 

“But I thought that you wanted me to stay the night,” she reminded him.

“I changed my mind. I’m staying.”

Knowing that there was no use to argue with the former Marine, she leaned over and placed a kiss on top of Tony’s forehead. “Tony? I have to go,” she said, her tone soft and soothing.

She felt Tony’s grasp tighten as she tried to pull her hand free. “I’ll be back, Tony,” she vowed. “I promise.”

Tony nodded and she placed a kiss on his forehead. “Feel better soon, my little hairy butt,” she whispered into his ear.

Ziva stood to leave, gesturing for Gibbs to take her seat. Sparing one final glance at Tony, she couldn’t help but feel that she was abandoning him just as he was about to have a breakthrough in his memory. She recalled how Tony’s entire body had tensed when he had heard Gibbs’ voice and how he held onto her like she was his life preserver on a sinking ship. For some reason, the ex-sniper made Tony nervous to the point that she could sense the terror radiating from her friend. 

“By the way, we got the guy who murdered the lieutenant,” Gibbs called out to her. “Tony’s been cleared of the murder charges.”

“Good. Now we can concentrate on Tony.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

Ziva nodded in agreement, relieved that Tony would not have to face the possibility of a life in jail. She left Tony’s room and headed towards the elevator, hoping that he wouldn’t push too much. Tony needed time and she wasn’t convinced that Gibbs would give him the time and space he desperately needed. 

Of course, the team leader’s relationship with Tony had always puzzled her; sometimes it had been difficult to ascertain if they were boss and senior field agent, brothers, or father and son. It had been evident since the first time that she had encountered the team, that Jethro Gibbs and Tony DiNozzo had a healthy admiration and respect for one another. They hadn’t been afraid to challenge each other, but yet they would have died for each other without a second thought. 

One step forward and two steps back; that seemed to sum up the last few days for all of them, especially Tony. He was scared, frustrated, and uncertain of not only his past, but his future as well and despite their reassurances that everything would be all right, she knew that Tony wasn’t convinced. Maybe Gibbs would be the one to persuade him otherwise.


	16. 16

He hated the dark. His tormentors must have figured that out because ever since his capture, he had been forced to live in a black void. He was bound so tightly that the binds were cutting into his skin; he was blindfolded and gagged so that he couldn’t hear or speak. The only sound that he heard was the scurrying of what he figured to be rats, searching for their next meal. God, he hated rats. 

He wasn’t sure when his intense dislike of the pests first occurred, but at the moment, it didn’t matter. What mattered was the fact that he needed to get free before his captors returned. They were relentless in their efforts to break him and he wasn’t sure how much more he could withstand their ruthless means of extracting information. 

His body tensed as the door opened. He tried to swallow but the gag made it nearly impossible to do so. A strangled cry escaped from his throat as his head was jerked backwards; he shuddered as he felt the kidnapper’s rancid breath on his neck. He was going to be sick, but he was forced to tamp down the nausea; he didn’t cherish the thought of choking to death on his own vomit.

Todd easily recognized his visitor; he called himself Steve, although he doubted it was his real name. This man was heartless and cruel and Todd hated him. Steve had been the one to drug him and beat him; he had also been the one to…No! He would not allow that painful memory to resurface.

“No one is looking for you, you bastard,” Steve hissed as he tightened his grip on Todd’s hair. “Your friends, your boss; they’ve all abandoned you because they know you betrayed them. You sold out. You failed them. Do you hear me? No one cares what happens to you, Agent DiNozzo. You see, we discovered your real name; you’ve been lying to us.”

He tried to shake his head, but that action was met with resistance. Todd gasped for breath as a hand tightened around his throat. “You have something to say?” his captor taunted.

The blindfold was removed and the gag was roughly pulled from his mouth, causing him to clamp down on his tongue. The taste of his own blood only exacerbated his urge to throw up. “Gonna be…sick.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Todd began to retch, a mixture of blood and bile staining his shirt and pants, as well as those of his tormentor. A sharp blow to his face made him cry out in anguish. “Damn bastard! Look what you did!”

Todd began to laugh. He knew that his seemingly indifferent attitude would only bring more pain and suffering, but he no longer cared. The agony no longer mattered; he deserved what happened to him. He had tried to resist as long as he could, hoping that he would be found; but no one ever came. No one had his six. A man can only be subjected to so much before he loses his sense of reality and Todd knew that he had surpassed that limit. 

“What are you laughing at?” the dark figure demanded to know. “Do you think this is funny?”

 

“No,” he finally managed to rasp. “Not…funny.”

“You’re right, Agent DiNozzo. It’s not funny.”

“Name is Todd...Gibbs.”

“No it’s not,” Steve countered. “My partner saw your mug on TV when the feds decided to call off the search for you. They know. They know that you told us everything. I’m sure that NCIS is hoping that you’re dead.”

“I don’t…know…what you’re talking about.”

“You’ve said that before, but we don’t believe you, Agent DiNozzo.” 

“Todd Gibbs…name is Todd Gibbs!”

“Liar!” Steve shouted.

Todd inhaled sharply when he felt the tip of a knife blade resting precariously against his throat. “I want to hear you say it. Tell me that your name is Anthony DiNozzo.”

He felt a rivulet of blood trick down his neck. “I’m Todd…”

“Tell me or you’ll be sorry. We already have extracted all the information that we need from you. I just want to hear you say your name is Anthony DiNozzo. Maybe if you cooperate, I’ll let you go.”

“Now…who’s lying?” Todd challenged.

“You still have too much fight left in you. I really thought that we had broken you this last time. I guess I was wrong..”

Todd felt a prick in his arm and the familiar feeling of being burned alive began to emerge. He fell to the floor and began to struggle as Steve began to drag him across the room. A sense of panic began to overwhelm Todd as he realized that he was going to be locked in what he had once jokingly referred to as the dungeon, but was really a small closet with barely enough room to sit. 

It was pitch black and it reeked of urine and vomit, mostly his. He was usually forced to stay in the tiny room for several days at a time and Todd would have no choice but to relieve himself. Of course, he wasn’t drinking much anymore, so maybe this time he would be able to hold it. Todd hated this room; the thoughts of being alone in complete darkness frightened him to no end. “Please don’t,” he begged.

“It’s too late. You had your chance,” his tormentor growled. “Putting you in here always seems to bring you down a notch or two.”

“Don’t do this! Please!”

“That’s it, Agent DiNozzo; I like it when you beg. Of course, my partner likes it when you cry. So, if I put you in here, I guess we’ll both get what we want.”

“Name is…Todd.”

He could no longer offer any resistance as the drug continued to rage through him, forcing him to scream out in anguish. Todd knew that it wouldn’t be much longer before he could no longer distinguish between what was real and what was a figment of his imagination. 

“I’ll be back to check on you in a day or so, Agent DiNozzo,” Steve taunted. 

Todd heard the door shut and lock, trapping him inside the closet. He lay on his side, staring into the void. The ailing man no longer had the strength to move as his tortured body succumbed to the drugs. 

“Someone…help…me!” he sobbed. But once again, his pleas were met with silence; no one was going to help him. He forced himself to sit up as he felt something move across his feet. “God, no,” he whispered. “Please no!” 

He kicked at the door. “Rats! Let me out! Please!” he yelled, ignoring the dull pain in his throat. “I’ll do anything! My name is…Anthony Di…Nozzo! I said it! My name is Anthony…DiNozzo! Now let me out! Steve! Let me out!”

Again, no one came. He began pulling himself into the farthest corner of the closet to get away from the dreaded creatures. Excruciating pain wracked every fiber of his body, but he forced himself to move. When would this nightmare be over? Was he doomed to a life of pain and darkness? Todd welcomed death, knowing that the outcome would be much better than the existence that was now his reality.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Gibbs watched as Tony continued to thrash about, his legs becoming entangled in the sheets. It was obvious that the younger man was once again being haunted by nightmares and the team leader wanted nothing more than to be able to keep Tony’s demons at bay. Placing his hands on DiNozzo’s shoulders, he gently shook the agent, hoping to awaken him without startling him. “Todd, I need you to wake up.”

Tony continued to pull at his restraints in his sleep. Gibbs could see where the straps were cutting into DiNozzo’s flesh prompting him to make a mental note to have those removed. “Todd, listen to me. It’s Jethro Gibbs.”

The senior agent’s eyes snapped open. “My name is Anthony DiNozzo!” Tony blurted out. “I said it! My name is Anthony DiNozzo! Now let me out! Steve! Let me out!”

Gibbs could see the fear in Tony’s eyes. Something was terrifying him and the former Marine could not even begin to fathom what it could be. Tony had never admitted to being afraid of anything, except rats and the plague, but truthfully, Gibbs didn’t blame him. 

Ducky had once told Gibbs that Tony’s greatest fear was failing him. DiNozzo had worked hard to earn the team leader’s respect and trust; something that Leroy Jethro Gibbs did not give freely. Once Tony had accomplished that, the young agent had seemingly made it his life’s purpose to please him. 

He wasn’t sure of why he had earned DiNozzo’s loyalty, but he quickly discovered that it was a good thing to have. Gibbs owed Tony his life and the only way he could repay him was to help his senior field agent reclaim what had so savagely been taken from him.

“I’ve got you,” Gibbs stated, hoping that Tony could hear him. “You’re safe now.”

It took a few seconds before Tony was able to focus on the team leader. Gibbs could see the pain and confusion in his eyes as DiNozzo glanced around the room, his gaze finally coming to rest on the ex-Marine.

“Can you hear me?” he asked. 

Tony nodded, prompting Gibbs to slowly release his grasp on the younger man’s shoulders. “Sorry,” DiNozzo muttered.

“It’s all right,” Gibbs assured him. “Must have been some hell of a dream.”

“Not a dream,” Tony whispered. “Really happened.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“It might help,” Gibbs pointed out.

“Talking’s not going to change it.”

“No, but it might help you deal with it.”

Tony’s eyes narrowed. “Been dealing with it fine.”

“Yeah, I can see that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” DiNozzo angrily challenged.

“Nothing. I was just making an observation.”

“You don’t know anything about it!”

“I know enough to figure out that you turned to alcohol as a way to dull the pain, and I’m not just talking about the physical pain.”

“You a shrink now?” 

Gibbs shook his head, choosing to ignore the hint of sarcasm present in Tony’s voice. “Nope, just going by my gut.”

The two men sat in silence for the next few minutes. Gibbs watched as Tony absently pulled at his restraints as he stared at the ceiling. He was surprised and grateful that DiNozzo hadn’t asked him to leave; it was more than obvious that he was still anxious around the team leader.

“They said no one was coming for me,” Tony recalled, finally shattering the stillness. “They were right. No one came.”

“We never gave up, Tony.” Gibbs winced, realizing his mistake. “I’m sorry. Todd,” he corrected.

“They told me my name was Anthony DiNozzo, but I kept telling them my name was Todd. At least I thought it was. Evidently, they were right.”

“You’re name is Anthony DiNozzo, but I’ll call you anything you want me to until you tell me otherwise.”

Tony shrugged. “I already told Ziva she could call me Tony.”

“So does that mean I can call you Tony?” Gibbs asked.

“Better than Elf Lord.”

Gibbs smiled. “Where did you come up with a name like that?”

“I don’t know,” Tony admitted. “It just popped in my head.”

“I’m sure that it’ll come to you eventually.”

Tony closed his eyes and blew out a breath. “I’m so tired.”

“You’ve been through a lot,” the former Marine reminded him. “It’s going to take a while for your body to catch up.”

“I guess so,” Tony mumbled. “Just feel like crap.”

“Things will get better.”

“When?”

“Soon. You’re through the worst part of the withdrawal, now we just got to work on keeping you sober,” Gibbs stated. 

“What makes you so certain that I’m not going to leave here and start drinking again?”

“Because Tony,” Gibbs paused and grinned; it felt good not having to call him Todd. “Tony, you’re going to give me your word.”

Tony’s eyes narrowed. “My word?”

“You’re going to give me your word that you’re not going to take another drink.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to break a promise again.” 

Gibbs wasn’t sure what to say. Tony had never gone back on his word; had his life on the streets changed that aspect of the senior agent’s character? He didn’t think so. “Tony, I’ve never lied to you and I’m not about to start now, so I want you to believe me when I tell you that you’ve never gone back on your word to me.”

“There’s a first time for everything.”

“Tony, I want your word,” he urged.

“I can’t.”

The ex-Marine couldn’t begin to fathom the damage that had to have been inflicted upon Tony to have destroyed the agent’s sense of integrity. Gibbs figured that whatever had happed had forced DiNozzo to retreat to the far recesses of his mind, allowing the persona of Todd Gibbs to emerge. Now, Tony DiNozzo was struggling to break out of his self imposed prison and the team leader was determined to help him find his way back.

“Yes, you can,” Gibbs said. “Yes, you can.”

“The word of a drunk doesn’t mean anything.”

“Tony, I…”

Gibbs saw Tony clench his eyes shut. He wasn’t sure if the younger man was trying to block out the unwanted images that seemed to plague him or if he was purposefully ignoring Gibbs’ attempts to reason with him. Acting on pure instinct, he loosed the restraints around Tony’s wrists, hoping that the simple action would begin to rebuild the trust that had been shattered by the cruel acts of twisted individuals who had taken great pleasure in torturing his son.

“I don’t think you need those any longer,” he explained. 

“Thanks,” Tony mumbled. “Hate those things.”

“I don’t blame you.”

“I don’t…like…being tied down.”

“I wouldn’t either, Tony. The people who hurt you, did they tie you down?” Gibbs knew the answer but he wanted to give DiNozzo an opportunity to talk if he so desired. It was difficult keeping the anger out of his voice, but he had to; he didn’t want Tony to believe that the rage he felt was directed at him.

“Yeah,” Tony admitted, his own voice barely above a whisper. “Yeah, they did.”

“What else did they do to you?” he pressed.

“They would give me shots of some kind. Made me feel…like I was on fire.”

Gibbs winced, trying to imagine Tony’s pain. “How often would they give you these shots?”

Tony shrugged. “I don’t know.” 

He watched as DiNozzo pulled his arms under the sheet and curled up on his side. Gibbs reached up to brush a stray piece of hair out of Tony’s eyes, his movements cautious so that he wouldn’t startle the still ailing man. He was aware that his agent was closing himself off, physically and emotionally, but Gibbs couldn’t blame him. Tony was scared and he knew that he couldn’t push the agent; he had to take things slowly or else he would lose DiNozzo forever.

“We’ll talk some more later,” Gibbs said.

“Okay,” DiNozzo softly replied. 

“By the way, we got the guy that murdered Lt. Matthews. You’re in the clear.”

Gibbs wasn’t sure that Tony had heard him. DiNozzo remained motionless, his eyes fixed on the team leader. A trembling hand snaked out from under the sheet searching for a lifeline, for something tangible that he could cling to. Gibbs took Tony’s hand in his own and squeezed it. “I’m not going anywhere,” he vowed. “You have my word.”

His hopes soared as Tony silently acknowledged him with a slight nod. “Maybe someday,” DiNozzo quietly replied. “I can give you mine.”


	17. Bad Moon Rising

It had been a long time since Abby had tucked anyone in, especially a little girl. Olivia Carter had fallen asleep on her couch after her bath and Abby had taken great care to make sure that she was warm and comfortable. She took a moment to study the young girl, wondering if her dreams were of handsome princes and living happily ever after or if her life on the streets had dashed her hopes of a fairy tale life. 

“Is she asleep?”

Abby looked up to see Megan entering the living room, now wearing one of the Goth’s sleeping gowns and a black plush robe. “She’s been asleep for a few minutes,” she quietly replied. “I see you found the clothes I left for you.”

“Yes I did. Abby, I can’t thank you enough for opening your home up to us.”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

The Goth smiled at the world weary woman, whose difficult life had not diminished her gentleness. “You really mean that, don’t you?” Megan asked.

“Of course I do.”

“You didn’t have to do this.”

“I know, but I wanted to. It was the least I could do after all you’ve done for Tony,” she reasoned.

“We really didn’t do much. We just tried to look out for him, just like he tried to look out for us.”

“You cared,” Abby pointed out. “That’s a lot more than most people do.”

“Todd, I mean Tony is very special to you isn’t he?” Megan observed.

“Yes he is,” she admitted. Tony held a very special place in her heart. While neither would ever cross the line of lover, their shameless flirting and constant teasing had forged a friendship so deep that it couldn’t be defined by mere words. He was more than a friend and closer than a brother. 

“We’ve known each other a long time,” Abby told her. “I think he knows everything about me there is to know, just like I know everything about him. We would spend hours after work either clubbing or sometimes we would just sit around and watch movies and gorge ourselves on pizza, beer, and ice cream, talking about everything from sex to our childhood memories. He used to tell me that he could be himself around me; you know, drop his guard.”

“I know what you mean,” Megan said. “He would talk to me and Olivia for hours, but he was so agitated around anyone else. People just started avoiding him, calling him crazy among other things. He would always sit where he could watch the door. Sometimes I thought he was looking or waiting for someone and other times, I thought maybe he was hiding from someone.”

“He was scared,” Abby stated.

“Yes, he was. I have a feeling that fear is an emotion that Tony doesn’t welcome.”

“He doesn’t show it often, but there have been a few times I’ve seen Tony afraid,” she recalled. “I think he’s scared now.”

“I can only imagine what he’s going through. Olivia used to fuss at him for drinking so much, but he would just tell her that it helped him to forget.”

Puzzled, Abby asked, “Forget what?”

“I don’t know. All he ever said was that drinking helped him to forget what he had done.”

“You don’t know what he meant?”

Megan shook her head. “No. One time right before he passed out, he mumbled something about not meaning to tell; I’m not sure what he meant.”

“Once he starts feeling better and the alcohol is completely out of his system, he’ll start remembering more,” Abby insisted. 

“I hope so. I’d really like to see him get his life back. He’s a good man and deserves to be happy.”

Abby smiled at her new found friend. “I’m glad you were there for him.”

“Me too,” Megan whispered. “I just wish we could have done more.”

“What do you mean?”

She noticed that Megan’s hands were beginning to tremble. “There were nights that he would wake up screaming as if he were in agony,” the young mother quietly sobbed. “I would try and wake him up from his nightmare but sometimes, all I could do was hold him while he begged for the pain to stop. Whenever he woke up, it took him a while to realize that he was safe. I would let him go sit in the corner because I could tell that he wasn’t comfortable with being held. 

“He finally stopped sleeping at the shelter after awhile, unless he ended up passing out there,” Megan continued, her voice a little stronger. “I would get really worried when I wouldn’t see him for days; I guess I had a tendency to assume the worst.”

Abby could feel her own eyes welling up with tears; the thoughts of what Tony must have endured made her shudder. She had witnessed his nightmares many times, but he very seldom would cry out; most of the time, he was trying to be quiet for fear of repercussion. His father had instilled in him that DiNozzos didn’t cry and the sight of tears usually had resulted in a humiliating punishment for Tony.

“Well,” she sighed, pushing those memories to the back of her mind. “Tony’s in good hands now and he’s going to get the help he needs. Gibbs will make sure of it.”

“I have a feeling that you’re right. Maybe Agent Gibbs was the one Tony was always looking for when he’d stare at that door for hours.”

“That’s very possible. He and Gibbs have always had this special…connection. Abby didn’t bother to offer any further explanation. It was difficult to explain something that you didn’t fully understand yourself. “I guess we better get to sleep,” she suggested. 

“Yes,” Megan agreed. “I didn’t realize how late it was. I hope I didn’t keep you up too late.”

“Are you kidding? Why do you think I drink all those Caf-Pows?” she teased.

“Good night, Abby and thank you again,” Megan said as she laid down on the cot beside the couch. 

“You’re welcome and if you need anything, don’t hesitate to wake me up.”

“You’ve done enough already.”

“No, I haven’t.”

A few minutes later, Abby was lying in her coffin, thinking about how Megan and Olivia had so selflessly tried to help Tony. There had to be some way that she and the others could thank them for taking care of their friend. If it hadn’t been for the mother and her daughter, Tony would more than likely have ended up dead. 

As she drifted to sleep, she began to formulate a plan in her mind. She had the perfect way to show Megan and Olivia how grateful she and the others were; all it would take would be for Gibbs to set the wheels in motion.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He listened to the soft breathing of the man sitting in the chair beside him. Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs had remained by his side, just as he had promised. Although he couldn’t remember Gibbs, he had a feeling that the agent was a man of his word. If only he could be like that; to have your word count for something showed character and integrity, two things that Tony DiNozzo, as he was now called, seemed to have.

Tony. He was still getting used to that name, hoping that one day it would roll off his tongue as easily as the name Todd Gibbs had. Tony wanted to believe that he was something special to these people for them to insist that he was their missing friend, but his ability to trust had been shattered along with his life.

For the first time in several days, he could actually formulate coherent thoughts, something that he had not been able to do in quite a while. He couldn’t remember the last time that he had been sober and as the unwanted memories of his life came flooding back, he managed to remember why he preferred to stay drunk. 

He drank so he wouldn’t have to face those memories. Tony wondered if Gibbs knew how much of a coward he was. Probably not, because he would never accept the fact that Agent Tony DiNozzo was scared of his own shadow.

Tony sighed as he wrapped his arms around his gaunt frame. He stared at his wrists, fascinated by the fading scars that served as a physical reminder of a tormented past; a past he had tried to drown in alcohol. He had obviously been successful in his endeavors, because he had no memory his life as Agent Anthony DiNozzo. 

Sometimes images of people or places would flash through his mind, but he wasn’t sure if the memories belonged to Tony or Todd. He felt certain that Gibbs would be able to help him sort out the pieces to the puzzle of his screwed up life, but there were so many things that he would never be able to reveal; not to Gibbs, not to anyone.

Hugging himself tighter, Tony fought the urge to run. He couldn’t stand to be confined and although he really wasn’t aware of how long he had been in the hospital, he was certain that it had been too long. 

“Gotta get out of here,” he mumbled to himself.

“You got some place else to be, Tony?”

He looked over at Gibbs who was now awake and studying him intently. Tony sensed that the agent was trying to see into his soul, but he knew that Gibbs would be hard pressed to find anything but blackness.

“Yeah,” he finally managed to answer. “Anywhere but here.”

“I think that Dr. Cole may have something to say about that.”

Tony shrugged. “Probably so. I just feel like the walls are closing in on me.”

“They haven’t moved since I’ve been here,” Gibbs teased.

He managed to grace the former Marine with a tiny smile, knowing that Gibbs was only trying to lighten his mood. “I…uh…just want out of here.” Tony swallowed nervously. “Please.”

“You’re still pretty weak,” Gibbs reasoned. “Your body has had a tough couple of days; you need to rest.”

“Have you ever tried to rest in a hospital?”

It was Gibbs’ turn to smile. “We’ve had this conversation before.”

Puzzled, Tony asked, “We have?”

“Yeah, a couple years ago. You had been pretty sick and you were trying to convince me to check you out of the hospital,” the team leader recalled. “Actually, you tried to sneak out a couple of times, but you got caught both times; once by me and the other time by…”

“By who?”

“Kate.”

“Oh.” Kate was Tony’s angel. She had kept him from completely losing his mind, especially these past few months when all he had wanted to do was to curl up and die. He vaguely recalled talking to someone about her, but he had never truly considered the possibility that she had been real. “Kate,” he whispered.

“Yeah,” Gibbs answered. “Do you remember Kate?”

Tony shook his head. “Not the way you do.”

“Then tell me how you remember her,” Gibbs gently prodded.

“I…uh…I can’t. Not right now.”

“Maybe later then.”

He knew that Gibbs wouldn’t forget and that they would eventually have this conversation again. The team leader was determined to make him believe that he was Tony DiNozzo and although he was allowing them to call him Tony, he still had his doubts.

“So, how about getting me out of here?” Tony wanted to know, purposely redirecting the conversation back to the original topic. 

“I don’t think you’re ready, Tony.”

Tony clenched his jaw tightly. “I don’t think I asked your opinion on whether I’m ready to leave or not. I just want to leave.” 

“You’re still sick. The doctor won’t go for it, Tony,” Gibbs tried to rationalize. 

“I’m not asking his blessing,” Tony snapped, his anger continuing to build inside of him.

“Tony, just give it a few more days and then we’ll talk about it some more.”

“I don’t want to give it a few more days! You can’t keep me here if I don’t want to stay!”

“Tony, listen to me,” Gibbs insisted. “You’ve made it through the worst of the physical part of the withdrawal and your body needs to recover. I don’t want you leaving here before you’re ready and before you know that you have control over your drinking. I want you to trust me to…”

Tony struggled to sit up, rage fueling his weakened physical state, providing him with a strength that he didn’t know he possessed. “Trust you?” he cried out. “I’m supposed to trust you?”

Gibbs stood up, clearly taken aback by Tony’s outburst. “Tony, you need to calm down,” he urged with a forced calmness.

“Why? Because I’m supposed to trust you? Why should I trust you?” Tony could feel his body begin to tremble from the exertion, but he could no longer control the emotions that were now surfacing. Images of darkness and the feelings of fear and being alone assaulted him and he could no longer contain those voices that were screaming in his mind, crying out for release.

“Tony, I…”

“How can I trust you?” he snarled. “You left me! You left me there to die! You stopped looking and left me there! How can I trust you?”

He tried to pull away as Gibbs grabbed him by the shoulders. “Look at me, Tony!” he demanded. “I don’t know what you’re talking about! Where did I leave you?”

“You left me there! They said that you weren’t coming because I…”

Tony winced as the team leader’s grasp tightened. He began to fight against the calloused hands that were holding him down. “Let go of me!” he roared. 

“Not until you answer my question!” Gibbs barked. “You said I left you; now tell me where it is I supposedly left you!”

Hot tears began streaming down Tony’s face. “With them,” he sobbed. “You left me with them! They said you…weren’t coming because I told…them everything. I told them…because you didn’t…come! I…told them everything…because you…didn’t come…”

He felt Gibbs release him as he was suddenly surrounded by nurses insisting that he calm down. Tony felt a stick in his arm and knew that within a few minutes, he would no longer care what was going on around him. His eyes locked with Gibbs’, “You…didn’t…have…my six.”

Tony could no longer fight the effects of the sedative. He didn’t hear Gibbs quietly begging for his forgiveness, nor did he hear the team leader insist on speaking to the doctor about taking him home.


	18. Bad Moon Rising

“This is not a good idea.”

Gibbs watched as Dr. Cole paced behind his desk, Tony’s chart firmly clutched in his hand as he reviewed the young man’s latest lab results. The team leader had come to the doctor in hopes of being able to check DiNozzo out of the hospital, with intentions of taking Tony back to his house as he continued to recover. Gibbs had already requested the time off that he would need to ensure Tony was never alone. Jenny had not been happy about his sudden leave of absence, but he really didn’t care what she thought. He was going to do what was best for Tony; Gibbs was determined to prove to DiNozzo that he did indeed have his six.

“If you don’t release him, he’ll walk out of here and end up right back on the streets,” Gibbs reasoned. “I don’t want to see that happen.”

“I don’t want to see that happen either, Agent Gibbs,” the doctor countered. “However, I must object to checking him out of the hospital so soon. Although he is no longer experiencing the physical symptoms of withdrawal, Tony still has a long way to go before he’s well. There are the psychological aspects of alcoholism that we haven’t even begun to deal with yet; not to mention that he’s still malnourished and his lab work is nowhere near normal.”

“Can’t he be monitored through an outpatient program?” the former Marine asked.

“Yes,” Cole admitted. “We have an excellent outpatient program, but I still think he needs to stay at least until the end of the week. He has been through a horrible ordeal, not just physically but mentally; I’m not just talking about the effects of the withdrawal. Tony’s memories of his past life are very sporadic right now,” the doctor pointed out. “What are you going to do if they all come rushing back at one time? How will you handle it? What if it’s too much for him and he tries to run away or hurt himself? Have you even considered these possibilities?”

“I’ll be there for him and so will the others,” Gibbs vowed. 

“What if that’s not enough?”

“It will be.”

“How can you be sure?”

As he met the piercing gaze of Dr. Cole, Gibbs felt his confidence waver slightly. Maybe the doctor was speaking from experience, but Tony was not this man’s son. Tony was strong and a fighter and that tenacity had overcome many obstacles throughout the young man’s life. “I know Tony,” was all the reply he gave.

“I can see I’m not going to be able to talk you out of this,” the doctor stated. 

“No.”

“All right, here’s the deal. I’ll enter him in the outpatient program. He will have both private and group sessions with the counselors. I’m also going to suggest that he see Dr. Walters, who is a psychiatrist that deals with PTSD; I think that he can help Tony uncover some of those memories that are buried.”

He knew Tony would balk at the thought of seeing a psychiatrist, but Gibbs would get him to agree; once DiNozzo gave his word on something, it was as good as done. 

“I also need to see him every day for the first week to make sure that he’s tolerating his supplements and to monitor any physical issues that may arise,” Dr. Cole instructed. “If everything is going well, we can cut back to twice a week. I’ll give you the prescriptions that he needs to have filled and you have to make sure that he takes them as prescribed.”

“I understand,” Gibbs assured him. 

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” the physician said.

“I do.”

“I can’t tell you how important it is that he follows through with this program. If he doesn’t, then he’ll eventually end up back where he started or worse.”

Gibbs didn’t miss the flash of pain and regret that crossed the doctor’s face. He realized that once again, Cole was thinking of his son. If there was one thing that Gibbs understood, it was the anguish of being forced to live with nothing more than a memory. 

“I’ll start his paperwork. He should be ready to leave once the sedative wears off. One of the nurses will come up with his scheduled appointments and the release papers.”

The team leader rose from his seat. “Thank you.”

“Good luck and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Gibbs left Dr. Cole’s office and headed towards Tony’s room. He knew that Tony would still be asleep, so he had time enough to make a couple of phone calls. Pulling out his cell, he punched the button that would automatically call Ducky. The ME was probably not going to approve of the fact that Gibbs was checking Tony out of the hospital, but once the former Marine explained the situation, surely Ducky would understand and would be willing to help him in any way possible. At least, he hoped that his old friend would see it his way. After two rings, the elderly physician answered. 

“Duck?” Gibbs began, quickly deciding that there was no need for him to mince words. “I’m taking Tony home…”

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

McGee had promised that he would be at the hospital bright and early. Gibbs had insisted that he stay with Tony, knowing that he had been the only one who had yet to see DiNozzo. He wasn’t trying to avoid his friend, or maybe he was. Why didn’t he want to see Tony? There really wasn’t a good explanation except for the fact that he was scared.

“Face it, McGee, you’re a chicken,” he mumbled to himself. As an afterthought, he glanced around to make sure that no one had heard him. 

As the elevator neared the floor that Tony’s room was on, a knot began to form in the pit of his stomach. When the doors opened, the knot was pulled tighter making him wonder if throwing up would make him feel better, but the sight of Gibbs talking on the phone quickly tamped down the urge to as Tony would say, ‘make street pizza.’

Apparently, Gibbs was too engrossed in his current conversation to notice his discomfort. He walked towards Tony’s room and stood in the doorframe. DiNozzo appeared to be asleep, forcing McGee to breathe a sigh of relief; at least he wouldn’t have to say anything for a while. Maybe by the time Tony woke up, he would have thought of something to say that didn’t make him sound like bumbling idiot. 

Ziva had told him just to be himself; if he acted normally, Tony would be more at ease. The only problem with that theory was that it was easier said than done. He quietly entered the room and sat down in the chair beside the bed. Tony’s arms were folded across his stomach, the bruises on his wrists a reminder of the fact that his friend had been restrained so he wouldn’t hurt himself or someone else. He supposed that it was a good sign that Tony no longer needed them, but McGee had a feeling that it was simply a small victory. 

“Man, Tony,” he whispered. “I’m sorry this happened to you.”

“Not your fault,” Tony rasped. 

McGee sat forward on the edge of the chair to discover that although Tony had answered him, his eyes were still closed. He had always been amazed how DiNozzo could sleep and still be aware of everything that was going on around him; a skill that had probably saved his life more than once when Tony was living on the streets. 

“Are you awake?”

“Yeah, just a little drowsy. I got a shot of something a while ago; guess it’s still in my system. Feels like someone superglued my eyelids shut.”

Tim’s head shot up. “Superglue?” he muttered. Was there a chance that Tony was remembering something or was he just having random thoughts? He had lost count of the times that DiNozzo had put superglue on his keyboard; Gibbs still kept a bottle of acetone in his desk, even though he hadn’t needed it for a while. Actually he hadn’t needed it since before Tony had disappeared. 

Tony finally managed to open his eyes, but McGee could tell that he was still fighting the effects of the sedative he had been given. “Yeah, superglue. Good stuff,” DiNozzo slurred.

“So I hear,” McGee said, unsure of what to say. “Can I get you anything?”

“Out of here.”

McGee smiled at his ailing colleague. “Sorry, I can’t do that.”

“Gibbs said he would.”

“Must be what he’s doing now. I saw him out in the hallway talking to someone.”

“Hope so. Can’t stay here.”

“Why not?”

“Don’t like hospitals. Don’t like doctors; I especially don’t like doctors; well, except for Ducky, but he doesn’t count since he mainly works on dead people.”

McGee smiled. That answer was so typical DiNozzo. “They’re just trying to help you,” he pointed out to his friend. 

“Most of them,” Tony mumbled.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing. By the way, didn’t catch the name.”

He silently chastised himself for assuming that Tony knew who he was. They had been talking just like nothing had happened and Tim had not even considered the possibility that DiNozzo still considered him to be a total stranger. 

“Sorry. I’m Tim. Tim McGee.”

“I guess I’m supposed to know you.”

“Well yeah, but it’s okay if you don’t remember me,” Tim quickly added. “You will in time.”

“How long have I known you?”

“A few years.”

“We work together,” Tony deduced. “You, me, and Ziva?”

McGee nodded. “And Gibbs.”

“And Gibbs,” Tony softly repeated..

Tony clenched his eyes shut, forcing McGee to wonder if DiNozzo was remembering something or if he was in pain. DiNozzo began pounding his fist on the bed, frustration and anger clearly evident on Tony’s face. 

“Tony?” McGee nervously called out. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t…I can’t…do this,” Tony gasped. 

“Do what?” McGee rose from his seat, knowing that he was going to have to do something before Tony ended up hurting himself. “Tony? You can’t do what?”

Tony’s eyes snapped open. “I can’t do this, Tim. I can’t pretend like I know who you all are! I don’t! All I know is what you’ve told me. I’m trying to act like this Tony DiNozzo, but I don’t know who he is!”

“Tony, it’s all right.”

“No, it’s not!” Tony roared. “It’s not all right!”

“Please Tony, just take it easy,” McGee pleaded. “If Gibbs and the doctor see you acting like this, they won’t let you out of here.”

He hated playing that trump card, but it was the only way he knew to get Tony to calm down. In a few seconds, DiNozzo’s breathing evened out as he visibly began to relax. 

“That’s better,” Tim encouraged. “Just relax.”

Tony inhaled deeply and slowly blew out the pent up breath. “Easy for you to say, McGoo.”

McGee stared at DiNozzo. A sense of relief and excitement washed over him at the sound of that once familiar moniker. It had been a long time since anyone had called him anything other than McGee and he hadn’t realized until this very moment, how much he had missed Tony and his sharp wit. 

“Did I say something wrong?” Tony asked.

“Uh, no. I just haven’t heard that name in a long time.”

“What name?”

“McGoo.”

DiNozzo shrugged. “I didn’t realize that I had called you that; I meant to say McGee. Guess my brain got ahead of my mouth again. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I’ve kind of missed it.”

“Huh?”

“You used to have a slew of nicknames for me. McGeek, McGoogle, McTardy, McBarfbag; you had a unique way of taking the first part of my name and attaching another word to it, depending on the circumstances,” McGee explained.

McGee was confused when his friend’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “I’m sorry,” Tony apologized. “I shouldn’t have called you all those names.”

“God, Tony. I’m not mad. That was just part of your personality; you always kept me on my toes and I’ve missed having you around to do that.”

“Sounds to me like I’m a complete jerk,” Tony mused. “Maybe that’s why no one came.”

“Huh?”

Tony shook his head. “Nothing,” he quickly replied. “So, you didn’t mind me calling you these names?”

He didn’t know how to answer this question. McGee admitted that it had been rather annoying, but at the moment, if it helped Tony to remember, he could call him anything that he wanted.

“I used to, but I think for now, I wouldn’t mind at all. Just don’t call me…”

“Elf Lord?”

The two men turned to see Gibbs enter Tony’s room. The last time that Gibbs had called McGee Elf Lord had been just after Tony had been disappeared. When the team leader realized what he had said, he had literally crushed his cup of coffee in his hand and stormed off to the bathroom. Gibbs’ inadvertent slip of the tongue had only fueled his desire to find the senior agent. 

“Elf Lord?” Tony inquired. “Guess that’s where I heard that name before. So, how did you get that name?”

“Long story,” McGee said, hoping that Gibbs wouldn’t make him explain the origins of that nickname.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Tony reasoned.

“So, you want to stay here now?” Gibbs asked. “I thought you were ready to get out of here.”

“Are you serious?” 

“Yeah, I’m serious.”

“What’s the catch?”

“Dr. Cole is enrolling you in the hospital’s outpatient program. You will have to attend all your scheduled sessions as well as any other medical appointments that he deems necessary.”

“Is that all?”

“Pretty much.”

“How am I going to get to these sessions?”

“I’ll be bringing you.”

McGee could sense the tension returning in Tony that had all but disappeared while they had been talking. For some reason, Gibbs made DiNozzo nervous and he knew that if it was obvious to him, that the team leader was also aware of how his presence was affecting Tony.

“You’ll be bringing me?” Tony reiterated.

“Yeah. You’ll be staying with me until you get back on your feet,” Gibbs informed him.

“Oh.”

The junior agent didn’t miss the uncertainty that now clouded DiNozzo’s gaunt features. Something was not right between Gibbs and Tony and he couldn’t figure out what it could be. 

“McGee, go to my house and in my basement are some boxes with Tony’s clothes; go and bring him something to wear home,” Gibbs instructed. “I’m sure that he doesn’t want to walk out of here sporting a gown that’s split up the back.”

“Uh, sure Boss. If you’re sure that…”

“Now, McGee.”

“Right.” 

Tim slowly made his way to the door. He knew that Gibbs had sensed Tony’s reluctance and wanted to talk to him without an audience. McGee found himself disturbed by DiNozzo’s sudden vulnerability; Tony was obviously scared of something. Was it Gibbs? Was it his memories? If only he could stay, maybe he could figure it out and somehow help his friend overcome his fears. 

He angrily punched the button to summon the elevator. What was he thinking? If Gibbs couldn’t help DiNozzo, what did he expect to be able to do? All he could do was to be Tony’s friend. Leaning against the wall, he made a vow to be a better friend, even if that meant going against Gibbs. McGee decided that if Tony still seemed afraid when he returned with his clothes, that he would speak up and suggest that Tony stay with someone else. He knew that he would be taking a chance on incurring Gibbs’ wrath, but it didn’t matter; Timothy McGee would do what he thought was right.


	19. Bad Moon Rising

Tony watched as Gibbs paced the room, talking animatedly on his cell phone to someone named Jenny. Whoever this lady was, she certainly had the ability to push the agent’s buttons. The older man was clenching his fist, struggling to contain the volcano inside him that was threatening to erupt. Gibbs had informed her that he would be taking some time off and apparently she had not reacted favorably. He winced as the former Marine’s voice rose to a new level, forcing Tony to tamp down the urge to run away and hide. 

He wondered if Tony DiNozzo was as much of a coward as Todd Gibbs. Although, he had agreed to be called Tony, the name still meant nothing to him. He jumped when a hand gently squeezed his shoulder. Looking up, he saw Gibbs standing over him, concern radiating from his emotive eyes.

“You okay, Tony?” Gibbs asked.

“Uh, yeah. Just thinking.”

“What about?”

Tony shrugged. “Nothing in particular.”

“Seems to me you have a lot on your mind.”

“Who were you talking to?” Tony inquired, purposefully changing the subject. He didn’t want Gibbs inside his head; there were already too many voices inside his mind and he didn’t need another one adding to the mix.

“Director Shepard,” Gibbs replied.

Grateful that the agent was apparently not going to insist that he talk about his private thoughts, he allowed himself to relax slightly. “Is she your boss?”

“You could say that.”

“Sounds like you pissed her off.”

“I tend to do that a lot.”

“Do ya think?” Tony retorted.

The team leader grinned at him. What had he done now? Probably something that reminded the man of Tony DiNozzo. He was beginning to hate the man that he was supposed to be. 

“Did I say something wrong?” he reluctantly asked. 

“No, you didn’t,” Gibbs assured him. “I just never thought I’d be glad to hear those words thrown back at me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s not important.”

“I guess it’s another one of those things that’s supposed to come back to me, huh?” 

“I don’t want to force your memories,” the team leader reasoned. “They’ll return in time.”

Tony shook his head. “What if they don’t?”

“Then you’ll just build new memories, but I promise you that I’ll do everything in my power to help you get your life back.”

“The one I was living wasn’t too bad,” he countered.

There was no mistaking the disbelief in Gibbs’ voice. “You liked living on the streets? You liked not knowing when or where your next meal was coming from? You liked drinking until you passed out?”

Tony bristled. “You don’t know anything about how I lived, so don’t pass judgment on me, Agent Gibbs!”

“I know enough. Megan and Olivia Carter came looking for you; they filled us in on a lot of things. They especially told me about how you looked out for them; that alone proves to me that Tony DiNozzo still exists, whether you want to acknowledge him or not.”

“Megan and Olivia are good people.”

“So are you,” Gibbs declared. “So are you.”

“No I’m not.”

Gibbs sat down on the edge of the bed, insisting that Tony look him in the eyes. He was reluctant to meet his gaze, knowing that the team leader had a unique ability to see through the wall that he had tried to erect around his soul. “Listen to me,” Gibbs urged. “I don’t know what’s happened to make you doubt your self worth and I hope one of these days, you’ll be able to tell me; but until then, you’re going to have to trust me.”

“We’ve had this conversation before,” Tony reminded him. “You’re asking a lot.”

“I know.”

Tony clenched his eyes in an effort to block the images that began to flood his mind. He could hear a man’s voice taunting him, telling him that he could trust no one. Wrapping his arms around himself, he got lost in the memories that had been lying dormant in the dark recesses of his mind. 

 

***flashback***

“Let me hear you say it!” the harsh voice demanded. 

“No,” Tony breathlessly whimpered. 

His head was jerked backwards, forcing him to look into the hate filled eyes of his captor. “If you want the pain to stop, I have to hear you say it!” his tormentor roared. 

“No, I…can’t.”

“How can you trust him, Agent DiNozzo? How can you trust the man who left you here to rot? If he truly cared about what happened to you, he would be here by now. He knows that you told us your real identity. You broke your cover and you told us all those juicy little secrets about your undercover assignment. Gibbs doesn’t want anyone like you on his team; he threw you away like you were nothing. He did the same thing to you that your father did and yet you still say you trust him! How can that be?”

“I trust…Gibbs,” he stammered. “Never…leaves…a man behind.”

“Until now.”

“He has…my…six.”

Tony fought the effects of the drugs that were coursing through his body. He wanted to scream, but the cries of agony were trapped inside his mind. Something was pressed against his lips and automatically opened his mouth, hoping that his thirst was going to be quenched. It wasn’t until he felt the burn of the liquid as it traveled down his ravaged throat did he realize that it was whiskey. It was probably that bottle that always set just out of his reach. He tried to swallow but only succeeded in becoming strangled. 

He tried to turn his head, but calloused fingers held his face firmly in place as the contents of the bottle were continually being forced upon him. Tony managed to spit a mouthful in the face of the demon called Steve. 

A harsh blow was delivered to his face. “You think you’re smart, don’t you, Agent DiNozzo?” 

“Smarter than you,” he rasped. 

His sardonic reply was rewarded with a needle prick in his arm. It wasn’t the usual cocktail that was reserved for him, this was something different. Tony felt his muscles began to cramp and he tried to curl into a fetal position, but his bonds preventing him from doing anything except laying there, struggling to escape the pain.

“Who can you trust, Agent DiNozzo?” Steve asked.

“My Boss.” 

“Wrong answer.” 

Despite his blurred vision, he could see Steve preparing another syringe. He knew he couldn’t hold out much longer and found himself actually praying to pass out. Tony was still at a loss to discover what these men wanted from him. So many of the torture sessions had been focused on him admitting to being Tony DiNozzo instead of Todd Gibbs; he had tried so hard to stay in character, but once he had finally broken, he quickly learned that the torment was simply just beginning. Now they wanted to destroy his belief in Gibbs and he didn’t know why. 

“No more!” Tony pleaded. 

“Then tell me what I want to hear. Tell me that you can trust no one!”

“Not…true.”

“Everyone you’ve ever trusted has betrayed you. Your mother, your father, your fellow police officers, Kate, Paula, Jeanne, Tim, Jethro Gibbs; do you need me to continue? You’re not worthy of their trust. They use you for their personal gain and you know I’m right. Do you think Gibbs truly keeps you around because you’re a good agent? You’re his fall guy; how could you trust someone like that?”

The names that he had just spouted off echoed in his mind. He no longer had the strength to argue anymore. Steve was right. In one way or another, they had all betrayed him in some odd way, some by death, others by using him for sordid purposes. He was so confused and he wanted someone to help him make sense of the jumbled mess within the confines of his mind. 

Tears began to stream down his face. What was wrong with him that made these people who supposedly cared about him to turn their backs on him? Was he that bad of a person? Maybe he would be better off being Todd Gibbs once again.. 

He heard the door open as another man entered the room and stood beside Steve. Tony closed his eyes, wanting nothing more that to be left alone. The second man’s voice almost seemed distorted, as if it were being purposefully disguised, but Tony was too caught up in his own waking nightmare to notice anything about his new visitor.

“How much longer is this going to take?” the stranger demanded to know. “I need him ready by next week.”

“I think we’ve just made a breakthrough,” Steve boasted. 

“You said that the last time I was here.”

“But this time, I’m sure of it.” 

Tony didn’t flinch as Steve leaned over him, the syringe still in his hand. “Who do you trust?”

He didn’t answer, instead choosing to remain silent as the tears continued to escape his eyes. Tony DiNozzo ceased to exist as Todd Gibbs began to emerge. No one had ever betrayed Todd Gibbs because up until now, he was a figment of his imagination. Steve had spent a lot of time trying to get him to admit that he was an NCIS agent, now, it was Tony’s turn to convince himself that he was Todd Gibbs. He looked forward to the day where he could escape the pain of realizing that he was worthless. Todd was not going to let anyone get close enough to hurt him and he could live his life from day to day, satisfied with being a face in the crowd.

“I think we’ve got him where we want him,” Steve said. “A few more days, he’ll do whatever we want him to, no questions asked.”

“Good. I’ll be back on Friday. Have him ready,” the dark figure ordered.

“You got it.”

He didn’t dare move for several minutes after he heard the door close. The transformation from Tony to Todd had not been difficult. Todd didn’t have to live with the knowledge that he’d been betrayed by those who had supposedly cared about him. Nothing mattered anymore. A new life was awaiting him and all he had to do was get out of this hell hole.

 

***end flashback***

 

He had no idea how long Gibbs had been calling his name. Until he felt someone grab his hands, Tony hadn’t realized that he had been pulling his hair. Jerking his wrists free, he wrapped his arms around himself.

“I’m fine,” he muttered. 

“You kind of drifted off,” Gibbs said. “Memories?”

Tony hugged himself tighter. “Maybe. Everything’s kind of jumbled.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not right now.”

“All right. We’ll talk later.”

The young man knew that Gibbs wasn’t simply making a statement, he was making a promise. He stared at the team leader, unsure of what to say. Thankfully, the nurse had chosen that very moment to bring him his discharge papers and instructions. 

“So, I hear somebody wants to leave us,” the nurse cheerfully greeted.

Tony nodded, although at that very moment, he was having second thoughts. “Guess so,”

“All right. My name is Emily and I’m going to go over your release papers and make sure that you understand the instructions that Dr. Cole has left for you.”

“Okay.”

He didn’t miss the worried glance that she exchanged with Gibbs. They both knew that he probably had no business leaving the hospital, and though he was skeptical about staying with Gibbs, Tony knew he could no longer stand to be confined within the hospital walls. He sat up straighter and focused his attention on the young woman as she began to explain to him the importance of taking his prescriptions. 

“I’ll give these to Agent Gibbs and I’m sure that he’ll help you to remember to take them,” Emily continued. “I’m also giving him a list of your follow up appointments and it’s very important for you to keep them all. After all, we don’t want to see you back here again for a long time.” 

Tony rolled his eyes. Emily was just a little too perky for his tastes. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with her attempts to flirt with him. He had seen her kind walk by him too often, not wanting to acknowledge that he even existed. “If I have anything to say about it, you won’t have to worry about seeing me again,” he rudely snapped.

Ignoring his blatant hostility, she handed him a clipboard and a pen. “If you’ll just sign here, you can leave whenever you’re ready,” Emily coolly informed him. 

He took the pen in his trembling hand and started to sign Todd Gibbs, but stopped after he had made the ‘o’. After a few seconds, he crossed it out and began to write ‘Anthony DiNozzo’. It was hard to believe that a simple thing such as writing his name required such great concentration. 

The nurse left and he and Gibbs were alone once again. “As soon as McGee gets here with your clothes, we’ll get out of here,” the team leader stated. 

“Okay.”

“Was there a reason that you were so rude to the nurse? The Tony DiNozzo that I know would have had her phone number before she had gotten through the door.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not the Tony DiNozzo that you knew.”

“Yes, you are. You just don’t realize it yet.”

“I’m not the one having trouble accepting reality,” he growled. 

“What reality are you referring to, DiNozzo?”

Tony swung his feet over the side of his bed. “The only one I remember. A reality where I don’t have to worry about trusting anybody.”

“Sounds lonely.”

“Actually, it’s not. At least there’s no one to let me down; I can live my own life and not worry about pleasing anybody but myself.”

“And where you can drown all your problems in a cheap bottle of whiskey,” Gibbs retorted. 

Shakily standing to his feet, Tony balled up his fist. “Don’t you dare judge me! I didn’t deserve what happened to me! Don’t you see that what happened isn’t my fault? But I ended up paying the price!”

“What did happen?” Gibbs pressed.

“They took me and drugged me. They…”

Tony tightly clenched his eyes. Why was his memory suddenly going blank? It was like a wall had been erected in his mind and what he wanted was on the other side, but he couldn’t reach it.

“They what, Tony?” 

“I don’t know. It goes blank. A while ago, I remembered everything, but now it’s gone. I know it sounds stupid but…”

“No it doesn’t and you’re right. None of this is your fault. When we get to the house, I’ll put a BOLO on the guys who hurt you. We’ll catch them.”

Tony slid to the floor and raked his hands through his hair. “I can’t handle this, Gibbs. I can’t handle trying to be someone I can’t remember.”

Gibbs knelt down beside him. “But you do remember, Tony. You may not realize it, but you’re getting more of your memory back day by day,” Gibbs encouraged. “You’ve just got to take it one day at a time.”

“For how long?”

“For as long as it takes.”

Tony drew his knees up to his chest and rested his head. “God, I need a drink.”

“Water?”

“Nope.”

“Coffee?”

“Whiskey.”

“Not going to happen, DiNozzo.”

“You really think you can stop me?” 

The agent grinned. “Yep.”

Tony returned his smile. “We’ll see.” 

“Guess so.”

“So, what’s there to do at your house?”

Gibbs shrugged. “I’m building a boat.”

“Do you live near the ocean?”

“Nope?”

“Near a lake?”

“Nope. It’s in my basement.”

“Your basement?”

“Yep.”

Tony shook his head. “Not the strangest thing I’ve heard of. Do you have a TV?”

“In the basement.”

“Sorry I asked.”

Standing up, Gibbs offered Tony a hand. “Let’s get you up off the floor.”

Tony took the proffered hand and allowed Gibbs to help him up. As he sat down on the bed, there was a knock on his door. Hoping that it was McGee with his clothes, he called out, “Come on in.”

As he looked up, he saw a petite red headed woman enter the room. She looked familiar, but he couldn’t place her face. Whoever she was, she certainly managed to have an adverse effect on Gibbs.

“I thought I told you to keep your distance,” Gibbs warned.

“I told you that I have every right to be here,” the woman replied. “After all, he’s one of my agents.”

He continued to stare at the woman as she walked over to him. “Tony, I’m Director Jenny Shepard and while I’m sure that you may not remember me, I’m…”

Visions of an exploding car assaulted his mind, nearly causing him to topple off the bed. Gibbs had mentioned her name earlier, but until he had seen her, he hadn’t made a connection. “I know you,” he whispered. “They mentioned your name.”

Gibbs grabbed him by shoulder, helping him regain his balance. “Who Tony?”

“The men who…the men who were holding me. They said something about Director Shepard…”

“Tony?” 

“I don’t know. I just heard them say her name.”

“It’s all right, Tony. Take it easy,” Gibbs said. 

“I didn’t mean to upset you, Tony,” Jenny apologized. “I promise you that I have no idea why they would mention my name, but I will definitely look into it.”

He continued to stare at the Director, trying to recall why her name had been mentioned during his captivity. Was she someone else that had betrayed him by shattering his trust? Why could he remember her name and not his own? What part, if any, did she play during that dark time of his life? Tony laid his head on Gibbs’ shoulder, reminiscent of a child seeking comfort from his father; there were too many questions and no answers forthcoming. He began to wonder if he was going to have spend the rest of his life living a lie or if he was ever going to remember the man called Tony DiNozzo.


	20. Bad Moon Rising

The team leader glared at the Director, curious as to the reason why she seemed so familiar to DiNozzo. Gibbs had not forgotten how she used his senior agent for her personal crusade against La Grenouille; nor had he forgiven her for the emotional scars that Tony still bore. Surely Jenny wouldn’t be involved in DiNozzo’s disappearance and subsequent torture. After witnessing some of the nightmares that Tony had been reliving, he could only imagine the torment that the younger man had experienced. If he discovered that Jenny was responsible for any of his agent’s suffering, she would not get the opportunity to hide behind the Director’s chair this time.

He glanced towards the door and then back at Jenny, silently indicating that it was past time for her to leave.

Acknowledging his subtle suggestion with an almost imperceptible nod, she nervously smiled at DiNozzo. “I’ve got be going Tony. I hope you feel better very soon; we certainly do miss you.”

“Thanks,” Tony mumbled.

“If you need anything,” she quickly added, “please don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Gibbs took the Director by the arm and escorted her towards the door. “I’ll be back in a minute, Tony,” he assured his senior agent. Tony didn’t answer him, but then again, he really didn’t expect one.

He guided her down the hallway, away from Tony’s room. DiNozzo’s hearing had always been exceptional and he was not going to take the chance that Tony would overhear his and Jenny’s conversation. They passed McGee, who was carrying a duffle bag containing what Gibbs assumed to be a change of clothes for DiNozzo.

“Tony’s waiting on you. Help him if he needs it, but only if he asks,” he instructed the junior agent as he and Jenny continued walking.

“Um…all right,” McGee stammered. “Is everything okay, Boss?”

Gibbs figured that the junior agent was confused as to why the team leader was forcibly leading the Director of NCIS down the hall. Unfortunately, McGee would just have to stay confused for now. “Just fine, Tim. I won’t be long.”

Leaving the younger man to carry out his orders, he pulled Jenny inside to the first vacant room he could find. She jerked free of his grasp, anger radiating from her piercing gaze. “That was completely unnecessary,” she exclaimed. “Just who do you think you are?”

“Don’t try and pull that crap with me,” Gibbs barked. “I told you not to come; Tony’s got a lot to deal with and you coming here hasn’t helped matters any.”

“I barely had the chance to say anything to him.”

“You obviously didn’t have to,” he argued. “Evidently just seeing you brought back some unpleasant memories.”

“That’s not true!”

He clenched his jaw as he struggled to rein in his precarious temper. “You’ve got to admit Jen, that even before he disappeared, things weren’t great between you two. He was still recovering from the whole ‘Frog’ ordeal before this happened. He was hurt by your thirst for vengeance and you didn’t care. Now, he comes back after a year with no memory of any of us, but he sees you one time and he remembers something. You know I don’t believe in coincidences.”

“Well, that’s all this is Jethro. How could you even think that I would have something to do with Tony’s disappearance?”

“You tell me. I used to know you and could tell what you were thinking, but ever since you sat down in the big chair, I don’t know who you are any more!”

“I had nothing to do with Tony’s disappearance,” she forcibly repeated. “I was concerned about him; that’s the only reason I’m here.”

“I hope you’re telling me the truth, because if you’re not, there’ll be hell to pay!” he vowed.

She placed her hands on her hips, refusing to back down from the ex-Marine. “Do you know what I think, Jethro?”

“Nope.”

“I think that you’re jealous because Tony responded to me and…” 

“Don’t even go there, Director Shepard,” he snarled. “Just stay away. I’ll keep you posted on his condition.”

Turning sharply, he flung open the door, gesturing for her to leave the room. “I’m sure that you can find your way out of the hospital.”

“We’re not through with this discussion.”

“Fine. We’ll continue it when I get back to work.”

“And when will that be? You never gave me a definite date of your return.”

“I don’t know. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back and check on Tony.”

His icy stare followed Jenny as she walked out the door and down the corridor. He didn’t know if he believed her or not; time would certainly tell if she were telling him the truth. The one thing that he did know for certain was that Tony’s recovery was his only priority. He had to believe that deep down, DiNozzo was struggling to get out of the box that he had been forced to hide in so that he could save his sanity. The only problem was that the box was locked up tight, and so far, no one had found the key to open it.

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Tony stared at the door that Jenny and Gibbs had just exited through moments ago. His gut was still telling him that he knew this woman, or at least had heard her name in conversation, but he was drawing a blank. Gibbs seemed to have an air of animosity towards her making Tony wonder if there was some kind of unspoken history between the two of them. 

He startled at the sound of someone knocking on the door. “Come in,” he tentatively replied. 

It was the Elf Lord. Tony struggled to pull the man’s real name from the new file that he was creating in his mind. McGoo. No, that wasn’t it. McGillicutty. No, that was Lucy Ricardo’s maiden name. He shook his head at the random thoughts that were running through his head, while silently willing the right name to come out of his mouth. 

“Hey Tony,” the younger man greeted.

“Hey,” he quietly answered. 

“I’ve brought you some clothes. As soon as you’re dressed, you can get out of here.”

“Sounds good.” 

Tony grinned as a name finally came to him. He just hoped it was the right one. “Thanks, Tim.”

“You’re welcome. You’re memory is getting better; you remembered my name.”

He nodded as he blew out a pent up breath. “Yeah, but you don’t know how many names I had to go through to get the right one. I’m still not sure about your last name.”

“McGee,” Tim reminded him. 

“McGee,” he repeated several times, hoping that the act of repetition would help him remember it in the future. 

Tony took the duffle bag from McGee and opened it. He pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a change of underwear and socks. “Nice,” he muttered. “I’m a boxer guy, huh?”

“I…uh…uh...yeah,” McGee answered. “I mean I never looked; I just um…”

He shook his head in amusement at Tim’s apparent embarrassment as he pulled out a pair of tennis shoes. “Nike. Look brand new.”

“You bought them a week or so before you disappeared. We were at lunch and you saw them in the store window and had to have them. You’re old running shoes had pretty much bit the dust.”

“Expensive.”

“Yeah. You always had expensive taste in clothing.”

Tony looked up at McGee. “I did?”

“Yeah. Name brands and designer labels. You used to tell me that you had to pay for quality.”

“Oh.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. Reaching in, he pulled out the last item; an Ohio State sweatshirt. “Buckeye,” he whispered.

“You went to college at Ohio State,” McGee explained. “You played sports and…”

“My leg was broken in a football came.”

“Yes. Do you remember anything else?”

Tony closed his eyes and after a few seconds shook his head in frustration. “No. Do you remember how when a TV station went off the air and nothing was left but that picture and that loud, annoying hum? Well, that’s kind of what my memory does. It’ll be going along and then it suddenly goes off the air.”

McGee smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I have a feeling that you’ll be seeing things in high definition in no time.”

“High definition?”

“I’ll explain it later,” Tim promised.

Laying aside his clothes, he shakily rose to his feet. Tony used the bed to hold onto until he gained his balance, waiting patiently for his world to stop spinning. Out of his peripheral vision, he saw McGee take a step towards him, hovering nearby just in case he needed him. 

“You okay?” he agent asked.

“Yeah, just gotta get my feet under me.”

Tony slowly pulled on his underwear and pants before he removed the hospital gown. When he buttoned them, he noticed that his jeans were hanging loosely on his hips.

“Looks like you lost some weight,” Tim observed.

“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” Tony retorted as he pulled his sweatshirt over his head. He sat down on the bed as the room started to sway once again. 

“Tony?” McGee called out to him. “Are you all right?”

“Just moved too fast.”

After a few minutes, Tony picked up his socks, wondering how he was going to manage getting them on; he could barely tolerate sitting up and he knew that he couldn’t bend over without excruciating pain. Every muscle in his body was still aching from the withdrawal. He hated asking for help, but given his current options, he had no choice. 

“Do you think that you could uh…” Reluctantly, he held the socks out to McGee.

“Sure, Tony. No problem.”

He watched McGee as the younger man effortlessly slipped his socks on and then put his shoes on as well. Tony was amazed at the simple act of kindness. Most people would look down their nose at him on the rare occasion when he had asked for help; everyone but Megan and Olivia. He guessed that he could now add Tim McGee to the list of people that he could call friend. 

Tony cleared his throat. “Thanks, McGee.”

“You’re welcome.” 

The two men sat in companionable silence for the next couple of minutes. Tony still felt embarrassed that McGee had to put his socks and his shoes on him; it was hard to accept help from strangers when you had learned to expect the worse in people. 

“So, did you see Gibbs and the red head out in the hall?” Tony finally asked, shattering the stillness of the moment. 

“You mean Director Shepard?”

“Yeah.”

Tim nodded. “I passed them in the hall. Gibbs didn’t look too happy.”

“That’s one way of putting it. I’d say he was pissed.”

“That’s probably a more accurate description,” the agent agreed. “Do you know why he was pissed?”

“Not really,” he admitted. “She came in my room and introduced herself. I thought I recognized her name. I remember hearing it when…”

“When what?”

“It’s not important.” Tony didn’t want to think about his captivity. Truthfully, he couldn’t face those memories, except in his dreams.

“Tony? You can talk to me,” McGee urged. “I just want to help.”

“I know.”

Tony stood up and using the bed, he braced himself and slowly made his way to the window. He stared out across the parking lot, the thought of facing the world sober terrifying him. Life was so much easier when he could drink until his problems ceased to exist. But now he was clean and his troubles had seemed to magnify.

“What’s Gibbs’ house like?” he asked, his eyes now fixed on the horizon.

McGee joined him at the window. “It’s nice. It’s got a lot of room.”

“Does he live alone?”

“Yeah, he does. Gibbs spends most of his time in his basement.”

“Why?”

“Working on his boat.”

Tony stared at McGee, disbelief etched in his gaunt features. “His boat?”

“Yes. He’s building a boat in his basement,” Tim explained.

“In…his basement?”

“Got a problem with that, DiNozzo?”

Tony flinched at the sound of his name. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Gibbs enter the room. He didn’t like people sneaking up on him; he had spent a long time looking over his shoulder and to be caught off guard unnerved him. “No problem,” he tersely replied. “I’ve just never heard of anyone building a boat in their basement before.”

“We all deal with things in our own way, Tony,” Gibbs pointed out. “When life begins to get to be too much, it’s nice to have something else to turn to.”

“And I guess your way is better than mine?”

“What do you mean?”

“You build boats and I get drunk.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Tony turned back to stare out the window. He wasn’t trying to pick a fight with Gibbs; after all, the man was opening up his home to him. Gibbs was putting his life on hold just to help him and all he could manage to do was to hurl insults at the Marine. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “Guess my nerves are still a little on edge.”

“That’s understandable,” Gibbs replied. 

He could tell by the stern expression on Gibbs’ face that he didn’t buy his flimsy excuse. “McGee, go bring the car around,” Gibbs instructed. “We’ll meet you out front.”

“On it, Boss,” Tim replied. 

Tony didn’t miss the sound of relief in McGee’s voice. He figured that the agent was grateful that he would have a respite from the awkwardness between him and Gibbs. 

Gibbs put his hand on his shoulder and gently urged him to turn around. “Want to tell me what’s going on with you?” the older man inquired.

“Nothing. I don’t know why I said what I said. My mouth got ahead of my brain,” Tony attempted to reason. 

“Tony, I…”

“Just drop it, Gibbs!” he growled. “God, you’re like a pit bull when you get your teeth into something! Like it or not, I’m a drunk and drinking is how I handle my problems! You build freakin’ boats in your basement, and that’s how you handle your problems. End of discussion, Gibbs.”

“Do I need to remind you that you haven’t had a drink in several days?”

Tony held up his trembling hand. “Nope. Everywhere I turn I’ve got a reminder.”

“It’ll get better,” Gibbs vowed.

“That’s what everybody keeps telling me.”

“I know it just seems like a bunch of words right now, but I promise you that we’ll just take it a day at a time until it does get better.”

Tony had lost count of how many times Gibbs had told him that he could trust him. He had always prided himself on his self reliance, but that had been shattered by the cruelty of others. Trust was something that he couldn’t give easily and now people were starting to demand it from him. 

He jumped when Gibbs squeezed his shoulder. That was the second time in the last few minutes that the ex-Marine had caught him by surprise. “Please don’t do that,” Tony whispered.

“I’m sorry; I wasn’t thinking. Just wanted you to know your ride is here.”

Tony glanced at the wheelchair now stationed by his bed. “I can walk,” he protested.

“Hospital rules. You gotta ride until we get out the front door.”

“And you always follow the rules?”

“My rules,” Gibbs replied. 

“Guess I’ll be learning about those pretty soon.”

“Guess you will. Now sit down.”

Too tired to put up too much resistance, Tony carefully made his way to the chair and sat down. Gibbs crammed his release papers inside his duffle bag and handed it to him. He was still nervous about going to the agent’s home, but at the moment, it was his only option. As they waited for the elevator, he looked up at the silver haired man. 

“So Gibbs, tell me something.”

“What?”

Tony permitted a soft chuckle to escape his lips. “How do you get that boat out of the basement?”

Gibbs returned his smile. “You stick around long enough and I’ll show you.”


End file.
